Village Square I
In our AcimVillage, we have the plane tree that stands in the central village square. Its enormous branches spread out to cover an area wide enough to provide shade on a warm day for many a traveller or tradesman. Water bubbles and trickles from a stone fountain on the eastern side. It is under the plane tree and by the fountain that wandering monks and sages have traditionally lead conversation with the local people, before setting off again on their way; it is here that the townspeople come to exchange views and thoughts on their beloved spiritual philosophy, learning from each other in kindness and wisdom.
Rules to ponder…
Study of A Course In Miracles benefits greatly from sharing our experiences in its practice. Here you can talk about what works, or doesn’t, for you, taking obvious care not to be ‘preachy’, please. We all learn best when someone talks from their own experience, rather than tries to tell us what we should be doing differently. Let’s take the position that none of us are teachers, we are all at the same point returning on the path Homeward. All of us will still be making mistakes for a while yet, so let’s be particularly humble and caring in how we deal with each other. Please keep in mind that this is a site dedicated to the approach Kenneth Wapnick takes to teaching ACIM. I shall certainly do my best to bring everyone back to the core principles as taught by him.
I would also like to point out that AcimVillage is the place to come to explore our judgments, but not to express them as judgments. If you feel you need to gripe, criticize and vent, even subtly, then contact me privately (at bernard@pauloandthemagician.com) where I will receive you with kindness and understanding. Please do not do so in the forums where I will inevitably moderate out this kind of post. Remember, you will feel better only when you are able to move past the investment in your judgments, not simply by unloading them for everyone to see. This means taking responsibility for your perceptions and acknowledging that ultimately no one has prevented you from feeling completely peaceful and safe, despite what might appear to be the unfortunate conditions of your life at this time. (I know, this is hard. Contact me if you’re struggling.)
So, two basic rules here. One, we avoid mention of other approaches to the study of ACIM (non-Wapnickian) as well as to other philosophies we might be studying. This is purely to achieve a stable, comfortable learning forum where we are all aiming at the same goal, using the same symbols and language to get there. This is not to cast any judgment on any other approaches or philosophies. ACIM is a sufficiently difficult path to undertake without bringing more confusion into our study than our minds already contain! If you have benefited from other paths and would like to share your thoughts, by all means do so. Just please do this in the privacy of your personal emails. It’s also my personal opinion (take it or leave it) that at some point a student of ACIM is much better off sticking with one set of symbols and one teacher, and working with these thoroughly, instead of getting too dispersed. Rule two, we try not to play ‘teacher’ with each other here, reminding ourselves to be humble and always equal with our brother.
Enjoy the discussion!
New Horizons
As of September, 2010, I’m proposing a direction for our study of the Course, which is to work together through Ken’s workshop The Meaning of Judgment. We’ll be using his transcript notes for this taken from the Foundation’s website (see link in the tool bar at the top of the page). Below you’ll find the notes for the section we’re currently working on. For previous sections, click on the ‘ACIM’ tab on the navigation bar, and then hover your mouse over the ‘Meaning of Judgment’ tab to choose the relevant section. I chose this particular workshop because it gets immediately into the real heart and practice of the Course while taking us through its basic principles at the same time. So, for those interested in finding out where the ‘rubber hits the road’, even though it might get a little confronting at times, then join us on this little adventure Homewards!
The Meaning of Judgment
Excerpts from the Workshop held at the
Academy & Retreat Center of the Foundation for A Course in Miracles
PART III
“THE FORGIVING DREAM” (T-29.IX), cont.
(3:1) All figures in the dream are idols, made to save you from the dream.
1. Everything we perceive and believe is outside us is part of the dream. These are the idols, and their purpose is to make the outside dream real to protect us from the dream within our minds, which we do not want to look at. Course students compromise this over and over again by trying in whatever way they can to make some aspect of the external dream reality. That is why many students place such great emphasis on seeing Jesus or the Holy Spirit as doing things for them in the world. That is a subtle way of making Them part of the illusion, whereas in the Course Jesus asks us to take the illusion to the truth, not to bring the truth to the illusion. We have a strong investment in making the outside dream real, because if it is real outside, we do not have to look at the dream within our minds. What better way to make it seem real than to have God or Jesus or the Holy Spirit operate in it?
