Acim Village

Village Inspiration Corner

The Forgiven World
Can you imagine how beautiful those you forgive will look to you? In no fantasy have you ever seen anything so lovely. Nothing you see here, sleeping or waking, comes near to such loveliness. And nothing will you value like unto this, nor hold so dear. Nothing that you remember that made your heart sing with joy has ever brought you even a little part of the happiness this sight will bring you. For you will see the Son of God. You will behold the beauty the Holy Spirit loves to look upon, and which he thanks the Father for. He was created to see this for you, until you learned to see if for yourself. And all His teaching leads to seeing it and giving thanks with Him.

This lovelness is not a fantasy. It is the real world; bright and clean and new, with everything sparkling under the open sun. Nothing is hidden here, for everything has been forgiven and there are no fantasies to hide the truth. The bridge between that world and this is so little and se easy to cross, that you could not believe is is the meeting place of worlds so different. Yet this little bridge is the strongest thing that touches on this world at all. This little step, so small it has escaped your notice, is a stride through time into eternity, beyond all ugliness into beauty that will enchant you, and will never cease to cause you wonderment at its perfection. (T.17.II.1-2)

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Mayor’s Journal
Tuesday, June 29th, 2010

One of our Villagers yesterday gave us all a remarkable insight into the nature of healing, and I wanted to share it with you. Faced with the possibility of another incidence of cancer, she recounted her experience leading up to the visit to the doctor to receive the results of the biopsy. In her words:

“The weird thing is that for the last three days I’ve been so fearful at points I felt like I might throw-up. I kept releasing and looking then I would feel very calm then back to the fear. Pray for my mind to be healed sitting with the fear and not running/stuffing it as best I could. Even in the waiting room, fear, and up to the point he said I’m sorry but it is more cancer. Then all the fear went poof and we talked about the surgery and everything and still no fear. I even started smiling at points and he looked at me a bit askew at one point cause for me now we could just as well of been making plans to order cake and ice cream for a party. My mom might have been looking askew also but she was behind me so I’m not sure what she was doing. I feel O.K. even… dare I say… happy. For the moment I feel no fear. This is amazing.”

What I found most helpful in what our friend has said here is the switch that can come instantaneously when all of a sudden the fear of a potentially disastrous situation disappears and is left with a simple feeling of lightness, one that in her words resembles in every respect ‘happiness’. It brings more meaning to the idea (often quoted by Ken, borrowed from Winston Churchill) that “All we have to fear is fear itself.” We’ve also perhaps heard that the “anticipation is worse than the reality.” A disaster is, after all, just another situation without any inherent charge or emotion. What we end up feeling is a function of something going on in the mind, not in the world. Our catastrophes are just another series of pictures, another situation to deal with, one that we can interpret in two different ways, depending on the inner teacher we choose.

I think Ruth-Anne taught us something about this choice of teachers recently. When her perception shifted recently it was accompanied by the magical and profound words (in their original vernacular): “You gotta be kidding me! I just don’t buy it.” And what’s she not “buying” exactly? Well, I think it’s the ego’s interpretation of whatever was going on that there was a good and logical reason to feel fear, upset, hatred and injustice. Taking the words right out of Nancy Reagan’s mouth, our two Villagers just said, “No!” – No, I just don’t want to share that perception and those feelings anymore. “Too tired, too fed up to keep on doing that trip. No way, Senor Jose.” Well done, guys. And thanks so much for sharing your wisdom with us.

Yes, of course, as we’ve all been learning for so long, there is another way of looking at every situation, even the most seemingly dire dramas. Lesson after lesson teaches us this: I am never upset for the reason I think… I can see peace instead of this…I am not a victim of the world I see…God’s Will for me is perfect happiness…All things are echoes of the Voice for God…I am in danger nowhere in the world. Love is the constant that holds our reality as one Self together, the word on our Brother’s breath as whispers to us in every situation, “Be with me, and all shall be well. We shall walk through this together.”

There is an elaborate myth being told in the pictures and scenes of the world, a drama being played out that we are invited to participate in by all our friends, family and colleagues, our doctors and teachers, our politicians and professors. A myth of danger and sacrifice and injustice. Of certain suffering, of grimaces and gnashing teeth, of hot tears and searching eyes. It draws us like a vortex, sucking us into its spiral of logic and argumentation, of proof beyond words and scientific tests all leading to one conclusion: suffering and pain are real. What they fail to add, but that stands neon-brilliant in unspoken letters, is that this pain is somehow justified. It’s not only real (they say); it’s also our merit, our ‘just desserts’. And that’s why it feels inevitable. Not because it is historically proven to be unavoidable, but because something inside us tells us that we will never escape the harshness and punishment of this world because it is our due.

We’ve all been studying Ken long enough to know where this unspoken expectation of misfortune comes from, but it always helps to remind ourselves: it is the guilt we accepted as part of our separation negotiation with the ego – the inevitable price we pay for believing we sacrificed God and Heaven in order to establish our own miniature shadowy kingdoms. The desire for separation entails the belief that we achieved it at the expense of Love, and this supposed act of barbarity against eternal Gentleness leads to the internal programming of self-punishment. Misery is not only inevitable, this philosophy declares. Much, much more than this, misery is critical in order to prove that separation has been accomplished. Without the personal experience of suffering (and ultimately death), we cannot prove that individuality is true. The world speaks volumes about this programming, and more than six billion people accept every word as gospel truth.

Yet despite the tomes of law books filled with stories of injustice, despite the headlines screaming abuse and victimization, despite five thousand years of human history demonstrating the propensity of man to create his own hell, suffering remains what it always will be: a choice. Nothing can make suffering more than what it is, a simple choice, an inner experience that each individual fragment of the one Son accepts in the confines of his mind. Accepts, of course, or rejects.

We can, in the same spirit as our friendly Villagers, say, “This is now enough. I don’t want to go this way anymore. I’m tired of playing the same old game. There is another game, a happy one, led by an older, wiser Brother whose lovely smile wipes away all my desire to want to continue suffering the way I have been for so long. I just don’t need to anymore. Yes, let’s play a different game…”

And since Jesus reminds us so often in His course that we are indeed children, we can with the same lightness and simplicity of young children decide to play another game. Dealing with cancer or bankruptcy, coming to terms with a failing relationship or with ruthless colleagues, standing up to powerful authority figures: we can undertake all our actions with a lightness of spirit and an inner laughter. Someone is there within our minds holding our hand. His company is real, much more so than the heavy meanings and implications of our worldly situations. We can become inner-referencing instead of outer-referencing. Nothing can stop us from saying to ourselves, “I don’t share that meaning anymore.”

Let’s do it!

Have a great week, dear friends,
Love and hugs,
Bernard

PS A huge sunflower in a terracotta pot is being given as a gift to every Villager who stops by the Tavern this summery (northern) evening and partakes of a glass of sparkling grape juice.

