Fireside III
It is to the Village Square that the townspeople come to exchange views and thoughts on their beloved spiritual philosophy, learning from each other in kindness and wisdom. Then when their minds have been filled, they retire to the tavern on the western side of the square where they share in social discussion, learning of each other’s events and challenges, happinesses and sometimes sadnesses, too. With a mug or glass in hand, they collect in front of the great Fireplace that dominates the long wall. Benches and chairs are often filled on market day with those who have come from farther away, bringing news of events and views the local people delight in hearing.
If you are feeling disoriented by all the philosophical talk by the fountain in the Village Square, then come sit down on the bench here with us for a while just to soothe your mind and share a mug of tea or coffee. Let’s all make sure the conversation is quiet and simple, caring and thougtful, exactly the kind of talk you might have around a warm hearth, the only light filling the room coming from the fireplace.
This is the third installment in the Fireside discussion series. After we reach 900 comments, the page takes too long to load on your computer, and so we start another fresh page. To review previous discussions, we keep the old pages (Fireside I and Fireside II) which you can find under the ‘Village’ tab on the navigation bar at the top of screen under the image of the tree.
Hello, to all my village family. I have a habit of writing saying etc. that I like on note cards. These two were in a book and I picked up. The first is paraphrased I am sure from a book titled “The Biology of Transcendence by Joseph Chilton Pearce. I believe it was recommended by Carrie G. from The DU Group.
“There is nothing to fear. In your mind you know you can remember God then His strength takes the place of your weakness. Then there is no Fear. Experience is the manifestation of knowledge is it not? Knowing that God is Spirit or Love is something we are experiencing with Him. This knowledge would not have to be imparted as we were, are and always will be experiencing it.”
The second card is Lesson 45…. “The purpose of A Course In Miracles is not to lead us to an understanding of God but to an experience of his Love”.
God bless us every one
lawrence
Hiya everyone !
thought I’d saunter to the fireside, and it’s been almost a month since anyone was here. everything looks spotless however, mayor bernard continues to run a heroic show here, pretty much single-handedly !
(thanks, bernard, for the video and article, still digesting it…. i think of you for other reasons these days – i’m late-night food-binging oftentimes these last few weeks, and i remember your food-slurping comments from many moons ago (:
speaking of you, and thinking of you, i feel like writing out a thought that’s been in my mind for a day or two this week – not too long, but perhaps i can go ahead…
hmm…
well, i was thinking of coming visiting you in france for a meal, i remember your saying that there was a village close to where you live, so what do you think ? can i make it from paris some morning and we choose the nearest village that you like to go to, and we share a meal there ? then i would take the train back to paris in the late afternoon/evening, and probably fly out from charles de gaulle airport that night to london.
(or wherever i decide i should go next – i want to visit florence where i got married, so that’s probably my next stop)
let me know if that sounds like an interesting idea ? and when this year, if so ?
i thought i would stick around and chat some more, but i think i better not to leave to the last minute (as i am wont to do) the important(?)/required morning ritual of getting ready for the day ahead…
toodle doo,
a
Mr a, you name the time, I’ll name the pretty village replete with irises, wisteria, stone houses, wonderful country auberge with plenty of fine victuals. Whenever, wherever, my friend. If indeed you might be flying into Paris and only have a short time, then I think it would be better if we met some place in between, since my little village is about 6 hours train ride away (and about 7 hours drive). Looking forward to introducing you to the real ACIMVillge, this year or next. B.
Yay, Bernard ! – that was a faster response than I expected ! (:
I am indeed going to be flying through Paris this year – my estimate is that it is likely to be around Sept/Oct, — I didn’t know that you were about 6 hours out by train..
Let me firm up the plans, and then we can fix up a time ?
Oh you lucky lucky lucky guys, that sounds so wonderful!
Helloo….4 days without a hug and chat in the Village? Pat – it’s so long since you posted. Anything new? or older?
Pat…ohmy. PAM I mean. P A M
Hey Nina, yes it’s spooky quiet here! You’d almost think it’s because farmer Joe’s bull ran down the main street chasing everyone away!
On the newsy side, I’ve done six conference style talks over here in France now, to anywhere from 12 to 25 people, which has been a great experience. Loads of fun, actually, though a lot of work and sometimes pretty stressful. We even now have our own website in French: uncoursenmiraclesenfrance .com. I’ve done some videos in French but I really should redo them since they came across pretty stilted. It’s all a great learning experience. Some people are really quite interested, which is a nice surprise.
I’m going to try to slow down my building work a bit since I’ve really been run off my feet. That should give me a little more time to say hello here.
It’s been a dreary two weeks over here with lots of rain, but then we’ve had near drought conditions for months, so it’s a welcome relief. No one is complaining.
This ACIM path never ceases to amaze me. There are still layers and layers of unconsciousness to uncover. Each layer that comes off reveals something even more amazing about the true nature of reality. I think when we finally discover the Truth, we will be so utterly surprised that there will be literally no words to describe it. We are not what we think we are, and daily experience is not what we think it is. We are all having another experience at the same time, but one we don’t even suspect. The Real World is dancing before our eyes every moment of the day. And from It’s perspective, things look so completely different.
That’s my little two cents of philosophizing for today, folks!
Mr A, we’ll firm things up as the time comes around. Yes, sorry to say, I’m a long way south of Paris, so we’ll have to see what we can do. If there’s anyway you can make your flights come through Toulouse, then we’ll be much closer to each other (two hours drive).
Hugs and loves to you all.
Hi Nina – glad you sparked another conversation here. 4 days is a long time (although the previous gap in the Tavern was much, much longer – almost 20 days !! ):
of course, during that 20+day interval, there was a parallel conversation happening by the Square, the sounds of which drifted through the gardens into the Tavern (:
Yes, I am looking forward to seeing Bernard… it was touch and go with potentially being able to see Pam in Lincoln last year, but that was a plan that involved many more people and their travel considerations (I was going to nip out of the group to go spend some time with Pam)…
This time, my travel through Europe is a solo trip, so I have greater confidence it will happen.
