Village Square II
In our AcimVillage, we have the plane tree that stands in the central village square. Its enormous branches spread out to cover an area wide enough to provide shade on a warm day for many a traveller or tradesman. Water bubbles and trickles from a stone fountain on the eastern side. It is under the plane tree and by the fountain that wandering sages have traditionally lead conversation with the local people, before setting off again on their way; it is here that the townspeople come to exchange views and thoughts on their beloved spiritual philosophy, learning from each other in kindness and wisdom.
Rules to ponder…
Study of A Course In Miracles benefits greatly from sharing our experiences in its practice. Here you can talk about what works, or doesn’t, for you, taking obvious care not to be ‘preachy’, please. We all learn best when someone talks from their own experience, rather than tries to tell us what we should be doing differently. Let’s take the position that none of us are teachers, we are all at the same point returning on the path Homeward. All of us will still be making mistakes for a while yet, so let’s be particularly humble and caring in how we deal with each other. Please keep in mind that this is a site dedicated to the approach Kenneth Wapnick takes to teaching ACIM. I shall certainly do my best to bring everyone back to the core principles as taught by him.
I would also like to point out that AcimVillage is the place to come to explore our judgments, but not to express them as judgments. If you feel you need to gripe, criticize and vent, even subtly, then contact me privately (at bernard@pauloandthemagician.com) where I will receive you with kindness and understanding. Please do not do so in the forums where I will inevitably moderate out this kind of post. Remember, you will feel better only when you are able to move past the investment in your judgments, not simply by unloading them for everyone to see. This means taking responsibility for your perceptions and acknowledging that ultimately no one has prevented you from feeling completely peaceful and safe, despite what might appear to be the unfortunate conditions of your life at this time. (I know, this is hard. Contact me if you’re struggling.)
So, two basic rules here. One, we avoid mention of other approaches to the study of ACIM (non-Wapnickian) as well as to other philosophies we might be studying. This is purely to achieve a stable, comfortable learning forum where we are all aiming at the same goal, using the same symbols and language to get there. This is not to cast any judgment on any other approaches or philosophies. ACIM is a sufficiently difficult path to undertake without bringing more confusion into our study than our minds already contain! If you have benefited from other paths and would like to share your thoughts, by all means do so. Just please do this in the privacy of your personal emails. It’s also my personal opinion (take it or leave it) that at some point a student of ACIM is much better off sticking with one set of symbols and one teacher, and working with these thoroughly, instead of getting too dispersed. Rule two, we try not to play ‘teacher’ with each other here, reminding ourselves to be humble and always equal with our brother.
Enjoy the discussion!
New Horizons
As of September, 2010, I’m proposing a direction for our study of the Course, which is to work together through Ken’s workshop The Meaning of Judgment. We’ll be using his transcript notes for this taken from the Foundation’s website (see link in the tool bar at the top of the page). Below you’ll find the notes for the section we’re currently working on. For previous sections, click on the ‘ACIM’ tab on the navigation bar, and then hover your mouse over the ‘Meaning of Judgment’ tab to choose the relevant section. I chose this particular workshop because it gets immediately into the real heart and practice of the Course while taking us through its basic principles at the same time. So, for those interested in finding out where the ‘rubber hits the road’, even though it might get a little confronting at times, then join us on this little adventure Homewards!
The Meaning of Judgment
Excerpts from the Workshop held at the
Academy & Retreat Center of the Foundation for A Course in Miracles
PART III
“THE FORGIVING DREAM” (T-29.IX), cont.
(3:1) All figures in the dream are idols, made to save you from the dream.
1. Everything we perceive and believe is outside us is part of the dream. These are the idols, and their purpose is to make the outside dream real to protect us from the dream within our minds, which we do not want to look at. Course students compromise this over and over again by trying in whatever way they can to make some aspect of the external dream reality. That is why many students place such great emphasis on seeing Jesus or the Holy Spirit as doing things for them in the world. That is a subtle way of making Them part of the illusion, whereas in the Course Jesus asks us to take the illusion to the truth, not to bring the truth to the illusion. We have a strong investment in making the outside dream real, because if it is real outside, we do not have to look at the dream within our minds. What better way to make it seem real than to have God or Jesus or the Holy Spirit operate in it?
2. That is why it is a mistake to confuse A Course in Miracles with New Age thought systems. The Course in no way compromises the truth that the entire physical universe is an illusion. But we want to make the figures in the dream reality, including the Holy Spirit and Jesus so we are protected from the underlying dream inside our minds.
(3:2) Yet they [all of these idols] are part of what they have been made to save you from.
3. These idols were made to save us from the idol we made within our own minds (the ego thought system) that says, “I have stolen from God and I now exist. I have what I have stolen. I no longer have to give it back, and I exist on my own. And now God exists outside me.” The ego begins with that initial thought of judgment, which is the beginning of the dream. It then becomes a full-blown dream within our minds that we are different from God, that we have stolen from God and sinned against Him. And our guilt over this now tells us God will punish us. This is the terrifying dream within our own minds. It is so terrifying that we do not look at it, but project it so that it now seems to be outside us. And anything that roots us further in the dream outside will nicely serve the ego’s purpose, even if it goes under the name of God, which is what religions have done for centuries. It is extremely tempting for people to do the same thing with A Course in Miracles — to bring part of the truth into the illusion, making the illusion real. If you do that, you will never get out of the dream, because you will not know it is only a dream.
(3:3) Thus does an idol keep the dream alive and terrible, for who could wish for one unless he were in terror and despair?