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June 23rd, 2010

Hello, Family! How are you all?

To continue my rambling journal, as I mentioned recently, I received a lovely letter from my ex-wife recently, a letter of healing and closure. Pat and I were having dinner in restaurant just the day after and we were chatting about that time. I had met Pat some 15 months after my separation with my wife, and my insides were still quite raw at the time, and the memories very fresh, so she lived through part of that crazy period of my life. Some of the things that came back to me from the last difficult few years of my life with my ex-wife I hadn’t shared with Patricia.

As I sat there bringing up this or that detail or event, I could feel my insides start to do the same old dance, you know, the ‘victim dance’. If you’re not familiar with it (hmm), it goes something like this: The details of ‘what was done to you’ get dramatically illustrated by noticeable rises in the voice, by eyebrow raises and punctuated breathing. The energy shifts, getting more agitated, and a goal comes into view – to prove a point about your (usually painful) experience of a certain happening. Sitting there at dinner, I fell into the trap. And then we both noticed it – the old game had returned, and we both smiled. I shook my head and started to laugh. How easy it is to fall back into wanting ancient hurts to be real! It’s not that they are real, but that something inside wants them to be real. And if I didn’t want them to have power, then they didn’t. It was a pretty simple choice, actually, on that occasion at dinner. But other occasions make the goal of proving a certain experience more difficult to shake off.

The last few months have been a bit challenging in that way. As some of you know, I stopped my traditional manual trade in February, something I had longed to do for ages. Nothing was clear about what was supposed to happen next, but at least I thought it was pretty obvious that I had to stop in order to find out what the next step might be. Now, you have to know that since my divorce I have been building in one form or another in order to keep my sanity intact. Getting into a serious physical activity like house renovating actually saved me and helped me transform a pretty messed up mind into one that was at least a little calmer and less prone to intense dwelling on hurts and pains. There was no question, building was good for me. You just had to forget your issues if you wanted to do a good job. It required all my concentration in a very non-mental activity, and in addition the body movement meant there was little nervous energy for getting overly agitated and worked up.

The separation had been excessively difficult for me as I was very co-dependent and terrified of hurting my ex-wife. I knew for the sake of my sanity I had to leave, but it was not an easy decision. I left on December 24th; it seemed that the preparations for Christmas that year just tipped the scales too far and I knew if I didn’t get a break, something disastrous would happen. I left the door open as I said goodbye, unable to bear the thought of closing it shut. I walked down the path from our house in the woods to the village, a twenty-minute walk during a cool winter’s night (we only had one car that I was not about to deprive her of). I think I had in my hands just a sleeping bag and a heavy but useful book (a big blue one) that you might be familiar with. I mention this only because that book became my lifeline during a critical transition time of my life. I had been studying it already for some ten years, but knew there was still a commitment I had not been making to my inner Teacher. I was to spend my time over the next few years joining with him progressively more and more, a relationship that would eventually give birth to the writing of

Paulo and the Magician

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And so the period from 1999 to 2001 had me cycling through phases of intense fear, depression and self-condemnation (for inflicting so much pain on another person, and making such a mess of my life!), and then onward to deep peace, comfort and complete freedom from any implications of harm or damage (hers or mine). It was a crazy time, and I needed something, anything, to ground me. And that was where the heavy building activity came in so tremendously useful. As I went through the motions of finishing my houses, or laying foundations, or hanging some plasterboard, I always wondered what would happen if I ever stopped. It was pretty obvious that the physical work had become a crutch, a way of keeping my mind totally focused on a non-mental activity, since I had a tendency to get too intense about my inner work. One predictable side effect had been that building had become my favorite way of suffering, even though I recognized its therapeutic value.

I have thought for some time that the ego needs to suffer (it is always through suffering that it gives itself a semblance of existence), and that it always chooses one or more of four domains for doing so. These are relationships, money, work, or health. Even when all is seemingly well in these four domains, as does happen for some people, if you really look it is usually difficult to say that such and such person is completely at peace with all these areas, and feeling in harmony with self and God and his place in the (non-material) universe. And so my specially chosen and selected way of suffering and giving reality to my individuality had become my activity, my work. This was a challenging Catch 22.

If I continued my current work, then I could be guaranteed a certain level of stability and ‘sanity’, but would never make the next step since this work was disguising a number of unresolved issues. But if I stopped, the risk is that I would become intensively involved in matters of the mind and become potentially depressive and basically unpredictable. While I built, my projections were predictable: I was always going to have a problem with this client or this job or that partner, or the weather, etc. If I stopped, where would my projections land before I managed to stop them altogether? On Pat? On my money situation? On my health? As it so happens, it seems the ego has decided to share the fun around, and project onto all four domains in a characteristically random and insane fashion.

And so I return to my point for this little rambling: some situations present more of a difficulty for shaking off the attraction to suffering than others. I’m reminded of a section in ACIM, the attraction of guilt, and I’ve been trying to work with that for a few days. I can get a sense, a glimpse, at moments of this truly comical attachment I have to feeling bad (unjoined from my Creator), even though no true, identifiable reason exists for feeling this way. All I can say is that it is my continuing way of feeling like ‘me’.

If the suffering stopped entirely, if I made that wonderful backdrop of peacefulness and harmony that is unrelated to the circumstances of my life, if I made this my current state of mind now and for always, then where would ‘Bernard’ fit in? Well, he wouldn’t. He ain’t there. We can have either an experience of personal, individual suffering, even if that is just a stubbed toe that we insist feels bad, or we can have a serene experience of letting all this go and welcoming a lightness and happiness completely unrelated to all that is happening, but a happiness that is not personal but completely free of definition or constraints. A happiness and lightness that is just One, with Jesus, with everyone. With everything. No definitions, no separations or differences, no seeking to understand the reason for this or that in order to feel better, no trying to work things out. Just a final freedom from needing to understand or define things. Light, luminous, and free of weight.

This is my current dilemma. I could say to all the things in my world and life, “I do not need you to define how I might feel. I can feel perfectly free of the judgments and condemnations that circulate in this crazy place (my mind). There is another world in which none of this matters or makes a difference, in the most positive sense. I do not need to understand the next step to feel secure. I do not need to have this current situation work out perfectly in order to feel light and free.” I look at the willingness necessary to make this declaration, and I find something that seriously hesitates. What gives? Why would on earth would I hesitate? And the answer is crystal, pristinely clear.

I don’t want to give up the sense of me. I know it’s totally crazy, but that’s where I am.

Anyone care for a cup of tea? Everyone over to the tavern, tea and fresh muffins on me.

(Any comments here)

Mayor’s Journal
June 14th, 2010

The Pool-boy has landed!