Bernard bro – thanks for the information on Toulouse. Quite likely I can re-route through Toulouse – I’ve checked that there are direct flights to Toulouse not just from Paris, but also from London, which makes it that much easier to plan my Europe trip.
On other less important matters (:, you could have been reading my mind this morning when you talked about the layers and layers of mind to go through… during my morning reading as well, i was experiencing how deep the rabbit-hole goes (:
there’s a section in one of the acim books i read which talks about “knowing by your own recognition that this path is for you” because “it is not for everyone in the illusion” –
and boy, am I glad that I have allowed that second part to sink in – I don’t have to talk about ACIM to anyone anymore – I mean the thought never even crosses my mind anymore, (except here – and even here, I can just sink into these large couches and indulge in my travel plans to the south of France to see my dear friend, my mayor, my brother…..
aah, life is good (:
Thanks for your update Bernard and your philosophical section which confirms for me once again, having that same feeling when reading your thoughts in writing, that you have a gift as a teacher, in the simple ways you phrase the truths of this path. It’s splendid that you’re finding the interest there in France for your offerings and I remember back when you commented it didn’t seem to be likely.
a…
“and boy, am I glad that I have allowed that second part to sink in – I don’t have to talk about ACIM to anyone anymore – I mean the thought never even crosses my mind anymore, (except here – and even here, I can just sink into these large couches and indulge in my travel plans to the south of France to see my dear friend, my mayor, my brother…..”
First of all, that will eventually be a place I imagine I will be able to come to completely, that letting go station that just arrives. And I love your writing too….the way you’ve expressed sinking into these larger couches here talking about your travel plans.
Yesterday I was with a group of 4 women, one of whom is Chinese and she has been teaching us Mah Jong for the last year. One of the women, who is a long time friend of mine, got upset at one point and said to me, I feel like you’re dismissing me and it has to be your way.
After the game was over she left and we talked about what happened and I learned the other two had been privy to her recent trials I was unaware of. Without going into the detail, the insight I had from learning the details of what had happened between my friend, and the hostess was that she had experienced how difficult it had been to work with her on a project she had hired her for and it was because it had to be her way and the hostess had felt like what she needed was dismissed and she needed to let my friend know it wasn’t working out and she couldn’t hire her for those two days a week any longer.
They commented to me, I handled it well and had just absorbed it. The it dawned on me that this was a perfect example of projection. I talked about it, and how we all project, and how what I love about my spiritual path, is that I can’t look at anyone in this world and think I am different, including history’s worst villians, because I have incarnated at one time or another into every form of the bad and the good….anyway I brought up love- extending it or calling for it and the permutations of fear and our choose again. I didn’t go on for very long at all really but….. After reading what you wrote a….it just makes me look at my desire to share…one one hand seeing the wisdom of not saying anything…and also seeing how much I thinking that the hostess, who I’ve never talked to about the course before, and who is a spiritual person, might have misconceptions around the course and if we had a conversation about it then she just might end of thinking this could be a great path to investigate.
I have to run off to a zoomba class love to all
I am so enjoying the posts lately- Nina, congrats on receiving all of the lovely reviews. I agree with Kjersti’s comments. What a wonderful gift of healing that will touch so many and help them along on the next step of their journey. It is an experiential read, so very different from most books. Lawrence, thanks so much for the Pearce quotes, helpful reminders! Bernard, I agree with Michele that you have a gift for writing about the truths you are discovering. By sharing these insights, you are helping us expand our awareness and acceptance of these same truths.
I recently found a book for $1.50 in a thrift store- You Are That!- Satsang with Gangaji, Vol. II. It has been very helpful- discussions on what is behind the beliefs in suffering, sacrifice, etc.
Love and blessings to all
You all have been on my mind lately, each one of you. For some time now I haven’t been feeling well. I know there are others as well that might be in a similar situation, and I think of you often. I had my first ambulance ride on a Wednesday first week of April. Sharon and I were visiting our son in Pittsburgh, and we were taking him and his girlfriend out for some delicious pizza.
Two things of note happened, one was we almost got into a fight at the pizza shop, and back at Corey’s I passed out and was taken to the hospital. The last sentence would have you believe I was drinking, but not a drop. Fast forward to today and I am getting drugs through an IV at home everyday.But, It isn’t as bad as it sounds. Everyday at noon Sharon accesses two line hanging from my upper arm and gives me a heavy duty antibiotic along with other drugs. I have been waiting for results from a bone marrow test. But it looks like I might have leukemia, and that is what an older brother of mine died from when we were kids.
Now for the clincher, we were told we would have to move, and as soon as possible. No notice was given us, and we have been here 11 years. So, we are in the process of getting things together to have an auction to raise money to move on. I don’t have life insurance but being an honorably discharged veteran I can get my burial/cremation covered from what I understand. I opt for cremation, Edgar Allen Poe scared the hell out of me with the “Premature Burial’. Add to that the fact that our daughter Shauna is having our first grandchild in the beginning of May, and round and round we go. Joni Mitchell The Circle Game Lyrics come to mind.
After Sharon cried off and on for the first few days things have settled down. We both travel now in a serene little world of our own. I have assured her I will fight what ever this turns out to be to the best of my ability and as before give it to “HS” or “J” for a once over, then it is what it is. The ambulance ride, The pizza shop, and our being asked to leave are all interesting stories. I wrote a story about my passing out and ambulance ride a few days ago to send to you all, my village family. I wrote it in my Gmail and hit the discard button instead of the save button. Those buttons are side by side, and there are two other buttons that could go between them. I will be contacting them(:
I forget where I got these particular quotes, sorry.