4. The “you” Jesus is referring to in these passages is the mind, the part of the mind that chooses — what I refer to as the decision maker. It is the part of our minds that has first identified with the ego thought system. It is a thought system of terror and despair that tells us we need to protect ourselves from the terror and despair by denying it, which means we would never look at it again. And then we project it and see it outside ourselves. That is why we need a world of specific people and specific objects. We project all of these thoughts of sin, guilt, and judgment so they are no longer seen within, but outside. As long as we believe in the reality of the idol, we will never know that the idol really rests within our own minds.
(3:4) And this the idol [anything in the world outside of us] represents, and so its worship is the worship of despair and terror, and the dream from which they come.
5. This is true for the idols of specialness we think are wonderful and make us happy as well as the idols of specialness we hate. Earlier in the text, in “The Obstacles To Peace” (T-19.IV), Jesus speaks about this in another form: “While you believe that it [the body] can give you pleasure, you will also believe that it can bring you pain” (T-19.IV-A.17:11). Pleasure and pain are opposite sides of the same illusion. Both of them make the body real because both say there is something outside us that can make us either happy or unhappy and bring us pain. The truth is that the only thing that can bring us happiness is choosing the Love of the Holy Spirit. The only thing that can bring us pain is choosing the ego. That is all. There is nothing else.
6. The lines here represent the same idea. That is why we become so invested in the world. It is easy to fall into this trap, even as a student of a course that teaches that there is no world, for we still believe that external behaviors somehow mean something. They mean nothing in and of themselves. Their meaning lies only in what meaning we give them. What is important is never anything external — not what bodies do or do not do — but our internal decision to choose either the ego and separation, or Jesus and joining. Once we focus our attention outside and believe what we do is important, helpful, healing, or loving, we are getting caught in specialness, worshipping the idol of specialness. We will think that we are serving a function of healing or love, but it really is an idol of despair and terror.
7. In worshipping the idols of specialness outside, we are worshipping not only terror, despair, and guilt, but the whole dream, of which terror, despair, and guilt are only components. We are worshipping the dream that we have what we have stolen from God and will never give it back, for now we exist as individuals on our own. We love terror, despair, and guilt, or we would not feel them all the time. We love them because they make real the thought of separation — the thought of the original judgment against God — which makes real our separate existence from God. That is why we have such a tremendous investment in our self-importance, in being a unique individual — it establishes that the dream is real. The state of terror or despair in our minds says the dream is real; the guilt and the sin are both real.
(3:5) Judgment is an injustice to God’s Son, and it is justice that who judges him will not escape the penalty he laid upon himself within the dream he made.
8. It is important to realize that the entire thought system of the ego is real within itself. It is not reality, but within the dream itself it is all very real. When we sleep at night and dream, we will experience the dream as very real. This entire world is a dream. As Jesus explains elsewhere (e.g., T-18.II.7-14), there is no difference between what we call our sleeping dreams and what he refers to as our waking dreams, such as we are experiencing right now. They are all the same — just different expressions of the thoughts within our minds. Within the ego dream, the fear of punishment is very real. Within that dream, our fear of experiencing harm — physical or emotional — is very real. We are not asked, as students of A Course in Miracles, to deny what our experiences are. We are asked, however, not to make these experiences reality. There is a crucial difference between those two approaches.
9. In other words, we all experience fear, and we believe our fear is due to something external to us that can impinge upon us. The ego interprets this as the wrath of God visited upon us — that is our experience. We may not consciously experience it as God’s wrath, but we certainly do experience fear as caused by something external to us. Remember, our own bodies are just as external to our minds as everyone else’s body is. But that does not make it reality. That is where the Christian Churches were mistaken; they took their experience of fear and wrote a theology about it. They said this is the reality of God: God sees our sin as real and has a plan to help us atone for it, basically a plan of murder. The plan then becomes one of suffering and sacrifice. If we believe we are sacrificing so God won’t be angry at us, then we will feel good about sacrificing. But that does not make it reality. Our experience is that the sun rises and sets but that does not make it reality. In reality, it is the earth rotating on its own axis that makes it appear as if the sun moves around the earth. And in fact, it is the earth that moves around the sun. Similarly, people may experience the Holy Spirit or Jesus doing things for them in the world, but that does not mean that they really are. Don’t confuse your experience with reality. The ego always interprets our experiences in order to construct a theology that serves its purposes, which of course is why we have the experience in the first place. Within our dream, whenever we make a judgment we are asserting that we are different from God; we have separated from Him, sinned against Him, and have stolen from Him. Our guilt over that will then demand that we not escape the penalty of God’s anger. This whole world, which is a world of change and death, then stands as the witness to the fact that what the ego has taught us is true. If our existence, which we call life, was ultimately stolen from God, then when God steals back the life we stole from Him we will be without life, which means we will be dead. That is the ego’s interpretation of our death.
(3:6) God knows of justice, not of penalty.
10. God’s justice of course has nothing to do with justice as we think of it. God’s justice states that nothing happened. If nothing happened, there is no guilt and no punishment. (3:7) But in the dream of judgment you attack and are condemned; and wish to be the slave of idols, which are interposed between your judgment and the penalty it brings. But we are not condemned by God. We are condemned by the projection of our own guilt, which makes up a God Who is angry. We then deny the whole dynamic and make up a world in which we are continually condemning and judging others, while believing they condemned and judged us first. But our judgment is within our minds; that is our guilt. We project it out and make up a world of idols that will punish us; and we actually think there is a world out there that affects us. This is all part of the dream, which seems very real from within the dream.