This is just a short note to remind everyone that there are no such things as forbidden words or concepts. All words are equal under the sun and before God and the Holy Spirit’s laser vision. There is no hierarchy of ‘word-ly’ illusions: all are equally unreal, and symbolic only to the extent that we attribute them with power over us, and an effect on our minds. Let us not be weak before a word! No, our strength lies in our ability to see past all judgments and associations, to remember that only the Word of Love is true, and none other, and is the sound every word makes in its purest telling. No confusion we might make in this world could ever remove the true interpretation that stands behind all concepts and thoughts.

So let’s relax a little, and remember that nothing we might say here in the Village might ever justify or warrant judgment or condemnation. A laugh or a chuckle, maybe. A smile, definitely. But never a harsh word. Only patience and kind consideration, even when we might be just a tad, a smidgeon, ever-so-little over the edge on the side of less-than-right-mindedness… Our reward will only ever be – a smile. Okay, maybe a little guidance, too, but no guilt-laden reprimand.

So what’s the list of especially un-forbidden words? I’ll let the Villagers take the lead and suggest them in the ponderings. The goal of this little post is just to clear the air, to ensure that we are not carrying with us any (erroneous) preconceived notions about what is right and wrong in our posting language. However, as you can imagine,* this is not to direct conversation toward special topics; it is just to make sure everyone feels reassured that there is nothing wrong with them either. Over time, I trust we will manage to develop a Villager-way of dealing with these issues of language and fantasy as they arise.

Much love to you all,
Bernard

PS Just love the flow of ponderings lately – thank you all so much.
* See previous journal entry on June 8th.

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Mayor’s Journal
June 15th, 2010
For the second time a Villager has kindly shared her experience with us about a man whose socially difficult behavior on a public bus challenges her perceptions of kindness and forgiveness (and those of the other passengers, too). In putting in my ‘two cents worth’ in the ponderings, the following ideas arose, and I then thought to post them as an entry in the Journal because of their universal nature. This is not about the Villager concerned – it is about all of us and our perceptions of others based on our desire to confirm our sense of individuality, using thoughts of upset and fear…

Dear Villager, thanks for keeping us up-to-date on this continuing lesson. First, I think you did very well in at least being aware of the thoughts that were running through your mind, and were honest about the hate there. That’s a really good start. After all, the typical reaction would be to hate or be repulsed, and be unaware of it, or to blame it all on the other person. Not entirely your case. While there was a part of you which indeed was judging this person, there was another part observing yourself doing this, and another part aware that there was probably (somehow) another way of looking at the situation. It seems that your actual choice to get up and move seats may have been the most appropriate one. There may have been others, but that was pretty good, I think.

Now, the question might be, could you simply have got up from your seat and sat somewhere else without an entire scenario of hate and attack being played out? You could get up and sit somewhere with a scowl on your face, making sure everyone sees how uncomfortable you are and how this man has so obviously attacked (even) you (as patient and forgiving as you obviously are). Or you could just know that there is nothing truly harmful or worthy of condemnation in the confused things this man does, and know that sitting somewhere else is the right thing to do. Perhaps if everyone does this, moves somewhere else peacefully, the man will eventually see that his behavior leaves people uncomfortable, but that he is not judged, and maybe he will stop (maybe not).

Alternatively, some nanny-type figure might actually be able to give him a maternal, playful tap on the hand or even on the head with the book, and say, “Now you stop being so silly. You know you scare everyone. What did you say your name was? Where do you come from?” The little old Japanese man in the subway might do this, as we mentioned elsewhere. So it really isn’t about what you do (a whack on the head or moving somewhere else), it’s about what you hold in your heart and mind. And the result you produce for yourself within is what you will communicate to the other person. If you are afraid, you will likely feel hate, and not communicate anything peaceful. So it would perhaps be useful to first look at your fear. What could this person really do? How is he ‘hurting’ people? How can you defuse the fear in you?

Unconsciously this man is attracted to the power he has over people to make them feel uncomfortable. And it works well for him. And maybe he really doesn’t want to stop. It might be interesting to note how we all like to ‘have some power’ over others, being able to make them feel like this or that. More than often, we prefer to think we have some power to make people feel good, though often we’re (secretly) quite proud of our ability to make them feel bad. Jesus talks very explicitly about this: the foundation of all our special relationships is our ability to make other people feel guilty. (Several passages in The Needless Sacrifice, Chapter 15) Either way, making people feel guilty (to assume our guilt) or happy (affecting them so as to get their unspoken approval with a smile or nod), it’s the same thing. It’s not bad – it’s just our way of trying to maintain the illusory power of our small, imaginary self.

While we think that someone else’s power to affect others is real (affecting them positively or negatively), we will think our self-same ability is real and powerful, and we will unconsciously feel guilty about this. It makes us feel uncomfortable because it is the ability we believe we slew God to procure – to be able to ‘have an affect’ and thereby exist. Instead of feeling discomfort about being shown our own failing’s (our own need to do exactly the same and manipulate others in order to feel powerful), and then projecting this discomfort onto other people (“he made me feel like this”), we could smile at the entire charade. We could watch ourselves trying, for the umpteenth time, to have an effect on others, to want to have some power over them, just like this man.

So when this man approaches, perhaps we could say, “Here I am, wanting to scare and affect others. This is me. How funny, now that I see it. But I’m really not that powerful. I can have no real effect over others. Nor does this man have any real effect over other people. Only if they want to be affected and upset by him. It’s all just a game of make-believe. What can he really do, make a fool out of me, speak to me loudly, embarrass me before others?” The other people in the bus, likewise, will be upset only to the extent they want to be upset (now he is the guilty one in their existence). Yes, it’s a bus full of secretly guilt-ridden passengers who are upset by this man. But you don’t have to identify with them, seeing yourself like them and equally (oh so justifiably!) upset by this imaginary situation. As the first lessons in the workbook show us, it is not a fearful world we see, but a meaningless world, which the ego then rushes in to give (guilty, hateful) meaning to. Again, it is not a fearful or hateful world we see, or even feel. It is a meaningless world, both the outside world, and our inside world of thoughts and feelings. Not bad or sinful, just empty of sense and meaning.

In the beautiful quote that you mentioned, I took out this line: “All the angels will come to your aid and you will know what to say or do.” Seeing through their eyes would mean seeing a brother identical to yourself who is first and foremost confused about his reality/identity. He does not see himself as embraced within the wholeness of His Father’s Love, that’s quite clear. Thus he is in a state of total panic, unsure as to his reality, or even as to his existence. He feels a need to prove and demonstrate his ‘existence’ in a way that challenges the perceptions of the people around him. We have all done this at some time or another, being the adolescent rebel, or the upsetting work colleague or the irascible boss or sullen spouse. How often do we do this during our day, challenge the perceptions of others in order to feel ‘alive’, to count and be noticed?