“You cannot be happy unless you do what you will truly, and you cannot change this because it is immutable. It is immutable by God’s Will and yours, for otherwise His Will would not be extended. You are afraid to know God’s Will, because you believe it is not yours. This belief is your whole sickness and your whole fear. Every symptom of sickness and fear arises here, because this is the belief that makes you want not to know. Believing this you hide in darkness, denying that the light is in you.
You are asked to trust the Holy Spirit only because He speaks for you. He is the Voice for God, but never forget that God did not will to be alone. He shares His Will with you; He does not thrust it upon you. Always remember that what He gives He keeps, so that nothing He gives can contradict Him. You who share His Life must share it to know it, for sharing is knowing. Blessed are you who learn that to hear the Will of your Father is to know your own. For it is your will to be like Him, Whose Will it is that it be so. God’s Will is that His Son be one, and united with Him in His Oneness. That is why healing is the beginning of the recognition that your will is His.”
I felt the need to let you know I am all right with what is. I will probably put this little journey in story form.
God bless us every One
lawrence
Dear Lawrence, heck, gee, that’s an awful lot to work through all at once. Let’s hope the tests turn out negative. I wonder what we can do to help. Of course, you are both in our prayers, and we shall be thinking of you working peacefully toward holding the auction to raise some money for the move, etc. This is one of those times when it’s a blessing to remember that we have another Life that is safeguarded for us, holy and quite whole, no matter what transpires in this world. There is a beauty and kindness still there, despite these unfortunate scenes. All our blessings and our love to both you and Sharon, your Mayor.
Dearest family, so wonderful to be in touch with your lives again. Struggles, peace, joy, sickness – and maybe all can be held in the heart.
My best friend has had leukemia for 30 years.It is definitely a sort of illness one can survive. I hope you, dearest Lawrence, will find peace with it and have lots of mercy with yourself and that predicament. I think sometimes the Course can seem very harsh – or at least be used in a harsh way – yes, i am talking for myself 🙂 -whenever I ail from something, i start accusing myself for chosing ego, and there i go again. I am then comforted to remember how many Masters and saints who dies from illnesses, including cancer – Ramana Maharshi comes to mind – for me, it is comforting to know that in their teaching,this was not a fault, but an acceptance.
I hope it is something less dramatic, brother. And anyhow, I see you as Spirit, healed and whole and innocent, all is forgiven and released, and all else are stories.
At Myron Jones’ group, it is these days ( and I think always) very clear that we seem to go through exactly the same tribulations. I posted a great lesson for me at my blog – ninotchka44 – and then read a very similar report from Deborah in that group.
I am so relieved that you tell us, Lawrence. I want to hear all reports, if you want to share. I so love to hear how you deal with your troubles, or what looks like that.
And I love the metaphor of moving to somewhere new. I am absolutely positive it will be a great change.
I have been tried lately in not buying threats from ego. More on that on the blog today. And then H.S./Self plays up such a symphony of sillinesses and synchronicities to help me notice that I am dreaming, and that the dream is VERY funny. Particularly when I notice it. I really enjoyed the part today when my brother in another country (my real brother) Skyped me and told me he had got a message on his cell phone that i had tried to call him. Not. And still, the message was there 🙂 -so I told him the story about how I had released a major block today, and it felt great for both.
And now i am sharing it with my brothers here too
Jacalyn, Thanks so much for reading a bit from by book at Authonomy.
Michele, I loved that you found a way to share about projection. And to read about your life, which always shines so bright. Zumbaa. Sounds great! Maybe some photos in the Galleries?
a – and one time you’ll come to Norway, right?
sigh. Or at least in a dream…we managed to share a dream once, we might do it again –
Winnie – how are you these days – please, some words
Annie, Pam – miss you a lot.
Zafu? still peaceful?
Katrina – Laura – so very long since you shared. I miss you. I am very tired now, it is late, and please forgive me for forgetting names.
And last Bernard. Big hug, brother, and thanks for this place and for all you are for us.
warmest thoughts
Nina
BIG HUGS for everyone. The world has been crazy in my area also. A 30 years long friend went in for surgery today for an aortic aneurysm and he made it through ok so far(just got out of surgery about an hour ago)but the strangness started a week ago ,Thursday the 12th, when his house burnt to the ground so I have been helping him deal with the insurance company and the adjusters and the MESS.
So glad I have the Course and HS to guide me. I stayed in the calm center most of the time while the “storm” swirled around me.
blessings to all
How lucky he is to have a good friend. How lucky we are to know that these are illusions. At least, that seems to take a bit off the worst disaster-feelings.
Big hugs, Pam
Nina
Nina, how easily you move from words of the heart with their healing vibrations. I wish I had the words for you to give you peace, but know like illusions, peace is there but for our acceptance of it. I will stop by your blog from time to time and I would like to read your book. Let me know how to go about doing that.
Pam, “So glad I have the Course and HS to guide me. I stayed in the calm center most of the time while the “storm” swirled around me.” Your friend is lucky to have you near. I relate so much to your quote above. Thank you for sharing.
Bernard, there is nothing you can do, nor I, except accept what is, as it comes and put it in proper perspective. Keep me in your prayers my brother and I will be fine, for in truth as you said “This is one of those times when it’s a blessing to remember that we have another Life that is safeguarded”. I confess the draw of that other life has beckoned to me for a long time. But the grave has no answers, the answers are here and now. The mind guided by the heart and given to HS is what will see me through. The “I” or the “Me” is slowly dying, figuratively speaking of course. (:
Dick, welcome my brother, I am sorry about your loss and hope the Course has given you some comfort in that regard. I am hoping to log a few more years with my true love. We have been together 33 years now, not to bad!
a: I see you are still setting records for traveling the world. I hope all is well with you and yours. I think of you often and it always brings a smile. I like smiling, it is such a natural high.
Jacalyn, thank you for the kind words. I like to use quotes from time to time as they so often reach the heart or mind directly.