Tex, it looked like we were tripping on our shoelaces, but that was just us doing our morning bows. We have kind of a reggae lurch in it, cause we start to do it, then jerk up, and yet unconsciously try to finish it. Like Joe Cocker, needing a little help from our friends.
Oops, I think that last comment belonged in the Tavern… Please transplant as needed, Bernard!
See – I thought it was like in first grade, when someone ties your shoe laces together.
Or when we were all at our picnic, in Temecula, and my shoelaces got caught all up in each other.. Does anyone remember that? Or was it just me? And no – I haven’t been at the tavern, so it can’t be that!
Joe Cocker – he got a little help from The Beatles on that one, eh?
♫♬♪♫♬ ❤
I need a little help from my friends for sure. Tex, I know it is a dream, but it is affecting my state of mind in a way which was frequent 20 years ago, and which i slowly with help of God came out of. Now it is back, like it never was forgiven and released. I have used many hours this night to forgive and talk to God, and still feel like a piece of garbage.
I had a dream where i was in a big church, and in front of a sculpture there i felt the old familiar feeling of being possessed – that something evil came in and controlled me. I woke up with this “something” in my body and mind, feeling like under a spell.
I know I am NOT a body that can be possessed – I have forgiven that part of me who thinks this is valuable – I have with Jesus hand in mine said yes to experience it – and I thought I should NOT NOT post this here – but I don’t want to keep secrets.
I don’t need quotes and explanations this time. “It” has not left – at least it feels like that – and feel I can’t get out of hell, even though I am holding His hand.
Please give me your blessings – and if anyone has had the same experiences and has come through them, i would love to hear about it.
than ks for reading
Nina
I just found myself writing this to a friend in an email and thought it would be useful here, too. As usual, it’s about the way in which I think my state of mind is dependent on future outcomes (work and money):
“And yet I see that the more I’m attached to seeing a future better than the present, the more I’m avoiding seeing the extraordinary present that is being offered to me right here. It is so easy for me to still think that happiness lies in some future condition for the body, and not in a present condition for the mind. My life lived through my body, or my life lived through my mind – two such tremendously different approaches to experiencing life. Only one holds out a real promise of great freedom and happiness. The other, I’m afraid, is riddled with doubt and insecurity. And yet I see the difficulty I have to letting go the promise that the future might be better than now – always as if there is a problem with NOW. And why, oh, why, would I keep thinking that…?
Going to go back and read all your great posts now…
Dearest Nina –
I have no explanations or quotes to offer you. I have also never been through a situation such as the one you are describing in 305. I have however experienced how stressful it can be – “when nothing seems to work”.
And so I feel how difficult it must be to shake that “feeling”.
Blessings to you, dear friend, I will pray that the feelings ebb in time, at the earliest possible moment, as eventually they must, even if the present day seems hard.
Love,
a
Blessings, Nina – and lots of love and waiting.
You’ve got a whole Village of people right by your side.
Maybe there’s some comfort in knowing that you’re not alone!
And that people really do care!
No quotes – just cyber hugs….
And maybe some nice, relaxing music in the meanwhile.
A Mozart Piano Concerto – or some Vivaldi, perhaps?
Something soothing, and not too heavy.
Dearest Nina~
Don’t believe “it.” “It” is a lie – it is the belief in the ego thought system – that *we all choose when *we have become too terrified of the memory of love, not of this world in our right mind.
Trust – that the love in your right mind – which is still there – whether you feel it at the moment or not – will get you through this “dark night of the soul” which has come once again.
For me – this “dark night” – returns – and will continue to return – until there is nothing left to forgive in my mind, outside of time and space. The process of forgiveness – is just that. *We go back and forth – from peace – to the “dark night…” – until we’ve accepted the Atonement – the undoing in the belief in separation in out mind once and for all.
You are in the process of learning “Who” you are in reality – and that process can be painful – speaking for myself – because of the resistance to learning “I am not a body. I am free. I am still as God created me.”~lesson 199
Trust in the love – use your “mighty companions” of past experience of how you felt this way before, and came through it. You will again. On the level of form, do whatever will help you to feel better. The fear will abate eventually – a part of you knows that even now.
Hope this helps, dear Nina – it has helped *me to write it.
Love and Gratitude to all,
melody
Blessings for you Nina.re.305 As for the same experience maybe not in form but my cigarette addiction has came back when I thought it was gone for good. I have found it isn’t the smoking in and of itself that is the problem but all the stuff connected to it that it was covering up. If I just focus on the smoking part I get nowhere but when I “ask” the cigarette and the act of smoking it to show me what I need to know then I get in touch with other beliefs and thoughts that I then have HS help me forgive and as I do that the “need” to smoke is diminishing.
Nina –
Another thought has just come when I read Pam’s note. The co-incidence of “past” patterns re-emerging now after 20 years in your case, and Pam’s re-emergence of the smoking pattern just reminded me –
Nouk Sanchez has a nice conversation with Carrie Triffet and Elizabeth on Carrie’s web-site. It’s a long conversation, but in it, Nouk talks at some length about the re-emergence of her eating disorder after a few decades have passed.
Perhaps reading that may lead to some new thoughts/guidance appearing for you ? The link can be found on Carrie’s web-site. The blog is called “Ourjoining” and its the same blog platform as your blog – “wordpress” and of course the dot com at the end (:
Apologies if this is not useful, please to ignore in that case (:
love,
a
Such love here for our Nina and each other. Safe we are that much I know for sure.