The perception of the angels is always available, and the only possible source of peace in the matter. You will then know what to say or do simply because whatever you say or do (moving seats or slapping his hand playfully or poking him in the chest or calling the bus driver or making a comment about his nose or asking where he bought his tie or where he is going…), you will be communicating acceptance and understanding (of him AND of yourself), and it will be loving. AND it is really quite okay if it takes another year or five years of traveling on the same bus with the same man until our perception shifts.

A man on the bus, or a complaining partner or a corrupt elected official… it’s all the same. Slowly, slowly, slowly, we turn all our perceptions around and find how this is only ever about me, but the ‘me’ who is one, who is EveryOne. There is only One of us, and whatever we see in someone else is what we can learn to see in ourselves. Then we learn to let go all connotation of sinfulness or condemnation. We have just made a series of perceptual mistakes without any consequence whatsoever. What scares us in actual fact is the pure lack of consequence. Nothing ever happened. This means there is no real upset in this man’s behavior, ultimately because there is no real man there. But this means there is no real me here either. And so we learn why we need to be patient with ourselves. It’s ultimately about taking our perception very, very far down another track, and this scares us for the time being. Ultimately we will see it is the greatest freedom to learn that none of this – none of it – is what we thought. We are all always entirely and thoroughly wrong all the time. Absolutely all the time. If only we knew how far off-track our perceptions really were…

Wishing you lots of kindness toward yourself and courage. Thanks for this challenge; it is really one we all share.

(Okay, I’ll try to be a little more brief next time!)

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Village Hall Bulletin:

Spice cake with lavishes of chocolate frosting and chocolate-coated strawberries being served at the Village Hall where a party is being held to celebrate Lawrence’s imminent departure. Serve yourselves from the jugs of spicy apple juice and chilled mint tea on the buffet to wash it all down.

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Village Hall Bulletin:
June 16th, 2010
Today’s the day…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LAWRENCE!!
Farewell, dear friend, you shall be sorely missed…

“Peace to my brother, who is one with me,
Let all the world be blessed with peace through us.”

You have graced us with your wisdom and kindness and we shall spend this year thinking of you and your deepening relationship with your inner Teacher. May God’s Peace be your daily reward, may the oil lamp which sheds light on your pages illuminate your search for Home, may your path grow in serenity and inner (and outer) health. And may you return quickly so that we might hear once again your dear words to us, “God bless us every one”.

Thank you for being our brother,
Much love from all of us,
Villagers and Monklings, alike.

P.S. Lawrence has mentioned that he would welcome any emails from his friends, and has authorized me to send out his email to those who wish to remain in contact with him during his year-long retreat. Send me an email at bernard@pauloandthemagician.com. to receive his address.

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Village Bulletin Board:
Freshly posted at the Monastery, copious notes from Ken’s current workshop, “I Need Do Nothing”. Also, a youtube video of Bonnie playing an extraordinary violin duet, a masterfully executed work of modern composition. Wonderful! Many thanks, Jamie.

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Mayor’s Note:
18th June, 2010
Hmm. Not much inspiration these days. Just going through the motions of what appears as ‘life’ before my eyes every day. Lots of wet weather over here in France. Reminds me of Mr. Salvatori in Paulo, every day saying the same thing, “It’s a bet damp, isn’t it?” It still looks like every day I get up and determine how I feel by a host of different things in my body’s environment: the weather, my sleep, the news, the quality of the coffee, the first smiles (or grimaces) of the day… And as soon as I switch gears and search for a statement that comes from deep within, another, holier place, I feel instantly better. Peaceful. As if it really is not going to matter what happens that day. It’s just okay.

Some personal news:
Pumpkin is scared of a big black cat who’s become the feline mafia honcho in our woods. We think he even stole into the house and pee-ed everywhere – there was a terrible cat smell in the house when we arrived back last night. That’s not our little Pumpkin! Strange. Also, and most importantly, I received perhaps the most beautiful letter of my life yesterday. My ex-wife and I were divorced 10 years ago and have seen each other very little since, even though we live in the same village.

The separation had been very difficult for both of us. I wasn’t aware, but during the past decade she has undergone a whole inner program of looking and healing, and yesterday she presented me with a letter in closure for the pain we had both endured. It was beautifully written, right from the heart, and helped pull together lots of loose ends, giving us some real common ground now for communicating. All the tension was gone, there were no more victims, and no trying to ‘understand’ things, either. And she also presented me – a huge surprise – with a book she had written. I had no idea! An even greater surprise, it was on her personal healing using ACIM in conjunction with psychosynthesis (I can’t tell you anything about what this is). I had introduced her to ACIM years and years ago, but had no idea she had continued with it. If you’re interested, you can look it up on Amazon, her pen name is Olivia de Gage, and the book is called L’Amour Déraisonné (it’s written in English).

I really enjoyed receiving the letter, but what I felt even more peaceful about was that I knew she didn’t need to write it. In some ways it’s the kind of perfect letter we would all like to receive from a loved one, from a parent, a son or daughter, or a spouse, about forgiveness, respect, recognition. Now that it was there in my hands, I felt that my love and appreciation for this person were not different. They had always been there, even during the hard times. I think I had gone through an important transition recently that really helped this feeling be born within me.

I had pretty much always kept my ‘difficult divorce’ in my baggage of horror stories to pull out at the right moment. You know, like when you’re with friends and the conversation turns to victim stories. Over time I had stopped bringing up this dramatic event in public, but it always remained in my inner library, my ‘record of grievances’ (Ken’s two books). It seemed that something inside defended ‘my right’ to catalog this experience as a truly painful episode. As if keeping this story was a way of validating something (disastrous) about my life. Then only a month or so ago (which interestingly enough corresponded roughly with the date on her letter), I decided to wipe the slate clean.

There was no ‘real’ pain. There was pain, but only because I continued to insist on it; in reality, it was all over long, long ago. There was no need to relive it, neither publicly but more importantly in my inner records, as a time of anger and upset. I just didn’t want to keep these records anymore, or perhaps I just felt I didn’t need them anymore. At that moment, it seemed to me that I grew up just a little more. At least, that’s what it felt like. I wanted to attach myself to something more important than my life experiences. There was something more important, and much more beautiful than any personal, human experience I could have. Something mystical, divine and simply – peaceful.

Every day now I try to wake up and remember that decision. So when it’s damp and wet, when the first coffee of the day isn’t so good, when the first looks of the day are grimaces instead of smiles, when my work situation looks even more chaotic than normal, when I’m late for an appointment and ‘it’s not my fault’, I bring myself back to this daily dedication: I’m not looking for personal, human experiences anymore of ‘things going right, things looking good’, I’m not looking for an end to my abuse and victim story – that’s not interesting. The world will do what it will do, continuing on its crazy course. But I can feel something different inside now. There is a light, a warm inner flame that chases away even the dampest weather, and a cool inner breeze that calms the heat of any disagreement. It’s not about the outside, but the inside. And there, it can be calm all the time. The Love is there. If I reach out my hand, I can bring it a little closer, every day.