2. That is why it is a mistake to confuse A Course in Miracles with New Age thought systems. The Course in no way compromises the truth that the entire physical universe is an illusion. But we want to make the figures in the dream reality, including the Holy Spirit and Jesus so we are protected from the underlying dream inside our minds.
(3:2) Yet they [all of these idols] are part of what they have been made to save you from.
3. These idols were made to save us from the idol we made within our own minds (the ego thought system) that says, “I have stolen from God and I now exist. I have what I have stolen. I no longer have to give it back, and I exist on my own. And now God exists outside me.” The ego begins with that initial thought of judgment, which is the beginning of the dream. It then becomes a full-blown dream within our minds that we are different from God, that we have stolen from God and sinned against Him. And our guilt over this now tells us God will punish us. This is the terrifying dream within our own minds. It is so terrifying that we do not look at it, but project it so that it now seems to be outside us. And anything that roots us further in the dream outside will nicely serve the ego’s purpose, even if it goes under the name of God, which is what religions have done for centuries. It is extremely tempting for people to do the same thing with A Course in Miracles — to bring part of the truth into the illusion, making the illusion real. If you do that, you will never get out of the dream, because you will not know it is only a dream.
(3:3) Thus does an idol keep the dream alive and terrible, for who could wish for one unless he were in terror and despair?
4. The “you” Jesus is referring to in these passages is the mind, the part of the mind that chooses — what I refer to as the decision maker. It is the part of our minds that has first identified with the ego thought system. It is a thought system of terror and despair that tells us we need to protect ourselves from the terror and despair by denying it, which means we would never look at it again. And then we project it and see it outside ourselves. That is why we need a world of specific people and specific objects. We project all of these thoughts of sin, guilt, and judgment so they are no longer seen within, but outside. As long as we believe in the reality of the idol, we will never know that the idol really rests within our own minds.
(3:4) And this the idol [anything in the world outside of us] represents, and so its worship is the worship of despair and terror, and the dream from which they come.
5. This is true for the idols of specialness we think are wonderful and make us happy as well as the idols of specialness we hate. Earlier in the text, in “The Obstacles To Peace” (T-19.IV), Jesus speaks about this in another form: “While you believe that it [the body] can give you pleasure, you will also believe that it can bring you pain” (T-19.IV-A.17:11). Pleasure and pain are opposite sides of the same illusion. Both of them make the body real because both say there is something outside us that can make us either happy or unhappy and bring us pain. The truth is that the only thing that can bring us happiness is choosing the Love of the Holy Spirit. The only thing that can bring us pain is choosing the ego. That is all. There is nothing else.
6. The lines here represent the same idea. That is why we become so invested in the world. It is easy to fall into this trap, even as a student of a course that teaches that there is no world, for we still believe that external behaviors somehow mean something. They mean nothing in and of themselves. Their meaning lies only in what meaning we give them. What is important is never anything external — not what bodies do or do not do — but our internal decision to choose either the ego and separation, or Jesus and joining. Once we focus our attention outside and believe what we do is important, helpful, healing, or loving, we are getting caught in specialness, worshipping the idol of specialness. We will think that we are serving a function of healing or love, but it really is an idol of despair and terror.
7. In worshipping the idols of specialness outside, we are worshipping not only terror, despair, and guilt, but the whole dream, of which terror, despair, and guilt are only components. We are worshipping the dream that we have what we have stolen from God and will never give it back, for now we exist as individuals on our own. We love terror, despair, and guilt, or we would not feel them all the time. We love them because they make real the thought of separation — the thought of the original judgment against God — which makes real our separate existence from God. That is why we have such a tremendous investment in our self-importance, in being a unique individual — it establishes that the dream is real. The state of terror or despair in our minds says the dream is real; the guilt and the sin are both real.