Godspeed as we make our return Home and walk past these shawdows of death. Our arms are linked and our footing is secure. The unforgotten song is playing in the background. We can stop and rest here for awhile as we tune our ears to hear only that sweet melody.
This feels good-this feels right.
Grateful for you my faithful companions.
Thank you all for your love. A*, it was a good advice to read what Nouk said. I’ll quote some of it here:
“—This doesn’t mean that something is wrong, though. To the contrary – I think it can be a sign that we must be approaching the end of the ego, being a separate will to survive based on fear. The ego is so terrified of our busting its cover, that it can sometimes throw a pretty mean curve ball to make us succumb to fear and doubt again – especially if there’s been good progress in undoing the personal self. And if we fall for it, we’re temporarily siding with its image; that we are a body trapped by the body’s needs, instead of the truth that the Self is invulnerable. But it’s always the ego trying to pull us back into the body experience and away from the unbounded and eternal awareness that we are.”
carrie —“And so I’m filled with gratitude for this dark, sticky stuff that still remains. I bless it, knowing it can’t last…but as long as it’s here, it’ll function as a beautiful catalyst for surrendering and healing something deep. And that’s ultimately only going to result in more freedom for me. A true friend, is this dark icky crap!”
Nina:
when i feel that icky-scary-alien not-love-at-all- sensation coming into me, it feels like being a puppet being manipulated by an evil sorcerer. The body and mind feels completely alien – I can ask for help all I can, seemingly to no avail. And the receiving part of that dark energy that i think is me, is outraged that God doesn’t help when she asks for it – especially after reading numerous stories about others who experienced what i did, and asked for help, and immediately got it. The helplessness in that moment is excruciating. I don’t find any meaning in it at all. And the “me” who practices the Course knows how to forgive – and still the crazy energies in the bodymind is there, seemingly taking me over. Feeling MUCH more powerful than Love -and boy is that scary.
Without being able to come here and voice this and receiving your love, I would be far worse off. Thanks a million all.
I know that doing todays lesson (which i did yesterday) made it clear how much I desire truth. It much have scared the crap out of ego.
I just noticed this part in my ongoing manuscript:
“In the night, there are these old nightmares that darkness is out to get me. I need to fly! Run!! Safe nowhere, I will be found, and then I will be their slave forever and ever. These variations repeat themselves – and within the dream, I believe in it. I think I am the I who believe in it.
I wake up, and realize that this is NOT dangerous. It is not serious. It is a scary story I/the Son of God made up and believed in, something to put between me and what I believed God was: – horrible insane rage. I see that I believe in the spooks I have made up. – I pushed the Love of God away, I thought – but now, awake, I feel grateful and smile at it all. Feeling the remnants of this story in my body: it is nothing else but an activity in my nervous system. I call back to me the scared little children I have placed around in my dream, and tell them this: this is what we have wanted: we have wanted murderers and torturer and sadists and molesters and rapists an ghouls and demons, don’t forget the demons – and we want this, because it allows us to play the smarter than the demons, the wiser ones, the more powerful ones – there’s always that possibility with these players. And we have made a rule, that if we are stronger and smarter than these baddies – then we must be safe from God’s rage too – maybe we even can take God on. Deep down in our mind, hidden to ourselves, we even thought that this darkness was God.
I see all this, lying in the arms of Jesus. He is holding me so tenderly while the insane energy is raging in my body. But I am not a body: this is going on in my mind – and I allow the H.S to undo the consequences of my wrong minded decision for darkness to fight with, or be better than.
My vision allows me to see some of the incarnations I played in, seemingly so horrible – but there is innocence about it, like a child believing it can outsmart the villain. I see the spiritual glamor about this seemingly BIG karmic stuff, and how bravely “I” have been dealing with it, and how victimized I have been when the “demons” got me and invaded my soul.
Thank God it is nothing serious – it is only a dream. Thank God I am safe in the arms of Jesus. I am the dreamer and also the dream figures.
I am willing to let go of “my” importance of the lead role in this story. Too much pain. Being filled up now with tenderness, gratefulness, love. I have Love’s arms around me, and am myself being a loving parent to the terrified child within: staying in Truth, being there for the child, but never again believing in it.
It is just a story I told myself.
The strange and strong sensations of poison in my body are not a sign that I am evil. This is a way my mind has used the body to keep the story going.
This is a quote from Ken Wapnick’s “Love does not oppose”, disk 4:
”The decision maker has to have a villain that is perceived outside, because without that villain the only villain left is within our mind and that would be terrifying, so we all need someone ‘out there’ that we can blame. Part of that blame can be our own body because the body is perceived as outside of us, too… ‘I would be happy if only my body were different.’ ‘If only it didn’t hurt so much.’ ‘If only it had more of this or less of that.’ If only, if only, if only… It fulfills the same requirement. Whether it’s my body I project onto, or it’s your body, it doesn’t make any difference. But there has to be some body that is perceived outside, otherwise everything is recognized to be simply within our own mind.”
Do you understand why I feel exasperated? how could i forget this??
Dear Nina, hang in there, girl! It gets D A R K at times, that’s true. I wonder if any of us have ever escaped that feeling of being totally trapped within something crazy and dark. Perhaps it’s a necessary, or rather inevitable, part of the path toward light. In any case, when it’s there, all we can do is just get through it as best we can. In our saner moments we can try to see how a part of us actually moved towards, not away, from that experience, as if there were something we were getting out of it for a very perverse part of ourselves. That’s much trickier to see, not obvious at all.