Blessings to everyone today,
Bernard.

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Mayor’s Journal
June 7th, 2010
“Beyond the poor attraction of the special love relationship, and always obscured by it, is the powerful attraction of the Father for His Son. There is no other love that can satisfy you, because there is no other love.” T.15.VII.1.1-2

I opened our beloved blue book this morning at a random page and this is the phrase that jumped out at me. I just love it anytime Jesus mentions this ‘powerful attraction’, like when he talks about the one of ‘love for Love’. I hadn’t realized that he had used these precise same words twice in the book. And then the wonderful, no-exceptions ‘there is no other love’. Well, isn’t that just how we all feel daily? No? Uh, perhaps not. You, maybe. But not usually me. Typically there seem to be so many other things I will come to love during the course of a day, some of them planned (espresso!), and some of them not (a check in the mail, a successful meal that I cooked – now that is a surprise!). And this got me thinking that the way I lead my day is in fact purely from one special relationship to another.

The ‘me’ I think I am is always relating to something ‘outside of me’. Now, that relationship is always one of trying to bring something into my life because I think it is good for me or brings me pleasure. These these are all my special love relationships, I figure. And then there are those things during the day I will try to avoid because I esteem them as affecting me negatively, such as avoiding a particular neighbor, or putting off doing the taxes – my special hate relationships. An endless series of things to do or to avoid purely to guarantee some extremely tenuous sense of ‘well-being’ for this individual I still perceive myself to be. Phew! What a lot of work, and according to Jesus, all for nothing!

The essence of the separated state is one of guilt and lack, and these fill the mind so completely that every thought during the day will be one of using and manipulating the outside world either to feel better (special love relationships) or to avoid feeling worse (special hate relationships). In reality, of course, only one relationship is possible, as Jesus tells us above. That relationship is the one not with illusions and delusions, but with our Source, our heavenly Father. Once this holy relationship is brought back into the mind, the need for such special love and hate objects evaporate, since we no longer feel a lack that we seek to fill, or guilt that we then project onto the world around us.

What I love about this is how the ego is so total: we can’t pretend to not be dominated by it. We will live our lives today as a series of special love and hate relationships – that’s a given. So why feel guilty about what we know we’re going to do anyway? The Monk has been helping me learn this lesson for a year now, and it has been sooo useful. It’s not about avoiding the ego or trying not to be filled with ego. It’s about looking at being filled with the ego from the moment I brush my teeth in the morning, till the moment I tuck myself into bed at night – and learning to look upon this with the love of Jesus as my guide. In His sight there is no judgment; there is no guilt. It’s all just a mistake, nothing more. And a mistake is a mistake is a mistake. And will never be a sin or a crime worthy of condemnation or punishment.

Ahhhh…

Please note that acimpunk is quietly resting in a field of sunflowers (hemp?) where he is waiting for us to come join him. Also, note Lisi’s nightime consciousness is helping us understand it’s not about trying to be a ‘good person’. And Nina is jumping up and down for a good reason. Also, some loving thoughts from Lawrence (helped by Neil Diamond – okay, I’m to blame), and Annie.

So, let’s have a day today of knowing that whatever we think we need or could do without, a wonderful presence lies just beyond our sight that would take all the stress out of that busyness.

Love you all,
Bernard

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Mayor’s Journal
June 8th, 2010
This morning I found on my computer two questions by Villagers about our home nestled between the Rightmind Hills that I’d like to talk about here. The first question was about the use of silliness, laughter and non-acim symbols. I’m glad the question came up because it gives us a chance to re-visit this subject. The Village is starting to exist in its own right (not just as a result of events at the Monastery), and together we need start to form a culture that conforms to the needs of everyone, and respects everyone’s desires.

You see, I’m really not against silliness, as such. If anything, I like a bit of laughter and humour. It has just been a question of guiding us all to focus on the real purpose of our being together. It’s difficult to maintain that line when at heart none of us are purely and uniquely philosophers but also human beings who like to laugh and smile when we are together, as one does when amongst friends and loved ones. I love to think seriously, to ponder on (non-) existence and eternal Love, and also to laugh and smile. When face-to-face, it’s easy to slide from one to the other naturally. Over the internet, we have to write it all out. That’s where the ‘danger’ is.

We are a pretty heterogeneous group of students, really. Some of us like to use images and symbols that come more directly from the imagination, and others prefer a more studious atmosphere in which the focus is implicitly and explicitly on applying our spirituality and sharing our experiences doing so. The question is how to provide a village space in which both types of students feel comfortable and truly at home. If there is excessive gaiety and too many imaginative (non-acim) symbols, then some people are quite likely to feel simply ‘not at home’. While I do not want these people to feel excluded, it would be a pity if the other type of student did. As we saw at the Monastery, it can be a bit of a challenge marrying the two different atmospheres. It doesn’t mean we can’t, but in the birthing phase of the Village I did want to be a bit careful. So there has been some emphasis on keeping the use of laughter and non-acim talk/stories to a minimum.

In all honesty, I can’t say I know how to find or encourage this balance. Perhaps because ‘I’ can’t do it. It is something that must come naturally out of the participation of the Villagers. Can we leave a message with everyone, ponderers and on-lookers alike (who are sometimes numerous), that we are devoted to our chosen spirituality, even though we sometimes use laughter to help each other in the lightest way possible get through an otherwise ego-dominated day/world? We can only ask them for understanding and patience (and forgiveness) as we work our way toward finding our own balance here, one between excessive silliness and distracting playfulness on the one hand, and exclusive stony-faced sobriety on the other. Perhaps we all need to learn to smile and break up the seriousness on our faces with some gentle laughter and humor, but not in a way that becomes the focus of our communication and participation. A Buddhist monk’s face is creased with smile marks. Smiling is not his specific goal; it’s just a natural outcome of his inner work. How can we learn to ‘smile’ when we write without smiling becoming the objective?

Does anyone have any other thoughts on this matter?

The second question I have been asked, and it is not the first time, is about following the different topics here brought up by ponderers and the Mayor, which is the question about ‘threads’ and discussion pages. We do not have threads here because I preferred the more informal nature of run-on dialogue. This was compensated for by ‘pages’, where someone interested in a particular topic would just go to that page to post a comment. The disadvantage of that system was the proliferation of pages in which participants found themselves zapping tons of pages to get to the comments that interested them. So I took off the comments on certain pages in order to encourage everyone to keep their ponderings to two or three main pages. But this doesn’t allow someone to comment directly on the subject that interests her/him. Sooooo…..