(3:5) Judgment is an injustice to God’s Son, and it is justice that who judges him will not escape the penalty he laid upon himself within the dream he made.
8. It is important to realize that the entire thought system of the ego is real within itself. It is not reality, but within the dream itself it is all very real. When we sleep at night and dream, we will experience the dream as very real. This entire world is a dream. As Jesus explains elsewhere (e.g., T-18.II.7-14), there is no difference between what we call our sleeping dreams and what he refers to as our waking dreams, such as we are experiencing right now. They are all the same — just different expressions of the thoughts within our minds. Within the ego dream, the fear of punishment is very real. Within that dream, our fear of experiencing harm — physical or emotional — is very real. We are not asked, as students of A Course in Miracles, to deny what our experiences are. We are asked, however, not to make these experiences reality. There is a crucial difference between those two approaches.
9. In other words, we all experience fear, and we believe our fear is due to something external to us that can impinge upon us. The ego interprets this as the wrath of God visited upon us — that is our experience. We may not consciously experience it as God’s wrath, but we certainly do experience fear as caused by something external to us. Remember, our own bodies are just as external to our minds as everyone else’s body is. But that does not make it reality. That is where the Christian Churches were mistaken; they took their experience of fear and wrote a theology about it. They said this is the reality of God: God sees our sin as real and has a plan to help us atone for it, basically a plan of murder. The plan then becomes one of suffering and sacrifice. If we believe we are sacrificing so God won’t be angry at us, then we will feel good about sacrificing. But that does not make it reality. Our experience is that the sun rises and sets but that does not make it reality. In reality, it is the earth rotating on its own axis that makes it appear as if the sun moves around the earth. And in fact, it is the earth that moves around the sun. Similarly, people may experience the Holy Spirit or Jesus doing things for them in the world, but that does not mean that they really are. Don’t confuse your experience with reality. The ego always interprets our experiences in order to construct a theology that serves its purposes, which of course is why we have the experience in the first place. Within our dream, whenever we make a judgment we are asserting that we are different from God; we have separated from Him, sinned against Him, and have stolen from Him. Our guilt over that will then demand that we not escape the penalty of God’s anger. This whole world, which is a world of change and death, then stands as the witness to the fact that what the ego has taught us is true. If our existence, which we call life, was ultimately stolen from God, then when God steals back the life we stole from Him we will be without life, which means we will be dead. That is the ego’s interpretation of our death.
(3:6) God knows of justice, not of penalty.
10. God’s justice of course has nothing to do with justice as we think of it. God’s justice states that nothing happened. If nothing happened, there is no guilt and no punishment. (3:7) But in the dream of judgment you attack and are condemned; and wish to be the slave of idols, which are interposed between your judgment and the penalty it brings. But we are not condemned by God. We are condemned by the projection of our own guilt, which makes up a God Who is angry. We then deny the whole dynamic and make up a world in which we are continually condemning and judging others, while believing they condemned and judged us first. But our judgment is within our minds; that is our guilt. We project it out and make up a world of idols that will punish us; and we actually think there is a world out there that affects us. This is all part of the dream, which seems very real from within the dream.
Just missed ya, Annie. Time for latte in the Tavern? Got some shortbread here. Oh, there’s one left…
Lisi, sweet Lisi –
that is indeed a great post. (and Bernard – I suppose she said yes, to your question – which is why it’s on the home page ?)
The first time I heard myself thinking I wish he/she was dead created a lot of problems !! (: Now it’s easier (; – it’s just a thought.