When we’re in it, I think one of the best things we can do is seek the simple company of friends and family who are just friendly and detached. People who just go along with life ‘normally’, so that we can remember that a part of us can just move through life a little more easily and ‘normally’ as well. I think playing some upbeat, happy music, and doing favorite things, spending time in nature, all this helps once the mood gets so dark that philosophy no longer has a place. Even a favorite comedy program or film.
Something I try to do that personally is pretty useful is to watch the ‘me’ who is having a really hard time, having his really hard time. I don’t do anything with it/him. I just see that in my perception there is ‘someone’ having a really hard time with something that is not really that difficult. I mean, it’s not that difficult in the sense that there is no real physical danger going on, but just something going on in the mind. It’s the ‘ghosts’ that are not real that are upsetting, and the way we can see that is by stepping back out of ourselves a little and watch ‘Nina’ or ‘Bernard’ having a hard time battling with ghosts. The ‘Me’ that is looking, observing, outside the ‘me’ that is being looked upon is peaceful, tranquil, undisturbed by the battle going on.
Just some further ideas. Hope you’re feeling a little better now.
Nina…I’ve so been in the places you describe. Kindness and gentleness
are important in how a person treats him/herself.
When you described your experiences, it reminded me of something that happened to me yesterday morning. I felt really icky. I couldn’t put my
finger onto the reason why? See, that’s just it…a lot of times we want
to know the reason why…maybe there is one…but the important part to me was to feel better. How I was able to remember the exercise for feeling better…I don’t know. But I said…”Obviously, I’m not at peace. I must have chosen wrongly…because I’m not at peace. But I can
choose differently. I want to choose differently. I want the Holy Spirit to choose God for me so I can be at peace.”
I was at peace.
Sometimes, I think we need the “time out” of peace. Then when we have
regrouped, we can face the forgiveness lessons.
Just thought this might be something to help…that you don’t have to fight all the battles at once…or even any of them if you are feeling
not at peace.
Hugs!
Laura TS
to post314: that piece to my book was written last year.
Dear Laura – what hurts most is that I can say all these things and mean them, and there is no change at all.It’s like i have lost the connection to H.S – this “thing” inside me prevents me from connecting
Dearest all – I love you and so appreciate all your love and support yesterday. Today the Sun is up again – sharing my blog, in gratitude. Just that tiny step from identification with the story and ego, into the sunshine of Truth. Impossible to take yesterday – easy today.
W-pI.166.11. 2 The wish for death is answered, and the sight that looked upon it now has been replaced by vision which perceives that you are not what you pretend to be. 3 One walks with you Who gently answers all your fears with this one merciful reply, “It is not so.”
I have some days been under the spell of Hell. I have repeated an old script-lesson of believing in possession – believing in” the reality” of my perception, my nervous system and my ability to “see.” What I forgot was that I was only seeing ego’s world and its laws – and identifying with it.
I asked for help from within this agony, and could not hear His Voice or feel his hand at all. I was mesmerized by my story, so well-known in its landscapes, so convincingly real.
I cried out to my Village-friends, and was embraced by their love and support. I accepted that this is where I was at the moment, stuck in ego and story. I treated myself to good food and wine.
The night took me into itself – it was a new place, no darkness. I woke up peaceful,opened Lesson 166 and allowed its sweetness to melt my attachment to what I think I am. While I was practicing, I allowed stressful “you should-thoughts” to come up, and told myself “It is not so.”
In my mind, this song was playing all the time: “I know where I am going” with Harry Belafonte. I did not find it on You Tube, but here is Maureen Hegarty: they both have the sweetness and tenderness.
I know where I’m going – and I know Who’s going with me
Nina, I declare this the post of the month! Bravo, and all thanks to good food and wine! (So French, I love it!) Or rather, to a decision made just to accept that it’s okay to be wherever you are in the ego and story. I can’t think of a better definition of forgiveness, seeing clearly where you are, and making that okay. You made my day, that’s for sure. Ahh… Now to look at lesson 166.
Nina – so happy to hear this. I was going to write you and ask how you are today ? but you read my mind (:
Bernard – 166 is an outstanding lesson. Worked really well for me today (and continues to do so all through the evening – there is a tenderness about it that I never noticed before).
(btw, (:, I have a couple of stories around 166, (: but I’m going to take a leaf out of Kendall and Annie’s books and see if/when the time is right, then write it – else let it pass by in the mists of time (:
Toots,
a
Ahhhhhh the lilies of forgiveness – even more appreciated after a “dark night..”
Very grateful for each and every one of you….and I will be reading lesson 166 today also!
Looking forward to your stories a! 🙂
dearest a* – yes, isn’t lesson 166 sweet. Today I have heard J’s voice many times telling me “it is not so” when i am veering off in egothoughts and then i place a hand on my shoulder and feel it is His – sit a minute-slowly returning to Now.
please share – I love your stories – I bathe in them( i know you all know what I mean)
Yeaaaa! Nina. *does happy dance*(-:
Morning All.
Just finished #166 so sweet is right!
I usually don’t cut and paste on my first read but today I did. Here’s the line that got me.
There was a need He did not understand, to which He gave an Answer. That is all. And you who have this Answer given you have need no more of anything but This.
hmmm, now that the line stands alone – out of context its not as powerful…how funny is that?? I felt such a kindness at that point in my reading of the lesson. Here’s God’s Son (me/you) asking a silly question and we are not dismissed by Our Father for the silly question (tiny mad idea) but are given the only answer possible. That’s all that happened …There was/ is no judgement…there was/is no attack…there was/is nothing personal about it. I must have spent a second to truly ponder the possibility …didn’t hang out there just peeked my head in and I think I like what I saw (: I’m sure I’ll be back tomorrow to read the next lesson and that’s just the kind of behavior that has been upsetting my ego who’s been throwing all kinds of distractions my way and obviously your way too.