I am supposed to be listing books to sell, so I better get to it. Nina mentioned a few of our dear friends that haven’t written in awhile. I would also like to say I would love to hear from you as well.
Bye for now, and God bless us every One!
lawrence
Dearest Lawrence: I first want to ask for your forbearance as I do not have the ability (as our dear Nina does) to put down into words my feelings and I fear always that I will not be able to be tender in my speech when it is most needed.
I read your story through the thoughtfulness of another who sent it on to those of us who may not have had the opportunity to read it at the Village. My immediate thought was, “Where is God that someone such as Lawrence should have to be weighed down by not just an illness but all that goes with leaving one home and finding another.” And then I sat back and realized that it was not God’s will but the way of this crazy dream which seems to ensure that there is always something coming around the bend which will affect our “lives” in some manner. So then my next thought was, “Well, what do I say that may lift his and his family’s load if only for a moment?” I pondered this for some time and then I realized that we are One and through that connection our thoughts, our love, our prayers affect not only those who are on the receiving end of them but all of us as the One. I can say that I pray that this thought will lift you as it lifted me in that moment.
So it is with great love, much warmth and many hugs that I send to you my thoughts, my prayers, my love as my very much beloved brother who walks with us all on our journey to remembering we are already Home—and who does it with such grace and graciousness. May this message bring you some healing through your journey.
Love and hugs, Donna.
PS: Lawrence, here in BC three months’ notice must be given before you are forced to move from your home. Is it possible that there may be something in place for you along those lines? D.
Dear Lawrence, I will happily welcome you to visit my blog and my book.
Blog:
google Ninotchka44
Book:
google: Read books online Leelah Saachi
After the big block removal yesterday I have felt very peaceful. And joy is right there, so much of the day. So much kindness for myself is available – and then for others too.
Yes.
And I invite everybody who visits my block to come in to the “Ligth a candle-room. There is a candle there for Lawrence now. I’d like to fill that room with candles for our brother. Not because it is needed – because it is beautiful, and brings him even closer ( so it feels for me, at last.)
Love to all
and Anne, I miss you too.
Bev –
Hedda –
let us hear from you
Donna, so good to hear from you. Just to tell you that I have never – in all these years we have hung out together – never felt that your words were anything else than kind and loving. Oh those silly lies the ego can come up with – that you don’t have that ability.
Warmest hug, dear sister
Nina
Dear dear Lawrence,this is the place where you have blessed us all so many thousands of times. And all those blessings are here, along with all our long accumulated tears in the sweet pool below the fountain. Sip in now, and we pour in gently on your forehead. All those blessings you gave are yours to receive. Our love is melted into them and flows into yours and Sharon’s love. Sounds like a recipe for miracles!
with love, katrina
… and then they lived happily ever after
let us begin with this assurance …
I do not write that lightly …
it is a prayerful promise
if we are not there yet, just keep heading that way
mom and I have been through an impossible journey
also one that involved the possibility of losing her home
she’s rented here for 30 years,
then suddenly the owners decided to sell it
while mom was very sick and weak and in bed and under hospice care, all these people would come by to look at ‘our home’
it was a nightmare having people coming through to buy our home when we wanted to stay and live here
after living here and renting forever, it does feel like our home
so in january, I got the divine idea to buy the condo and then make it for real our home
only thing is, she lives on social security and I have no income … and the land doesn’t come with the condo … it’s a hawaii land lease situation … and the bank wouldn’t loan … and and and … it goes on rather long all the impossibilities and problems
also, there were cash buyers threatening to move in and move us out every moment
meanwhile … I’ve been taking care of mom … graduated her off hospice … got her up and about and feeling more in the land of the living
got my son to be the buyer of the condo
we used the prayer “God has a plan and it will work”
even though we were not given a hint of the way or the blueprint or the agenda of how in the world this could ever work
so just now, this morning, today … the sellers have finally signed the escrow papers
looks like we do get to buy the condo and keep our home
we were told no so many times along the way
we were looking like we’d lose it all so many times
it was like living in a nightmare miniature golf course with a new obstacle at every turn
now it’s like we have put the last puzzle piece into place … and le voila … we have a beautiful puzzle showing a condo on the beach in hawaii where mom and I shall live happily ever after
we simply never gave up …
the trauma and drama and stress and insanity and tension and more and more have been intense
the actions of so many have been difficult and perhaps cruel
yet … the actions of so many more have been kind and helpful and supportive
lawrence … this I write you from day one of good news, that as of yesterday all I could feel was the walls closing in and nowhere to live or to turn
something will work out for you
you have the skill set and wisdom to keep you going
you have the love and support of the village and your friends to help
this has been the longest and strangest ordeal of my life
all the helpful words didn’t seem to help
all the suggestions didn’t seem applicable
all the advice and prayers seemed to not quite connect
yet … and yet … I still walked every day and prayed continuously and did all I could to function and be kind and try every door and asked every person I knew …
and we finally found a real bank and a loan and a path and a way
‘no’ just means, not that way … keep trying every way over and over and somewhere there is a yes
a big wonderful YES just for you and your situation and your path and your experience
one day I found this little rock on the beach that had this happy big smile on it … the most inspirational sign … that happy rock face kept promising me it would work out
and it has
keep the faith
you are loved
you will be guided and are being guided
am wishing you well on your journey
even though acim says ‘these changes are always helpful’ … it sure would be nice if they didn’t all hit at once
anyway
may all manner of things be wonderful
may it be so
may you know you are loved
very much!!
Zafu,Lawrence,everyone – I have the same experience – do not believe in the no’s and the outer appearance of disaster – believe that you just have hang in there –
just recently I had to connect with somebody and it took me 10 crazy phonecalls where everything possible went crazy and all i heard was “no, that is not possible” -and then, the tenth was just beauty –
I learn that i have been giving up all too soon before, because then i was justified in my hopelessness and was the perfect victim –
As Zafu, I know too, Lawrence, that you will have something better than you have now. It is waiting.