Symbolic of the “Law of Separate Interests” (sorry, just reading some Ken this evening – had to throw that in there – its’ very clear that’s the Law this world is created on, we all think we know that, but each time it sinks in just that little millimeter extra into the subconcious terrain beneath my concious mind)
“night all –
love,
a
That´s a good question Bernard and Annie. And one that I already made to myself. I am still digesting all this, but when it comes to mind that she menace with a new call the anxiety begins to arise and a loud shout resonates within, “No,no more.” During the phone call all the drama in my mind was related to the bitch-mother, but now, every time I remember she is going to call again all sort of remembrances begin to fall on me. Like, “she had “my father” all her life. I had him only 7 years. Now she is trying to be nice because she never waited, and waited and waited for her father´s return to no avail.” Well, up to this moment, things are just like this.
I am trying to observe all this calmly– sometimes a little success, sometimes no success, but I am trying to be gentle and honest to myself. And this morning I thought, “well, undoubtedly I still think I am Lisi and I still think I have a father that I share with this “hypocrite”, and it is okay. That is how I think of her right now, and I know that the course tells me that if I am judging her in reality I am judging me, but in this moment I just don´t care, I just want to think about her this way. And these are the last news. When something new happen I will inform you.
Much love,
Lisi
P.S. I was just about to push the submit button, when a new thought arose: “Are you sure you want to hold on to all these resentments? Thanks a lot Bernard and all of you for this place. Just telling you about all this raised the doubt in me.
Annie i love to hear your thoughts….{gives her a big squeezy cuddle} Last night i too was thinking about the way Lisi answered the phone and it occurred to me how wonderful that you thought it was your best friend ringing `cause in that holy moment she was!
Talking about how we answer telephone calls. On my voicemail i like to change mine now and again to keep `em fresh….
On my present one I sing “Hello i love you wont you tell me your name
And your phone number too
Love from winnie the pooh”……
tee hee and the one before this, it was “Hello this is winnie I`m not here right now, but please leave a big box of chocolates for me after the beep”…..
That was a goody because folks are expecting me to say “please leave your number”…… my message amused them so when they recorded theirs, it would usually begin with a giggle, which made me giggle too…
night-night dear a
Hi All,
Ahh, Annie, I always want to know all those details, too. (the rest of the story) Somehow, they seem like they are going to make the feelings make sense — yet, more ego shenanigans.
Lisi, you probably have other issues going on, too — and then this one flies in from left field, a perfect rendition of ‘what you have, you must have stolen from me’. I’m grateful you come here to sit it down and let us look at it with you, and our silent partner. I’ve noticed how when the ego is bringing things on, it sure likes to do multiple fronts at the same time, so I feel overwhelmed and it all seems so much more dramatically real.
Nina & Winnie, I noticed when you, Nina, were talking about how the terrors would cycle in and then there would be a distanced vantage, and then it would repeat the cycle, that it mirrored Winnie’s dream recycling repetition. Joined minds, eh?
Mmmm, latte and shortbread. Thanks, Bernard!
Thanks for the posts everyone; they are truly helpful!
Ego shenanigans…Oh I love you Irish! I bet the word for shit even sounds lovely in the Celtic language (: The ego by any other name would still stink right? I may be getting a bit crass and it probably doesn’t translate well and I need to find some sort of symbols to bracket the words so you can tell I’m trying to be playful here. I usually try my hardest when deep down inside my serious nerve is being plucked at. I get why the silent ones are silent. I have come to recognize that the sound of laughter is my addiction. It’s the only balm I have found in this universe to calm me down. But even that stands between me and my peace when it has been compromised by ego. It can be so subtle but not to the trained eye of ” A Course in Miracles” student. How brave we are to walk through this Village knowing that we are loved warts and all. And that’s just the way I want it!
Tough Love, Wapnickian Love…the phone is ringing …It’s Heaven calling!
Love all you warts out there!! Come on over by the fire, carbunkles and scabs and pimples and rashes and anything else y’all think hideous and ugly, we’re gonna have some fun! I’ve got this incredible Carribean Latino music mix I’ve been dying to put on at the Tavern.
BTW we’re going to get this MOJ bandwagon rolling again. Stay tuned!