And just a little more background on how I mentally prepared for todays lesson I saw this video of a baby trashing a bar (this was a staged performance) It somehow cleared my mental field I don’t know how else to describe it. I didn’t enter the “sacred space” of
reading the daily lesson by lighting a candle or burning incense. No it was this video that some how prepared me… go figure! Which only proves one more time I have no idea what is the best thing for me and the fastest way home!
Gonna do a little happy dance too (:
p.s. Hugs to Leni in Las Vegas
A great big hug to you Annie – that line out of context is VERY powerful for me. As you with understanding said above, I have three “major distractions” going on right now – so in reading 166 this morning, *I got parts – and missed some. That line says it all – and is EXACTLY what I need today.
Definitely my Answer of “help-please *I don’t know anything..and at the moment am very confused….”
The reminder that beyond the stuff of distractions….is everything *I need….and as I told Nina in my post to her, which is a message for myself that I will re-read now, I’m not believing the lie!
Perfect Annie!
With Gratitude and Love
“Maybe “real happiness” is just the loving awareness that we are only dreaming. And the dream is not real!” -> Texcellent !
Nina…so helpful to hear how your journey is dark and then there is joy in the morning. It goes to show the wide spectrum of what we experience. If you think about it, it is a wonder that we can even cope
here…with such an up and down and all around ride. Glad for your smooth sailing.
Annie…think you so hit on an important way of being conducive to being open to letting ourselves be helped. We gotta recognize we don’t know what we’re doing and don’t know what would be the best thing for us. To get out of my god attitude, I say this to myself. Sorta humbling, but it sets a tone to begin looking at the issue at hand.
Hugs!
Laura TS
There must be something similar in the way some of our minds work – those lines “There was a need which He did not understand, to which he gave an Answer….” were the same two lines that resonated so with me.
(and Nina, Melody – those lines were/are the basis for one of the two stories related to 166 that emerged yesterday… but that’s a more detailed, Lawrence-styled story that I will have to tell some other time).
The other one is easier. I’ll write that in today. Have to run right now for dinner. Just wanted to put in a placeholder, so that I forced myself to write that L 166 story before it receded from memory completely (:
love ya all… see you again in a few hours.
a
So one story is…
that I was doing Lesson 165 during the day – June 14th, and I was really tired at night (for various reasons). And I wondered if keeping up this lesson a day a pace was too much – tiring me out, tiring my ego out, whatever…. (:
The thought had appeared before, but lately, I’ve been automatically pausing before making any decisions that seem to involve any kind of angst, major or minor, so that night of June 14th, i fell into a fairly well-habituated response in my mind… ‘Well, I don’t have to decide until tomorrow morning whether to stick with Lesson 165, and do it again, or move to the next Lesson 166’..
(Now, I’d like to say here that I’ve not been feeling much resistance to the lessons this time around (I forget how many times I’ve done the workbook – since the birth of my son (actually the day we knew the pregnancy test came back positive – May 10th, 2010 (:…), my memory banks have been kind of wiped clean… I retain sometimes, only a fuzzy memory of many things I had a sharper memory of prior to that event)…. anyhooo (:…
this time around, I’ve been really getting some of the Lessons at what seems like a deep level, with a very clear mind, and it’s been truly excellent – not every day, but certainly many days. The volatility in my daily life has increased 10-fold in the last year or so, (at least to my perception), but my peace seems to have increased even more so, (many of my work associates and friends are noticing that too), so I’m able to stay cool most days, and for major parts of the day, regardless of what happens)
So that night of June 15th, I dismissed that momentary angst, and said to myself – “let’s think about it tomorrow”. And the morning of June 15th, I didn’t get to Lesson 166 until quite late in the day.
And it was mind-blowing ! It spoke to my heart and mind combined in such a way that I can’t really put words to it – It resonated on so many levels, with so many sudden moments of tears (of happiness, of relief) and generally contributed to my well-being to such a large extent that day…
that i wondered – which was the Voice that was telling me “not to do the Lesson at a pace of one a day”. I mean, if I had listened to that voice (of the ego?) and repeated Lesson 165 again on June 15th, I’m reasonably sure that it would have not felt as healing to me as doing 166. (Of course, there’s no way to say that with any certainty – who knows maybe repeating 165 would have/could have been even better !! (: — but there’s only so much analysis one can do of this stuff (:
Anyhow, what I took away from that whole experience is that it seems like sometimes the Ego can dress up its advice and sound very sincere – “Yes, you’re going too fast, maybe you need to slow down, really understand 165 again, before you tackle 166”). But it may just be keeping me away from my many small, mini-moments of joy/healing as I walk along this path, that will in turn re-inforce my desire to continue in this path, instead of getting stuck in a rut.
I really felt that there’s no way to tell which Voice is the ego and which Voice is the Spirit, especially when looking backwards and analyzing something that happened in the past, or when looking and interpreting some else’s experience.
That voice of Presence, of Feeling, of Love is available to me every moment, but I can only delve into it in this moment, and whatever the guidance that seems clear in this moment, to the deepest and most complete level that I can be aware of, is perhaps the guidance to listen to ?
And the good news is that – regardless of which choice I make in that moment, it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme !!