I’m going to try yet another model. I’ll group all the entries of the Mayor’s Journal by week, so that there will be a separate blog page with comments for each week of entries. This will keep the number of pages to a minimum, and provide a separate place for people who would like to comment specifically on that comment. How’s that sound, everyone?

Other Village business:
Ninjanun is here!!! Welcome, Village-sister! So glad you could stop by. It seems you’re having similar connection problems to Ruth-Anne. I can’t figure out what might be going wrong for you two, if the problem doesn’t happen with other sites. My connection went through a phase like that, to the point where I would systematically save and copy all my comments before hitting the submit button, so I could just copy and past them if they got trashed.

Lawrence picked this up from Lisi’s post the other day, and it’s worth repeating:
You are something greater and
More precious than
The best person in the world.
You are not a person.
You are the Christ.
And in that recognition
All your struggling ceases,
You cease to speak.

Pam would like Kaitlyn (Lawrence’s daughter) to know that she is welcome to stop by the Village for a cup of tea and to be warmed by the fire anytime she wishes.

And if there is any doubt, I would like you all to know that we have a number of devoted Villagers who are actively participating here as “silent witnesses” (a lovely Buddhist term). Their thoughts are with us. Their contribution is being made and we can hear their silent, gentle presence if we put an ear to the ground in the corn-field by the old mill, or alternatively to the wall of the chapel at the northern gate early of a morning when all the world is quiet and still. Our thoughts and blessings are with you, too. We join in your quiet reflection even in the busyness of our lives.

Have a great day, One and All,
Much love,
Bernard

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Village Bulletin Board:
An anonymous Villager left these words on the bulletin board in the market place this afternoon. They were spotted by the baker who told the cobbler who passed the message on to the… I think the thoughts are related to laughter, but that’s just my guess.

Silence is the grand hall in which our laughter and thoughts
Play their melody,
Reaching back toward the stillness.

Within the noise,
Amongst the traffic and crowds,
Throughout the interminable meeting,
And waiting in those long, long lines,
The gentle Smile looks on.

Silence waits only for a quiet mind to be heard,
Not for the absence of sound.

Silence within sound.
Stillness within laughter.
Always, quiet.

Laughter is the background music played in the halls of stillness.

Every sound holds stillness within it,
Smiling quietly.

When the last thought of separation is undone,
When all the universe disappears into Light,

When the stars become One and the day never ends,
There shall be that smile.

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Village Bulletin Board:
June 9th, 2010
The Mayor wonders if anyone would be willing to share his/her daily “hallucination”. Someone amongst the Villagers today had the perception at one moment or another that someone else in his/her life was the problem. And this Villager’s first thought was, “If only he/she would just …, all would be so much better!” As in, “If only she would stop talking so loudly on her mobile phone, I would feel so much more peaceful…” If that Villager happens to be you (‘fess up!), then perhaps you would like to take a moment and share your event (briefly) AND the reversal of that thought (of course! Otherwise, what’s the point??). Perhaps the Forgiveness page? Or the Fireside page if you want to be more informal and munch a scone at the same time.

Other news:

An event in Pam’s life yesterday has us wondering about bringing a healing interpretation to certain outside events. Laura the not-so-toddler-student had a great suggestion. Also, counting down till the 16th and the beginning of Lawrence’s retreat.

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Villager Contribution
June 10th, 2010
Pam wrote us a follow-up to her experience with the explosion across the street that I thought was sooo on the money, I’ve included it here. For me it just captures the essence of this “extraordinary absence” of anything special we are trying to invite into our lives. Enjoy!

Thanks for the feed back everyone. The drama across the highway is still going on. The State Patrol helicopter just got done circling the site about 10 times then landed in the pasture. FBI agents were there yesterday and I am assuming today also. He was making illegal fireworks. A federal offense. the world is screaming “This is not an ordinary day! Pay attention! Get all worked up about this!” A steady stream of Gawkers goes by. People have called asking me Questions. (The neighbor had the same last name as I. So there is the woo factor)

Here I am observing from my “front row seat” feeling ordinary, doing ordinary dishes,looking out the ordinary window above the sink at their ordinary house with ordinary trees and yard with ordinary people doing their ordinary jobs of sifting through ordinary explosion debris. Then I go feed ordinary kittens…….Ordinary words can’t describe how extra-ordinarily ordinary of a “feeling space” I am in.

Thanks, Pam. One more thing, just a thought on the subject of laughter… I know there is a temptation to think that lightness and fun have taken a bad rap over the past few months, but if I could reassure you that I know personally a certain monk who believes greatly in the healing power of laughter. His own gentle laugh is healing in itself, and a smile rarely leaves his face (I can attest). So let’s not give ourselves a hard time if we find the edges of our faces creasing upwards and a chuckle bubbling in the depths of our hearts. The whole Sonship laughs with us. Only a smile is then seen, written on all things.

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Mayoral Declaration: A day of ice-cream therapy in the Village
Guess I don’t need to say too much about this! *
Just remember, if you’re eating by the Fireside, eat quickly!
I just want to send a big hug to the whole Village today.
{{{{{{{{{{VILLAGERS}}}}}}}}}}
Hugs to Lawrence, Nina, Pam, Annie, Lisi, Katrina, Anil, Laura, Acimpunk, Kendall, Ruth-Anne, Ninjanun, Winnie (yoo-hoo!)…
And also to Al, Hedda, Sally, Zenbear, Zafu, Bev, Gail, Sarah, Murrill,
As well as to the silent, meditative observers all over the world who are in our thoughts.

Much love, Bernard
P.S. Just love this photo with the chocolate sauce dripping over the sides… (yum)

* I will add, however, this line from an early workbook lesson: “My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world.” Jesus did not say, “My ‘bad’ thoughts are showing me a meaningless world.” They are just meaningless – no value judgment anywhere about what’s going through our minds. So we don’t have to add a judgment where this isn’t one. He also didn’t say that our thoughts were showing us a bad world, which we might be tempted to think. Again, it is just a meaningless world. It makes, and has, no real sense, no matter what images play themselves in front of us today.