Lisi, I just love all your follow up thoughts. I feel forgiven to the tips of my toes for all my craziness when I can see you being so understanding with yourself. You sweep us all along in that flowing movement of patience and kindness.
Bernard, Big Bro…thanks for always providing something yummy and now some Latin tunes to dance along with. Jumping on the MOJO bandwagon 🙂
giggling with Winnie’s phone messages (: You may have found a service to provide us folks with boring outgoing message. I would pay for you to personally record an outgoing message in that Aussie accent! I think my friends would leave me that box o’ chocolate…worth a try!
Lisi: “P.S. I was just about to push the submit button, when a new thought arose: “Are you sure you want to hold on to all these resentments? Thanks a lot Bernard and all of you for this place. Just telling you about all this raised the doubt in me.”
this is where I loose it – the connection to Love for me – I am so wondering what I fail to do right: I am SO aware when there is some stuff I would love to let go of – and I say so , and believe that I am letting it go – and some time later, it has not chnaged at all (or so it seems) ( I kinda like “chnaged”…thats it – it has chnaged and I want it to change- vaporate – disappear – bybye- how do you do it, Lisi? anyone???? I llookkk and look and look and ask to look with Jesus and it is still glueing itself to me arrrggghhh(I showed that one to Jesus too)
Oh phooey ! i,ve got one minute left before i,m shut down…Who is Irish – Katrina ?….. Annie a total stranger did bring me a box of chox once because of that message… tee hee
Bernard i loved this post in regards to Lisi ,s – ” I feel forgiven to the tips of my toes for all my craziness when I can see you being so understanding with yourself. You sweep us all along in that flowing movement of patience and kindness.” … i love your gentle heart! hugs to all xoxoxoxooxox
Hi Winnie – you’re so right about Bernard’s comment – agree that phrase really resonated with me too -“sweeping us along in that flowing movement of patience and kindness” !!
a
Hi all, Now arriving at Village Square, I am squeezing the internet today before it decides to go away again.
Just to say thanks for all your beautiful posts, I read them all, and it was really helpful.
And also thanks for your loving and supporting words about my surprising call from hell??? I think Bernard and Annie are right it was a call from Heaven in disguise. But I am still so afraid, that I have to walk little by little to it. I am beginning to understand the meaning of these baby steps, Ken and Jamie talk so often about.
Much love,
Lisi
{{{Squeezing Lisi}}}
Anyone up for a Skype Village Get-Together this Sunday? Let’s do it! I’m ready for another round of group wisdom, giggles, static, forgiveness, and wonder. It’s time for us to re-read those notes from section 2 and see Ken’s ideas at work in our lives. We’ll lick this Judgment thing once and for all! Judgment, humph, what’s that? Ancient history… been there, done that. No? Okay, so maybe it’ll take us a meeting or two more.
Count me in!!!! Hope all last participants can come, and new ones also.
Lots of hugs to all, Lisi
I’ll probably sneak inn silently and say hi and then be quiet and forgive like crazy,no sane…what I really would loveis to say hi and the name of everyone, and hear their hi’s back – I get so confused buy 5 hi’s and not knwoing who Im hiing to – I may know some people but some I still sure may mix up..listen you guys, if you talk to me, please say your names some times so I’ll learn them
Count me in on Sunday.
Good morning, all,
Sometimes my work takes me out of the office and I do not have as much access or time to linger here. I see that I have missed some wonderful discussions….or rather, they were waiting for me when I logged in this morning. Sometimes I try to read everything that was posted in my absence–my futile effort to correct my confusion—but I find that I am more at one when I simply allow myself to be drawn into the vortex. So I came here this morning with the idea of how I continue to let the past define me, how it filters my perspective. How many times have I moaned, “My life would have been better if this had not happened, or if “so&so” had not done that to me.” Then I saw Lisi’s wonderfully honest post and subsequent comments, people who could understand if we wished the bitch were dead. I have habored such thoughts in my time….not wanting to facilitate the deed myself, but wishing that a bizarre sequence of natural events would take care of things. Yesterday I made a decision to forgive someone. She was a former boss whose mecurical & arbitrary nature, coupled with her scathing commentaries, made life miserable for ten years. I am not sure why, but over the past few days I came to see her differently….as someone acting out of fear….and I did not hate her so. I chose to forgive, to cease to participate in the ruminations and perseverations. I know that as long as I identify with the past I am doomed to repeat it. And I realized that I did not wish the person dead; I wished my perception and my memory of it to die.