All is well, and all has *always* been well, and all will *always* be well.
Parenthood changes us faster than anything else on this planet.
I’ll share with you one thing I noticed a* in the last six months, you have been inviting us into your thoughts and feeling more than ever. Which I have L* to thank for (:
The paradox of life slowing you down yet revving up your guidnance system – that blue book has been your best investment ever (:
Wishing you a lovely First Father’s Day this Sunday.
That voice of Presence, of Feeling, of Love is available to me every moment, but I can only delve into it in this moment, and whatever the guidance that seems clear in this moment, to the deepest and most complete level that I can be aware of, is perhaps the guidance to listen to ?
And the good news is that – regardless of which choice I make in that moment, it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme !!
All is well, and all has *always* been well, and all will *always* be well.
a*, yes – I can only delve into it THIS moment – instead of endlessly analyzing what seems to have been the “right thing to do” before. What a great reminder this is for me – to keep me here in the Now, whatever had happened “before” – particularly because before is illusion.
I am so glad you shared this.
so much love
Nina
wonderful to hear these deep ponders a*……. It reminds me of the post Laura made the other day about our need to remember that we dont know anything and Annie’s about our not knowing what is best for us and now yours reaffirming that we havent got a clue whose voice we are listening to… This is the guts of why this Course is so difficult… We have resigned as our teacher and now havent got a bloody clue about anything……
Actually this reminds me of something funny… I try to remember as often as possible that i dont know anything….. One day my son was cooking and casually said something about onions not affecting your tear ducts….to which i replied “dont they?”, thinking to myself that i thought they did, but then everything i thought was true is not yada yada……
He looked at me quizzically and said ” I was being sarcastic”
…………………………….
Moment – its such a lovely soft uncontainable word……Just recently i was pondering long on consciously choosing to forgive every walking step i took one happy peaceful day, knowing full well i cant be trusted to know the difference between the right-minded happiness of knowing i am not really here and the wrong-minded happiness of knowing right now i, winnie, have no worries of any kind and isnt it a beautiful day….
I was inspired by this passage “Each day, and every minute in each day, and every instant that each minute holds, you but relive the single instant when the time of terror took the place of love“.
To learn it by heart, i had to remember that it ping-pongs from “each” to “every” to “each” to “every” to “each”.
What i love about that, is that the form of the words mimics the process in our mind.
Even the very words chosen are perfect.
“Each” implies separation and individuality.
“Every” implies no exception.
Near the end of my walk it occurred to me that a wonderful analogy in this world for the idea that in Heaven there is nowhere where the father ends and the Son begins, is our understanding of moments as we know them. Any variety of moment defies boundaries..
big hugs to all xoxooxox
So that exercise felt very mind-blowing and then it occurred to me
L169
…….
: We say “God is”, and then we cease to speak.
For in that knowledge, words are meaningless.
There are no lips to speak them, and
no part of mind sufficiently distinct
to feel that it is now aware of something not itself.
It has united with its Source.
And like its Source Itself, it merely is :
Winnie – I loved your post number 333 !
(And Annie, I love the *number* 333 as well (: —
And question 791:Choosing at The Remembered Song site is also excellent today !
love,
a
ps. Sorry, Katrina – don’t mean to add to your reading to-do’s !! (: – hope Ken’s Journey has a manageable commentary size for today ! (:
winnie – 327
The d*mn dark days come to us all
just when we least expect it (fitting somehow)
…. I have my share of doubt like anyone –
Then, while I’m working, or driving – out of the “blue” I remember
lines from the Course – without seeming trying to recall them….
“This is a time for faith. You let this goal be set for you…”
“Let reason take another step….” Stop and think…
“Lead not your little life in solitude, with one illusion as your only friend…”
“To the ego’s dark glass you need but say, ‘I will not look there because I know these images are not true.’….”
I think maybe we (I) want happy lessons, in a lovely classroom,
learned effortlessly at a picnic of love, in a grassy clearing,
at the end of a quiet path in summer… an endless metaphorical Woodstock maybe?
La la la – singing and prancing and happy happy joy joy all the time!
I suppose if life were like that already – we wouldn’t need help in getting “there!”
Then when the turbulence starts we (I) think something has gone wrong.
But maybe we have to unlearn that part as well…. maybe by going through it!
But going through it with a Guide –
who remains calm and reminds us not to flinch or panic –
Cuz if it really is a illusion, then what would we react to (in content)?
And when we remember that God Is Love – what is there to fear?
And when we love and trust our Guide and learn to choose HS again
instead of trusting in the dream, and being dazzled by the frame – etc…
Then, we, as metaphorical children, are helped to translate our “ghost” into a curtain,
our “monster” into a shadow, and our “dragon” into a dream he is no longer
afraid, and laugh happily at our own fear!
The other day while driving and thinking about the dark abyss, (etc)
I stepped out of the truck,
And nearly stepped on a little blue dot – someone left a blue super ball –
right there in an empty parking lot – in broad day light!
And I thought of you -heehee!
Anne. That is true precision: parking at the blue dot. What did you choose?
Nice, really nice, message, Anne. “But going through it with a Guide –
who remains calm and reminds us not to flinch or panic –
Cuz if it really is a illusion, then what would we react to (in content)?
And when we remember that God Is Love – what is there to fear?
And when we love and trust our Guide and learn to choose HS again
instead of trusting in the dream, and being dazzled by the frame – etc…” Powerful words, powerful thoughts.
I’m not sure what it is with blue dots, but Zafu found one in a parking lot not long ago, and that’s the one that she put in a box for me which now sits on our coffee table.