God bless us all
and He does
Nina
Nina,I get the results of bone marrow test tomorrow. That will pretty much tell me where I am with all of this. I feel worse for my kids and Sharon. When I was taken to the hospital and they came to get me. I remember Sharon slapping me lightly on both cheeks, saying over and over again don’t leave me. Our son Corey was massaging my shoulders and talking to me.
When the paramedics took me down from his fourth floor apartment, with two sets of cement steps before you even get to go in the apartment, yikes! I remember Sharon and Corey and his girlfriend Kerry looked so terribly sad. They told me later that they thought I died. Corey was going to do CPR but I was breathing lightly.
But, I believe Nina as you so eloquently wrote:” As Zafu, I know too, Lawrence, that you will have something better than you have now. It is waiting. God bless us all and He does!”
Zafu, All of our feet touch the ground and we feel our weight for we are heavy with sadness, as we miss our home and our God. But, always do we carry our Creator with us, and ever are we home. These aren’t just words, it is what HS whispers in our ears and what Jesus teaches us and what we know to be true. It is what drives us, in this world, it is change that is the teacher, until we see it all the same.
You Zafu are the light that seems to come with your words. It matters not if the news is good or bad, there is learning to be had, and obstetrical to overcome. And light at the end of the tunnel!
Donna D, How happy I am to hear from you. You words touched me deeply. “I pondered this for some time and then I realized that we are One and through that connection our thoughts, our love, our prayers affect not only those who are on the receiving end of them but all of us as the One. I can say that I pray that this thought will lift you as it lifted me in that moment.”
How could I help but be lifted by your words. I will be better able to handle what ever comes my way knowing I have connected friends in high places(:
I am working on sorting thing for the auction to raise moving money. O Yea, The owner hasn’t officially given us a eviction notice. I gather from my research that I have 30 days and a hearing before a judge. I can then challenge the verdict and add another 30 days. Depending on my health this should be good.
Well I got to run, Sharon has finished cutting the grass, something we used to share. Not feeling sorry for myself, just saying is all!
Love you all
God bless us every One
lawrence
Dear Villagers, I didn’t get the results of the bone marrow test today. I will be seeing a, according to the specialist I saw, another specialist. He called this man his spiritual godfather. He said he didn’t want to chance my not be recommended to him, and this was a doctor from the Hillman Cancer Center, in Pittsburgh telling me this. Google it and you will see it is a first class joint.
So they didn’t give me the results again though, and I know from experience that this isn’t good news. But, I feel that it was meant to happen this way for a reason. Today our regular nurse that comes to our home was on vacation and a new one is substituting for her. She had a presence and a light that shown brightly. And her very presence was up lifting.
So I see the new guy on May 10th, two more weeks. I don’t know what lays ahead, but I feel that how it is unfolding is how it id meant too. So it is what it is what it is once again. As for me I will hurry up and wait!
I was reading one of those chicken soup for the soul short stories at breakfast and it was about a family that had a child with down syndrome. For two whole years the father took care of his daughter but as a chore not out of love. He began to hate that he did this, but was powerless to stop. And then one day when he thought he couldn’t take it any more, his two year old daughter looked at him and opened her arms wide to hug him. All the fear just melted away in the presence of Loves light.
I told this story to the nurse, and she has a down syndrome son who is now in his twenties. She said he is a blessing everyday to her, and so it seems it is contagious to love and be loved in return.
My friends I won’t make a habit of giving you blow by blow accounts of my journey. So please feel free to post funny, silly serious, mind blowing and informative posts of your own. I know it has gotten kind of quiet around here but I hear crickets for God sake!
Love you all
God bless us every One
lawrence
Just so it isn’t crows you’re hearing!!
Lawrence, please do post. It feels so good to be in touch. Don’t be afraid to be whiny if you feel it would help 🙂
And about crickets…there is a video on You Tube where crickets’ sounds are taken down in vibrations, and it sounds like a big choir. It was done by a known shamanic teacher, so it may be the real thing. Any way, I never hear a cricket without thinking that they are in fact adoring God,
here’s a link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujBTOPhGLMo&list=PL5A0254C8B4080347&feature=view_all
Katrina are you refering to the crow I shot with a BB Gun. The one that came back to haunt and taunt me?
A good story if I do say so myself(:
lawrence
Nina I feel like poop, and am going to take a nap to recharge. This is my version of being whiny, at least for the moment. I loved the crickets symphony; I could listen to it all day. Thanks for being you Nina, and by the way did you use a different name for your authoring of your book?
It has been a crazy and less than upbeat day so far, so a short nap should change my aura for the better. I told our children to take a shower when they were out of sorts to change their aura. I think they all still do.
Peace and Posters Luv
lawrence
Lawrence, I use Leelah Saachi as pen name.mmmmm does that mean you peeked inside the book?
I do the shower-thing too. Sometimes without water: just visualizing it. The aura always likes it, and feel refreshed.
I hope you had a sweet nap, and look newly washed.
natti natti dear family
Nina
“twas a great crow story, Lawrence ! (:
yes, my brother, still travelling, still thinking of you !
just landed in s’pore. Will run along now and clear immigration and customs.
shall i look into visiting you in pittsburgh ? we arrive in the US around the 15th of may.
Donna, I really love your reminder that we are all One. Lawrence, I’m sure you are feeling our One Love as Bob Marley sang about. Feel free to share any details about your journey, and to leave out any that you don’t care to share. We are so blessed by your wisdom and kindness.
Hey, everyone, check out Ninas blog- it is awesome. Insights to knock your socks off! This gal really lives what she has learned from the Course.
So happy for you, Zafu, that things are finally getting brighter- your walk in faith lights our way.
Mr. Mayor, do you still have that skype session planned for us when things settle down for you? No pressure, just wondering.