Drawn into the vortex of Love.
Murrill you so captured your heart in that posting that you drew me into the vortex of Love too.
Thank You
Murril, this was a beautiful post. Many thanks for sharing this. I hope you don’t mind that I put it on the Bulletin Board. You’re really stripping away all my strategies and pretenses: how many times have I cloaked my ego’s nefarious desires with the thought, “If only natural events would deal with this in the way I want.” The unspoken thought is always that I wouldn’t be seen as the guilty one, even though I was somehow responsible for these ‘natural forces’ working in this way. And how many times has it crossed my mind that if something unpleasant happened to someone I disapproved of, that this would only somehow be just and right. And then I quickly rush back to Donna’s excerpt from Ken, and remember to take a step back and take a big belly laugh at the whole kit ‘n kaboodle! 😀
Wow, Murril, 🙂
Bernard….Of course I don’t mind that you put “my” post on the Bulletin Board…..as long as I’m not flattered by it. I have caught myself several times today on the verge of spitting a disparaging remark or judging whether someone in in their right mind….and I had to recall that I, too, exhibit the very qualities I was so quick to demean. Yes, I forget quickly, but I also remember quickly when I am sharing here in the Village. Keeps me honest, I guess.
Murrill, no really, you are very special – smash (ducking under a chair in the Fireside after throwing jelly-rolls and whipped cream on unsuspecting Murrill)
Murrill, thanks, such a beautiful post, as Annie, you drew me into the vortex of love too. Your post and Ken´s excerpt were a wonderful gift today.
Much love, and lots of hugs to all,
Lisi
Murrill i love this wonderful post that just sparkles with sincerity and honesty…. and like everyone else i`m feelin` the love !
Yes it is SO helpful to be among others who understand and can listen to our innermost murderous thoughts.
Big hugs to all xoxoxoox
Okay, children, when you’ve had enough of your games (I’m sooo above that), it’s time to do your homework. Check out these lines from MOJ:
(2:3-5) “How can God’s Son awaken from the dream? It is a dream of judgment. So must he judge not, and he will waken.”
Ken: This sounds very nice and easy. But as you know from your work with the Course, it is hardly that easy. If this is a dream of judgment based upon differences, then to awaken from this dream and return to the home that we never left, we obviously must give up judgment. [Notice Ken does not say ‘not judge’, but give up or relinquish judgment.] The problem is that we are not aware that we are judging. We are not aware because of the power of our defenses. That is the key to understanding forgiveness. It is very easy to say that we will give up judgment; but we do not know what we are really saying because we do not know how much we judge. We do not know how much we really are the children of specialness, and how much our specialness keeps us going, day in and day out. Specialness is the air we breathe, the principle that nourishes all of our relationships. [To me this means that judgment is the air we breathe, an automatic and integral part of our daily experience] Specialness governs every single thing we do in this world. The problem is that we are not aware of it because we do not see it in ourselves; we see it outside ourselves.
Whenever we find ourselves getting defensive about anything, or experiencing a resistance to doing or saying anything or being with anyone, there is some hidden specialness, some hidden judgment we do not want to see. [Would anyone agree with me that this is like 90% of the time?]