We are completely free to have all the thoughts we wish: passionate, ugly, desirous, violent, apathetic, melancholic… It is the most freeing gift that Jesus gives us – it doesn’t matter what goes through our minds. None of these thoughts has any meaning or significance, and we can peacefully observe them in all their strange pyrotechnical display. They do not mean anything – anything – about us. We are free from any interpretation: we are not good, bad, unworthy, sinful, or otherwise, as a result of what’s in our minds. They are just silly thoughts, all of them, whether it’s a desire to attack or eat a yummy ice cream. It’s just that eating a hot chocolate fudge sundae is a little more socially acceptable (per se) than hitting your work colleague over the head with your notebook. 🙂

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Village Bulletin Board:
I would like to remind everyone at the Village, those who actively participate, and those who silently participate (just as important), that the Mayor is available for one-on-one discussion about any of the issues brought up at the Village. If there is any hesitation to express yourself in this public forum (which can be understandable), then please don’t hesitate to make contact with me. I exchange emails and Skype calls with a number of Villagers on different subjects, and this can be an effective way of continuing our learning in a less exposed setting. So join me, and join in, if there is something on your mind; please don’t let the open discussion format prevent you from sharing your thoughts and needs for further input. I’ll add that this is definitely not spiritual counseling (please see the Monk on the Monastery page), but a continuation of the informality of the discussion group, but in a more private setting.

The Village Hall Hotlines:
Email: bernard@pauloandthemagician.com
Skype: acimvillagemayor

Mayor’s Journal
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Getting out of bed this morning (Pumpkin allowed me a little sleep – he’s so sweet), the thought crossed my mind that it might be good practice for me to write an on-line journal for a while. I’ve been more of the secretive type for most of my life, the ultimate hermit in many ways, but last year it became clear that that had to stop. My first venture into a public forum was at the Monastery, and it was quite some challenge formulating thoughts that would be seen by who-knew-how-many-people. I’m sure all of us had looked back on some of our whispers at some time, and thought, “I wouldn’t write that now.” I guess it’s just more help for our process, seeing ourselves reflected in our writings.

Recent changes in my life
In one way or another, I have been involved in the building field for about 13 years, as a hands-on tradesman building or renovating houses. It became clear over the course of last year that the time for moving in was nearing, and with the downturn in the housing market, there was a clear ‘opportunity’ for stopping. I bit the bullet in February this year, and de-registered myself as a tradesman (a registration is obligatory, and very expensive, in France). Since then, things have gone a little haywire in my little brain (read: mind).

Building had been a great gift. It had stabilized me in so many ways, and had given me countless opportunities on a daily basis for practicing the change in mind Jesus encourages in us. For example, “I am not a victim of this hammer that just slipped and hit me on the foot.” There is always a temptation to anthropomorphize absolutely everything at a job – the wheelbarrow (in the shins), sand (in the eye), wood (splinters), etc.. All these objects could, and did, become the “enemy”. How totally mad! As if they were “doing it to me”. Yet that was, indeed, my immediate and initial reaction. Every time.

It was fabulous to see this reaction going on in the mind, and then to realize, no, this is just a physical sensation. There is no attack, nothing personal is happening. The hammer does not wish me any harm, as if inanimate objects could have a grudge against me, as I surely felt animate objects (people) certainly did because of my unspoken “crime”. The words echoed in my mind, ‘Any personal feeling about this, Bernard, is within you.’ And then I would see how clearly I felt a victim all the time. It was my constant state of being, or more accurately, of the being that I thought I was. There was all the time another “being” there, quietly looking on and observing with me. And when I slipped into that place of observation, it all seemed so comical and light. “Poof!” in the best sense. The drama and pain were gone. The hammer became once more just a hammer, no longer a fiend that had to be attacked in turn. It just sat there, ready to carry out my next wish. A friend.

Wishing the entire Village a wonderful day. May all your fiends be transformed into friends…
Love,
Bernard

PS Only one little letter “r” separates fiend from friend – what do you suggest it stands for?

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Mayor’s Journal
Thursday, May 3rd, 2010

A perfectly clean slate

So my building activity came to an abrupt end in February, and I was left to contemplate the emptiness now left over from years of getting up and working hard physically from 8 am often till 7 pm. There was relief and a great sense of expectation, but also fear and a sort of agitation. The agitation spoke from my guilt, whispering, “You lazy bum, what’re you going to do with your life now? You think you’ve got things to give? You think you’re going to be able to make ends meet by doing what, selling a book? That’s going to keep the dog well fed (not even the cat – sorry, Pumpkin!), but what are you going to do for a serious activity?”

And it was with this background chatter that I drove to the accountant’s office for my end-of-activity statement. I knew he had been pretty sceptical about my ‘creative endeavours’, but I wasn’t ready for his downright negativity. As he sat there informing me that my only hope was to continue with the building trade, even though I was earning a minimal income, something welled up within me and said, “No.” I continued nodding, as he talked, simply waiting for that final handshake when we would part ways, and part philosophies.

I went to a sidewalk café afterwards (always the best place for serious life-changing thinking) and had a conversation with a wonderful internal friend (perhaps you’ve heard of Him?). We had a long talk about this sense of condemnation and imprisonment I felt, and He helped me see how silly the whole thing was. I was fine just as I was; all was really well in existence. Nothing had been done to shake reality to its core and make the Heavens tremble. There was absolutely no pressure, and no requirement for things to “work out”. Suddenly my coffee tasted that much sweeter. Life seemed to include me once more in its constant flow toward harmony and unity. There was no forcing against the current or trying to make things work. Whatever happened would be fine, because He was there. I was not alone, and not unloved or disapproved of.

I didn’t know how, but somehow I felt this new direction was going to work. It had been a long time since I had felt this kind of resolution, the kind that is not just about externals, like, “This new situation/project is going to work for me.” But rather it said something like, “You’re going to learn to adopt a new perspective on your life and you will bring this into your thoughts more and more till it fills your internal horizon. Eventually, this will become your entire life, and your old perspective will fade away. This is what you have been working towards. It is now that it shall begin to happen.”

It felt real; it felt clear. This was a turning point. I didn’t know what that meant, and had enough experience to know that a certain amount of heartache was probably going to be involved. But at least there was movement again, back in the right direction Homeward (in actual truth, all direction is really Homeward; there is no other direction). There was always the possibility of making mistakes, now that I was venturing into totally unfamiliar activities. But I had become accustomed to risk, and particularly adept at making mistakes. They didn’t really intimidate me any more, though they could scare me for a bit. As for learning from them, that often took time. But I always figured that was better than just sitting around doing what I knew best.

Suddenly as I sat at the café, I was transported several decades back in time. Mr Meltzner’s advice to me when I was thirteen had always stuck in my mind. At our high school we had to take a sport and there I was on the tennis court for the first time, together with kids who actually knew what a racket was for. I got my hand around the right end (okay, it’s difficult to hold it by the wrong end), and just went for it. Wherever that damn ball was, I was trying to hit it, much to the amazement and irritation of the other kids sharing the same side of the court with me. The balls flew all over the place, and my racket, too, at one point took off in an unorthodox direction (at least I was pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to be on the other side of the court). But I was in there, doing it. I was playing tennis.