Maybe there are blue dots everywhere that we’re not aware of…
oh yes more Texcellence !
Blue dots:I am now going to find mine too
Tex Anne, May I inquire as to the impetus to the decidedly much longer ponderings you have pondered as of late? I am thoroughly enjoying them and this is not to imply that anything was wrong with your previous brief ponders I like them too. Just curious.
Maybe there isn’t an answer, like I’m wondering why I put that in a rather weird, archaic sounding structure.
re:339 … what the mayor says is true (always true) … the blue dot I found and presented was found in an otherwise empty parking lot … no cars or trash … just this sparkly perfect blue dot … made me laugh immediately thinking of ken … so I kept it around (what else would one do with such a blue dot?) until its opportunity was revealed … perfect present to present to our beloved bernard (me thinks) … can’t wait to hear about who finds the next blue dot!!
340: thanks winnie … texmeculaence … something like that … winnie you and your pooh like ways and words and musings are the best … many thanks
341: thanks nina … may you find a fabulous blue dot (hint … for some unknown reason parking lots seem to be a target rich environment)
342: thanks pam … let’s all do all we can to keep texanne wanting to grace us with her presence and insights and humor … ponderings
my heart is happy, my thanks to each of you … this acim village has been a most appreciated place to come to and listen … am thankful …
I laughed too, when I found my blue dot, Zafu!
Or it found me!
Pam, I hope I’m not talking too much now –
It seems I have so much to say after everything recently changed for me….
And about the poetry – I love musicals –
They sing of enlightenment to me!
My current fave is Les Mis –
I Dreamed A Dream ….♫♬♪♫
One line stands out for me –
“And the tigers come at night. With their voices soft as thunder….”
Why do tigers come at night?
Why do tigers prowl the streets of Paris?
Because it is a dream.
“The miracle establishes you dream a dream, and that its content is not true.”
To quote: “Yet in the darkness, in the private world of sleep,
you see in dreams although your eyes are closed….”
I know beyond a “shadow of a doubt” that it is true!
Best. News. Ever! My heart is happy, too!
Can we imagine the great generosity of Zafu who in her selflessness parted with her blue dot so that another might gain from its power and wisdom? How many of us would do that? Maybe it is only in the giving away that one receives its power? Oh, the conundrums…
I’m a big fan of musicals – bring it on! Can anything beat Mary Poppins? ‘On the rooftops of London, cor, what a sight!’ And here is Dick van Dyke talking about the dirtiest, lowliest job – chimney sweep in Victorian England – as if it’s a gift from Heaven. Helped me continue years in the building trade, learning to see each dirty unpleasant job through different eyes.
re#344 Tex, No, not to much. I just noticed the “shift” and wanted to know more about it.
Re 344 – Anne, I would love to hear too – very much so – and I share your joy
I too love when you share your insights TexAnne and its good to hear your heart is happy!
me too ! I just love musicals. I have had two lines going in my head for the past months.
I hear them and often say them and they come in response to – oh i dont know, just about every single thing i think i think..
My Fair Lady – “Her head is full of cotton, hay and rags”
That’s Professor Doolittle singing about women in general, but sexism has no effect on me. I hear the line as reminding me that my self is nothing.
The Sound of Music – “but it doesnt mean anything”
That’s one of the children telling Maria that the Tonic sol-fa doesn’t make any sense. I particularly love that one, because the next thing that Maria says is ” so we put in words”, but my thoughts never run to that line, and i love that because i want it to end there. I dont want to put in words, “one word for every note”…… enough already…
But i am obviously not at the point where i can say – >
“words, words, words, I’m so sick of words…. i hear words all day through, first from him, then from you….. Is that all you blighters can do?” { i can just hear our Tex singing along with me]
btw That’s Eliza wanting a bit of action, but now i am getting carried away….
I love Les Mis sooOOooo much AND Mary Poppins but my current fave is The Phantom …….”the phantom of the opera is there….inside your mind”
Big hugs to you too darling zafu and everyone
For the last 5 nights I have been at this glorious spot in the country with nary another soul in sight. Each day I get to explore little country lanes and more often than not, not a single vehicle passes me. There are soft blue-grey hills all around and in the late afternoon, it is as if the last rays of sun softly brush them with a warm rosy gold.. Earlier this week, I saw a wedge-tailed eagle soaring high overhead. He is the second biggest eagle in the world and a majestic sight he is. I was hoping I would hear his soulful call, but he was silent.
As was I. I normally take my mp3 player with me on walks because the walk back is often less enjoyable and that’s when I treat myself to listening to Beethoven, but not these past few days.
Of late, my thoughts have dipped into the secret pit of abstract madness. Although I intellectually understand we are all insane, I have never experienced feelings of insanity, until this week. A combination of prolonged “time out” has led to deep reflection and for a course student, that reflection must invariably be the complete unnecessariness of oneself. Oh yes that’s precisely how I feel. My ego stands in the wings rubbing his hands together, hoping this will lead to the old feelings of despair and depression that must surely accompany such home-truths.
Alas he waits in vain. Uncomfortable as it may be, I will stay with this discomfort because I know that none of these thoughts are real so how I could not be comforted knowing that … {smiles}
And so I walk in silence, inviting in whatever spectres want to have their way with me, because I dont want to be afraid, if all i am afraid of is Love. . I return to my cosy campervan, and lay awake watching the stars winking at me. To sleep or not to sleep doesnt matter. What matters is laying all of my feelings at the altar and leaving them there.