Nina, your post #712 above, I’m not sure anyone really knows how to answer it. All I can say is that I think the changes are indeed there in you, but they are so small and progressive that you’re not noticing them. I don’t think there are any big changes when following this path, but just a very slow, imperceptible shifting of perception over time. Perhaps you can see that there are indeed some things to which you don’t react in quite the same way as you did before you began studying the Course, a lessening of your sensitivity or the strength of your emotion, or the conviction in your reaction. Having the same reaction as before but being aware that this is a choice, even though it doesn’t seem to be; being aware that perhaps something else is going on and what I perceive is not the full story – this is a sure indication that some shifting of perception (i.e. a ‘miracle’) is occurring. I think you’re doing fine but just don’t see it. The best we can do is to keep reassuring ourselves that all is well, and to keep trying to take all our reactions less and less seriously. Not always easy, as I recently found out. But maybe we can help each other? (Here, have some pie! You prefer jelly roll, is that it?)
Bernard, you wrote:Whenever we find ourselves getting defensive about anything, or experiencing a resistance to doing or saying anything or being with anyone, there is some hidden specialness, some hidden judgment we do not want to see. [Would anyone agree with me that this is like 90% of the time?]
Ha, I would like to have exmples of the 10% puhleese
and yes, I like jellyrolls, but whipped cream is my favorite, mixed in with absolute everything(even kaviar)
And thanks for 730, B. I know there are changes, not only chnages – and my experience is different from tyour: I have had big changes in forgivenessmovements – e.g. when I have suceeded in changing my perception – and that is why I get confused when I don not have them I guess.
(Throws Ruth-Annes big secret jar of Pommyjuice in the fire-extuingisher-apparatus ( I am from Norge) and puts on full force on the juice) Now open your mouth everyone!)
(Ruth-Anne! We need more pommyjuice!!! come back!…(I know. Not only for the Pom-juice, you know :-))
Nina, I should have added in my comment above that it’s only in the past 6 months that Pat says she has noticed a ‘slightly perceptible’ change in me. And we’ve been together 10 years, and I’ve been studying this blessed thing 22 years!!! I guess that’s what you call incredibly slow, progressive, imperceptible change. But there’s hope! Just imagine in another 20 years!
Morning and hugs to all, I had last night a very healing dream. I was sitting down under a tree in my garden. I was feeling really lonely and longing again for my father. In that moment, I did not notice that someone arrived and stood up behind me, without a word the person embraced me and very softly told me: “Don´t be sad, you are not alone anymore, you never was. My father is your father and is the father of us all.” In that moment I recognized Ingrid´s voice, but the warmth feeling was so beautiful and loving that I just stayed there with her arms around me and a complete feeling of peace and joy, until a ring ring woke me up. The first thought, Ingrid! but no, it was just my alarm clock ringing it was 5 o´clock.
Now, I am really grateful about the “surprising phone call”. It is really astonishing how our ego mind deluded us. This ego mind, as Jamie once said and Michele recalled during our last Village live, is really a cesspool. So, this world as its projection must be the same. Well, this event opened my private cesspool– which I have hidden under the disguise of being unfairly treated by life, namely, my father, his wife, his new daughter. And I protected the cesspool by blaming them for all my pain and feeling of abandonment. Yes Bernard, now I agree with you the call was from Heaven and the Holy Spirit´s messenger was my sister.
The last past days, after the phone call, I tried to stop analyzing my past and just wait and try not to judge myself each time a “new-old” thought about my childhood arose. I just stayed there, waiting for the fear to abate, and each time I opened the cesspool and smelt the rotten and pervasive odors, I just tried to see Jesus by my side holding my hand and saying to me gently and sweetly: “Don´t worry, you are not bad, you are not a sinner, you are just very afraid, and that is not a sin.” And I held to these words from Jesus in his Course, each time I felt terror was rising up: “You do not walk alone. God´s angels hover near and all about. His love surrounds you, and of this be sure, that I will never leave you comfortless.”