Dearest Lawrence ~
I’m holding you in the light of love, gratitude, prayers, and the truth of our Oneness expressed by everyone here for you, Sharon and your children. I wish I could add something to uplift you and make you smile. I googled the Hillman Center for Cancer and it’s a beyond world class resource. The wisdom, light. kindness and the way I’ve watched and felt you connect and join with everyone here and in your family, your world, all your stories, you have the greatest resources of all inside of you Papa Lawrence. The way you live and love and express yourself has always been a gift to me. Your life and your way offered a parallel world for me to witness and make my own, if that makes any sense.
Dear Zafu ~
“‘no’ just means, not that way … keep trying every way over and over and somewhere there is a yes”
Absolutely amazing and inspiring.
Katrina and all the inspired writers here, and those just coming to read and hold silent thoughts of love and support…Blessings to all!
God bless us all
Dear friends – I originally wrote this for my private blog, but seem impelled now to cut and paste it here ! (: — As Anne said it so beautifully in her last Village Square post (#733 on that page), I think of the Village every day, and it has been a great blessing in my life.
———–
Glad I started this blog
April 29, 2012
I thought about writing today. First, I thought, as always, that I should write at the Village. But even now, two years after the Village started, (and a gazillion years after the Monastery started and ended), I’m still not sure about writing for a “public” audience.
After all, it’s not like a book. A book someone buys, and then if they don’t like it, that’s fine. Or if they like it, that’s fine too. But a community blog is a *community* blog. There’s this sense of using shared space. And if I write something, the way I want to write it, there’s a high chance that someone, at least one person, will likely have some negative reaction to it.
Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned in this world so far – 43 years and counting, it’s that everyone cannot like the same thing. One entry will be loved by someone, hated by someone else, (although hate may be a strong word), I have had experiences in my life, where my most innocuous statements have created in the other, powerful feelings of anger and/or hate. And it’s foolish for me to think that this cannot happen at the Village – especially where I have never even met any of my neighbours, and where sharing is selective and infrequent, and quite often, anonymous (although we all know each others names, what do we really know about each other ?)
I started off today’s entry with the desire to be thankful for writing my blog – and look where I have ended up. Digressing completely in a completely tangential direction (: —– so let me finish my original intention !
I am grateful that in June 0f 2010 as my thoughts swirled about me, turbulently out of control, my life and everything seeming to have no meaning at all, my infant son, two months post-conception in his mothers womb, I finally decided to start writing – something that many people had been encouraging me to do for over a decade. So far I have 36 entries over a 22 month period, averaging about 1 entry a month, although several times I have not written for a few months in a row.
So, aaaannyway (: –
on this slow Sunday, I thought I would open my blog again, and I read my last entry – Mar 25, 2012, and it was a very useful thing to have written down, and in my opening preamble to myself (: – I had actually stated that I should write it down lest I forget.
And sure enough – if I had not re-read my own post, today, I’m sure I would not have remembered that wonderful “exchange”(?) I had with J (?)…[still can’t believe that I wrote that preceding sentence (: — did I really have a conversation with J ? It’s baffling, the mind, reality, everything is just too bizarre ! – how can I have a “conversation” with J ????]
Should I keep writing ? or not ? (: — an interesting thought comes to mind immediately as I ponder that question. And the answer comes that says “It doesn’t matter what you do”. It matters only “how” you think, implying that do I think with thought system a or thought system b.
Is this reality ? or is it a dream ?
(:
dear a, I am so happy that you shared. Your thoughts, I am sure, are shared – and still we risk writing here now and then. I have as you judged my posts more than not, but never had a critical word.
I have found that my blog is invaluable to me. I, as you, forget SO soon what I have experienced: but now I know that blog is mainly for me: somewhere to put it all.
Last year, I printed it out. And read. And read. And was reminded of so many beautiful moments and insights that I thought I had forgotten – but all they needed, was a little reminder.
The last days, followers/readers are subscribing to it. And i LOVE that I have a button where i can stop the people whose reaction is not helpful – like “spiritual teachers” telling me how to feel. (Shiver.) They also are forgivenessopportunities 🙂 ( I NEVER preach myself – but I might feel a strong impulse to :::giggles:::)
So, just to tell you how happy i was to read one of your long posts here again, and hoping you might repeat it.
What I experience when I read you, just might be what the others feel too:
A feeling of being united on a soul-level: “yes, this is how it feels. I don’t want anybody to critique what I write from an open heart either, or maybe even try to fix me. I want to be free!”
I feel close yo you, intimate. Safe, when you expose yourself in a text like that. It feels safe for me to do the same.
I don’t know if this is a wordpress or google-blog, or just you private diary in a folder on your PC. IF you post it somewhere, I would be so happy to read- if you’d feel safe, that is.
Going out in the warm spring ( it came yesterday!) to paint my veranda and listen to my old old walkman/casetteplayer with great music i have taped from radio for years.
Love you all so much
there is fresh cider and cucumber sandwiches in the Tavern – and for Lawrence, an extra hug
Nina
Dear Friends, it’s been good to hear from you all and it’s been comforting to “hear” Lawrence calm voice despite the serious illness. Thank you Lawrence ! I hope and pray that I will be ready and at peace when that day comes for me .
Big hug to you All
Love, Hedda
It’s so comforting to see how we’re all coming through the dark clouds of the tiny mad idea we came up with. And the Son of God forgot to laugh.
Well my friends, my brothers and sisters, let’s have a lot of laughs today, knowing that in the blink of an eye, we’ll be back to the wonderful home we never left with all our loved ones again. Embracing them, hugging them, kissing them, flying with them and God knows what it’s like. As J says, something like “a thousand times more beautiful and happier than the best day we’ve ever had here in the dream”.
I wonder if we have good pizza, Heinekens beer and sex in heaven.lol
Can’t wait to unplug from this very silly, mostly painful dream that always ends in death of the body. Always.
“I rest in God today, and let him work in me and through me, while I rest in Him in quiet and in perfect certainty”.