After the session I thought the coach was going to give me an earful about my pathetic attempts and expedite me to the debating team (the last resort for the truly unsporty kids). He must have seen something like this in my eyes because he crouched down (he was a big guy), put a hand on my shoulder, and said, “I don’t care if you ever hit that ball or not. What’s really important is that you got out there and tried. Don’t let your fear ever stop you.”

Suddenly I felt it was okay to make mistakes. That was it. No sin, no crime, just a mistake. It was years later that I felt Ken telling me the exact same thing, over and over, in his classes and in our exchange of letters. We will make mistakes. That’s just life here. Everything is a mistake. Getting up and breathing is a mistake. How could we think it possible not to make mistakes? The only thing we could conceivably do was to learn to live within our mistake-making frame of mind and constantly forgive ourselves for the long series of errors we would make from dawn to dusk. That was happiness and freedom. Freedom from any implication of sin or guilt, from judgment and condemnation.

A blank slate lay before me that was called “my life”, and it had nothing written on it. It was perfectly neutral. Now, the ego could chalk in all over it that there was some serious problem here, and some terrible mistake (i.e. “sin”) there. But those words were simply that – chalked in phrases on a blank slate. With a swift wipe of Jesus’ hand, the words fell away and revealed what was always there: a perfectly clean place, quiet, uninterrupted by thoughts or dramas of any kind. Peaceful.

A new day had just begun, and I left the café and made my way quietly home to see what this new “life” might turn out to look like.

May your day today be lived like a perfectly clean slate.

Many blessings to the Village.

Love,

Bernard

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Mayor’s Journal

Friday, June 4th, 2010

This will be a short entry in the journal today, lots to do. I woke up and breathed my first breath and immediately noticed that I thought there were so many important and critical things to do this day. Welcome to the separation! “The ego always speaks first…” And so I tried to let the other Voice in for a minute or two (or three)…

Hmm. Maybe there were, indeed, a lot of things to do, but none for the reason I thought. None of them would be critical to my state of peace, or feeling of profound well-being, if that were my choice. At the end of the day, I didn’t have to be disappointed or irritated if they weren’t done. It’s a bit of a challenge for me, since I have been a “get-it-done” kind of guy most of my life. As I’ve worked through the Course it became obvious that there was another way of living and experiencing ‘existence’, and that each moment could be one of completion, instead of struggling to make the next, and the next, thing happen always in order to ‘feel better’, somehow more fulfilled, more complete. But if nothing is missing in eternity, then nothing would be missing during my day. I don’t usually get there, but it’s nice to try and for moments during the day there is this state of relaxation and lightness that settles in from time to time. Sweet.

Please note that Lawrence has indicated he will going on a year-long retreat starting this June 16th (his birthday). And thus we only have a few days left to get all we can out of this man! He will be cloistering himself away with some mighty Companions, and delving into the powerful silence that reaches to us all around within the illusion. Our thoughts accompany you, dear brother, on your future journey back Home.

Also, please note the post our local Monk has recently put up at the Monastery on Specialness. Like me, perhaps you will be amused by his poetic humour, but also moved by the intensity and wisdom behind it. Specialness is a constant issue for me, and one that made me very reluctant to start the Village. I know I have not yet managed to live without my drug. Its sweet sickness is there in the back of my mind, and too often makes its way into my words, written and spoken, despite my ‘best intentions’ and efforts to edit it out. I can only trust that the Villagers and other onlookers will understand the time it takes to wean oneself of this pervasive identity.

Wishing you a day of fullness and completion, in which the sickly sweetness of specialness begins to lose its deranged appeal, leaving place for our Brother to bring his gentleness and understanding into our minds and hearts.

Loving you all,

Bernard

P.S. I did not purposely choose a photo of a list with ‘shave the cat’ as one of the jobs to do today, although Pumpkin did not particuarly help me get a good night’s sleep.

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Mayor’s Journal
Sunday, June 6th, 2010
That same fateful day after my meeting with the accountant and my coffee shop resolution that “this change was somehow going to work” was the same day the Village came to life. Perhaps it was just a pure coincidence that I received an email that same day informing me about the changes at the Monastery. But it felt a lot like a hologram shift to me. You know, the kind of day when you shake your head and say, life wasn’t quite the same yesterday. It was like walking through an invisible partition into a different physical reality. Have you ever had moments like that? And this is where distinguishing between form and content can be so important. Of course, reality never really changes. That’s impossible. But what we think of as our ‘life’ can sometimes take such a sudden turn that it leaves you wondering about the fixed reference point you called ‘life’ in the first place.

According to quantum physics, there is no real ‘physical’ universe as such. It’s all just energy held together by thought. As Ken would say, even that thought itself is unreal, so there truly is no ‘anything’ to the ‘something’ we call this world. Even the atoms we consider our bodies to be are composed of other, still smaller particles with Startrek-like names. Even more puzzling, these particles are so small that the space between them is as relatively large as the space between the stars in the galaxy. This means, according to the physicists, that there is plenty of space amongst these particles for other particles to slip in, without us being aware. Which means that as we sit here reading this journal post, multiple other realities are sharing the exact same space. We don’t see them because the photons don’t interact with them; they only hit the universe we have decided to focus on. What gives coherence and consistency to the universe that appears before us is the train of our thought, which for the most part, as we know, is dominated by the ego and separation.

So there is a ‘me’ who never stopped doing building work, and another one who went off to start a flower shop in Paris, and another one who had a car accident on the way home and is lying in hospital with a handicap for life – all interacting within the same ‘physical’ plane.

Now, none of this is interesting as such. Why learn about the presence of other illusory realities when we can’t even get our minds around this one? The only reason I mention it is because, like all these forays into the abstraction of quantum physics, it helps us shake up our notions of what is real and what is not. And what is not real is hardly worth giving too much importance to. One set of pictures versus another.

What is very reassuring to know is that whatever happens to us today, it is just one series of pictures amongst many. What can give meaning and coherence to these pictures is learning to interpret them together with an inner Teacher – who is real. That is the only stability possible in this insane dimension we have imagined, composed of fluff and dust. And His interpretation will always bring us back to one perception about these pictures: underneath all images of separate and competing interests, of sensitive and needy bodies, there is a harmony and perfect order to all things. There is the absolute sameness of our interests, the deep desire to remember our constant Home, to exit the crazy perception of vulnerability and guilt.

No matter which universe we enter today, everything remains firmly held within a space of immaculate Love. We can hold out our hand amidst the images that come and go and touch our brother’s, being just a little less afraid of his reaction. We can smile that light, joyful little inner smile that says, “I am never upset for the reason I think – God did not create a meaningless world.”

Hmm. I didn’t plan on writing this today. So I guess that was a hologram shift, too. Hope it was a fun one!

Anyway, wishing you a happy day in your own personal hologram. I’m glad that your universe includes me for a while! Many thanks for stopping by.

Lots of love,
Bernard

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