I love you all, we are one.
Bernard, I think you left your outside tavern lights on, the sun has been up for several hours. You need one of those automatic shut-off things.
Well, we managed to put together a family contribution from the Village for Lawrence and Sharon, and here’s the exchange of emails:
Dear Lawrence,
Your Village family looked around in their wallets and purses and found these stray dollars lying around. It was clear to us all they would be put to better use helping you and Sharon make your upcoming move. Please accept this little contribution with all our love and thoughts. We’re all thinking of you, and wishing you all well on this next step on your journey, on this journey we share together. Much love, from your Village-Family, Bernard.
Here’s Lawrence’s response which I just received:
Bernard,
The kindness my village family has shown us is a beautiful gift that will be put to good use. It seems I do have Leukemia, but they are looking at more slides to see the severity of it. I have always been the exception not the rule in life. The type of cancer I had when the children were little was rare and the survivial rate not too good. But, here it is 24 years later and I will fight the good fight once again if I must. Sharon as ever is my faithful sidekick; add to that our chidren and Jesus and the Village People and, well, it sounds like a winning team to me.
I am humbled by this, my false pride kicked in at first and it shamed me. We like to think we can provide for ourselves and our loved ones but the truth be told we never act alone. The course, famiy and friends and my ever present friend and yours “J” will strengthen me for whatever outcome awaits. You can post this if you wish. I didn’t know if I should or not.
God bless us everyone!!
Lawrence
Dear Lawrence –
Thank you for giving Bernard the permission to share your email exchange with him. I was (and am) glad to have read its contents. It’s a new month in this illusory experience of time, and I am still stuck in counting the months and days.
So with this new month of May, may there be lightness of being and mind for you – that is what I will pray.
Is there a move date fixed yet ? Are you still seeing the new specialist on the 10th of May ? (Please feel free to ignore all these questions if sharing so much detail is difficult/inappropriate/whatever ! (:
love,
a
ps. Bernard – thanks for making this happen. You move fast ! (: – am sorry I was not able to contribute, but am grateful that you took the initiative to make it happen.
Nina – thanks for your encouraging post. The blog I write is on-line but it’s password protected and I am the only one writing and reading it. I will try and figure out a way to get you access to it as well (or send you some sample entries via snail mail (if you like ! (: —
a – anyway at all would be lovely!
Today I got a mail from Ruth-Anne- it is so long since we mailed, but now i sent you all my survey for ” best titles” on my book, which many of you have answered. Thanks! As for now, 4 are for nr 1 and 2 is for nr 2. Please let me know, you others, if you have time!
And here is Ruth-Anne’s mail:
Two years later we have put Adriana into a closed brain injury rehab place where she is finally getting the help she needs. The UnitedStates health system is so awful that since we didn’t have money or insurance she really did not get much in the way of help til I discovered a govt program that took her on. She has been there two weeks today and I have spent a couple of days each week with her there. She has her own little apartment and is in therapies from 9am til 3:30 and then goes up to her dormitory style housing unit that is quite new and very pretty. The common room has cathedral style windows and lots of light. She has a mild brain injury that has affected her cognitively and emotionally.It sure doesn’t feel mild to her but she sees others much worse off now and helps them and that is also helping her. You know how sweet she is, the counsellors love her too. She can read only 30 to 40 words and retain the memory of what she read. They say she is in a post concussive state. She is very positive and is much better already knowing she is being helped.
I am still in love and having fun with my Welshman. We live on a small acreage and just got a puppy. (half border collie half great pyrenees)
Give my love to the Villagers. I miss them too. All my love, always
Ruth-Anne
Hi Nina – then, I will definitely send it to you snail-mail. I like the slowness of printing something out, putting in an envelope, sealing it shut, walking to the post-office, buying the stamp, and dropping it with finality in the mail box to fly to my dear friend in Norway… (:
ps. Thanks to you and Ruth-Anne for posting her letter. Apart from the joy of hearing from an old friend, and news on her life, it also was very helpful to me in revealing so many of my hidden thoughts, one in particular ! (:
love,
a
Nina – I thought I’d post this for you before heading to bed -G’night ! (:
(Tex.. to us) – have a great vacation !
love,
a
———–
Lesson 124
May 3, 2012
Today I cried while reading Lesson 124 – Let me remember that I am one with God.
I have teared up often when particular phrases or passages catch me while reading this particular one of my three favorite books of all time – (ACIM, DU, YIR) – although If I am to digress, and why not – this is my blog after all (: — I can’t remember tearing up in DU, but I do in the end of YIR.
Aanyway….. (:
tearing up is one thing, breaking down in sobs that heave the shoulders, blur the eyes, and generally make reading difficult in such circumstances, such kind of sobbing I can’t remember, at least not in recent memory. It was an eventful morning (almost afternoon I guess by the time I got out of bed, into the bathroom — the room where my first read usually begins)
Jesus said that this was the first workbook lesson where he asks me to take 30 minutes to devote myself to the idea for the day, with no further instructions, no further guidance, just that. It sank into my mind quite deep. And I wondered when I would be able to do it. (It’s past midnight of the same day – I’m getting ready to go to bed, and it’s still not happened yet (: — but I’m getting to be a better and better Course student. I feel no guilt over *not* doing the lesson. Am I just masking my resistance, or better(worse?) just rejoicing at a clever ego trick !! (: ???/
Who cares ? really, this writing just keeps going on and on. And as one of my favorite writers in recent memory, Sean Reagan says, life gets more and more ordinary the more the Course seeps into his life – I can identify with that, I can even see it happening in my life. Eventually, there will be no Course anymore (perhaps) in my life – just a steady peace, chopping wood, carrying water, living in the world serenely and kindly.
And everything else will take care of itself.
I think your on to something a. “Eventually, there will be no Course anymore (perhaps) in my life – just a steady peace, chopping wood, carrying water, living in the world serenely and kindly.”
It is my wish that this be so and I expect that it will be for myself. I think all true teaching is meant for the One that we are. I think I will beat this most recent attack on self. But if this is not to be I will pick up where I left of on the flip side.
a, I am seeing the specialist I need to see on May 10th. I am seeing Dr. Anastasios Raptis at The Hillman Cancer Center and I hope to be getting a little more specific information. (I love his name) a, you read in the bathroom, so do I. You crack me up!
Nina, how cool that Ruth-Anne is doing well and is in Love. Good for you girl!
Hedda, you will be fine when your time comes, for you are never alone.
Michele you always make sense, and I thank you for your kind words and am humbled by you kindness.
I have been working in the garage today sorting things we want to save and picking things to sell at the auction. This should get us enough money for a security deposit and first months rent. The whole house is turned upside down but we are determined to down size big time.
The low level light that gauges my energy just went on. So I will try to keep the bed from floating to the ceiling.
“I wish lightness of being and mind for you” This was a’s wish for me. And my wish for you all. How beautiful is that? Keep me in your prayers and I will and do the same.
love
lawrence
You are i n my prayers, Lawrence – or, should I say, you all are permanently present in my mind as Light for me. I just need to allow myself to see it – and you’re all very healthy there too 🙂
Michele has helped me to simplify my title for my book. She told me ” less is more” – so this is how the title is now. Bravo and thanks again, Michele!
*
When Fear Comes Home to Love
The healing gifts of art, play and forgiveness
By Leelah Saachi
Your home has called to you since time began, nor have you ever failed entirely to hear. You heard, but knew not how to look, nor where. And now you know. In you the knowledge lies, ready to be unveiled and freed from all the terror that kept it hidden. There is no fear in love
A Course in Miracles
* And i found such a lovely note in one of my quote-books today. i think it may be from the Course. I am experiencing quite some unrest with some persons lately – and this feels so helpful and releasing:
*
I give you to the Holy Spirit as part of myself.
I know that you will be released, unless I want to use you to imprison myself.
In the name of my freedom I choose your release, because I recognize that we will be released together.
Lawrence and family run a sideline ‘labor of love’ activity, safety stickers for children. I found this great photo on their website. It brings his little family to life. You can find them here: http://www.ouchystickers.com/aboutus.html
Great, great blog, Mr a.
Nina, that IS IT! That IS the title for you book, it feels so right. I’ll be asking you all about possible other titles for Paulo and the Magician some day soon. I was never convinced that was the right title, and will be doing a re-editing later this year.
Loves to Dick, Hedda, Ruth-Anne and Michele, B.
“The doctor said Larry does NOT have Leukemia although everything pointed to it. However, one test still remains outstanding, something called “Fish”. It should be back before we see the doctor again. This is driving us crazy but at least we are happy Leukemia is ruled out…MDS is the other worry (pre-leukemia) but we will keep our hopes up!
So at least some of the worry is gone. Larry still feels no better, though, so we hope the further testing will help solve his troubles … no energy and very low blood counts. We hope they pick up when the heavy-duty IV drugs he is on are done. We will certainly keep you posted. First hurdle accomplished!”
Sharon wrote the above to our family, and I cheated and cut and pasted it. The MDS stands for Myelodysplastic Syndromes and as an old dear friend of mine used to say, “It’s no day at the beach”. But there still is another wrinkle, the reason for my low counts etc. may just be the first antibiotics I was on and the fact that I have thrombocytopenia, a low platelet count. So now I am going to be seeing the doctor I saw before the last gent. We have been keeping busy organizing things for the auction that will be June 2nd.
So, I am happy with things thus far, and plan on taking things as they come. Not one of my better notes guy’s, but I appreciate and send my love to each and every one of you. If I do end up with cancer again, I will plan on beating it again, and if I am wrong, well I figure I will be waking up one way or the other.
God bless us every one
lawrence
Lawrence bro –
Thanks for the “cut-n-paste” (gives us a flavor of your better half (: — and also for the rest of the writing. Very happy to hear some things are being ruled out, and am thinking of you with all that is best for you.
Is the June 2nd an on-line auction ? or at the physical residence you are organizing to move out of ?
Spirit we are, so we are told, and spirited you always are, dear friend – that’s the you that comes through in all your writings !
love n hugs,
a
Waking up one way or another 🙂 yes, Lawrence. I am so happy that sickness is only possible in the dream we are dreaming.
*
I have been in deep morasses for past 2 months, when it comes to being creative and having fun with it. I painted a good illustration to a new crazywise story some time ago, and the ego took it and tried to write the story. It was so bad that i started to hate the story.
Today I changed my mind about it. First I danced all the figures. Then I sat myself down, and heard the 2 first sentences ( which the ego instantly judged): “Aunt Alice Aunt Alice, tell us a story!” “Once upon time there was a dervish.”
Oh the right mind reminds me to go for the unexpected, to accept the impossible and ludicrous. Trusting that the story knows where it wants to go is so healing: i don’t have to “make a good story” thank God. Thank God for dervishes and chocolate spread and propellers. If you want to share my joy and story, please visit my blog again: the ninotchka44-thing
The image is there:-)
Love to all
Nina
happy mother’s day
to all the villagers who are moms or who have moms or who have ever had a mom … this is a day of gratitude and appreciation
some one cared for us and took care of us
some one did things for us when they were too tired to care for themselves
some one fed us and clothed us and encouraged us
even now that I am the one caring for my mom, she’s still mom
am so happy and thankful she’s doing well and can share another mother’s day
maybe mother’s day is not a universal holiday … but here in hawaii it’s especially big because there’s soooo much aloha spirit and love for family
my heart is open as blessings flow through offering grace and blessings to all
am thankful to hear lawrence is getting good news and taking each step along the way working things out
this help thing came to me
what is it to offer help??
help is a:
Healing
Encouraging
Loving
Presence
love to all
may all manner of things be wonderful
may it be so