Lots of love to you all,
Lisi
Welll…for me maybe it’s maybe 3% of the time! 😉 But an example of that 3% is the joyous gratitude I feel when an “ancient hate” has become neutral! In other words…there is a woman I’ve been friends with for the last 30+ years! She has “driven me crazy” for probably the last 20—or maybe 29! Finally, after an incident that happened a couple of years ago, that was an excuse for me to end the friendship with – I told her that while remaining in a group that we are both in, that meets about every three months, our friendship as we knew it was over. I blamed it on myself, while at the same time being as honest as I could. Before speaking, I asked to be joined with J/HS in my mind, and did the best I could with the dialogue. Well, up until a few months ago, I relished in “hating her” as my husband kindly pointed out to me. I realized yes, this was so, watched myself hate the parts of her that are the parts I hate about myself, asked J/HS for Their interpretation/perception and stopped. I was aware that when I was judging myself for my actions, I chose the wrong teacher, and watched that w/out judgment, which got me back into my right mind. I very slowly, realized, that we are both doing the best we can to get Home, although our paths are different. I very slowly realized that we both have a right mind, wrong mind, and decision making aspect of that mind (mind – an aspect of spirit, outside of time and space) that is ALWAYS choosing in any given moment the Teacher of Love or the teacher of hate. I realized that in attacking her, I was attacking myself……and after months and a year, I finally got sick of it! While I still, do not want to spend time with her outside of the group, I can see the sameness in us, which is a reflection of our Oneness. Tomorrow the group is meeting, and it will be a whole day affair! At this moment, I am peaceful about the day, albeit asking to be joined with the Love in my right mind. I feel confident (hope this is right minded confidence ;-)) that no matter what my feelings of tomorrow bring – when brought to my right mind, the feelings will be tools to be used to remove the blocks to Love’s presence. For me, this is another symbol of how, albeit seemingly very slowly….*I am just a bit more identified with my mind (spirit) vs the body. The “development of trust” I have gained is a bit stronger. I can only trust that tomorrow, for the several hours I am with her, that I can remain right minded as I chop wood and carry water. If I can’t…..I can only trust that *I, as decision making mind, dreaming I’m a body named “melody” will not take the seeming relapse seriously….knowing that J/HS are in my mind.
Hope this helps a bit, Nina, I know that writing this has helped me to reinforce what I, as decision making mind most need to learn!
I was writing just as you were, Lisi, so my post is in answer to #732! Looking forward to going back and reading you now, Lisi!
WOW LISI!!!
With Gratitude and Love to all…
m
Ingrids voice was beautiful in the dream but “alarming” in this reality. Oh to go back to that dream…. but a dream is still a dream. It’s ok thou a Happy Dream is a good start right?
The best line for me was: “A New Old Thought”. Gosh isn’t that the Truth! I don’t think I’ve had a New New thought in forever!
Lisi I am happy that the surprising phone call is playing out so beautifully for you. I’m sure Ingrid is having much healing right along with you and your Father as well. But I’m not sure about the Bitch.
Just kidding…
Say you laughed…come on …it was funny right????
I know…I’m no where near 10%. This is an example of how to be judgemental. What? Nina wanted an example of hownot to be judgemental…Oh that’s different. When I figure it out I’m gonna disappear so I won’t be able to tell you. Sorry Nina (:
WOW! Melody and Lisi.
Now I see I was typing while Melody was writting her awesome experience. Oh I hate when this happens.
I have a feeling tomorrow will go well for you Melody. It felt like you are definitely moving with right minded confidence.
And I was typing while you were Annie(-: I don’t hate it I think it is symbolizing our willingness to become one (-:
Nina, re. 712, In the FACIM Q & A’s #579 (posted on Jamie’s site today)might be helpful.
Ahhh Pammy …I shouldn’t be hatin
you are most definitely beyond the 10%
there I go judging again
this is why the silent ones sound so smart…they make no sound
Lisi:And I protected the cesspool by blaming them for all my pain and feeling of abandonment. ”
what a reminder. And Lisi – why Ingrid – such a scandinavian name?
Bernard, 732…Have Pat changed for you in those years? Just saying that change does not have to do with being a course student, though I hope it has, for me – I know some close friends have stopped doing stuff that irritated me (and other))
Annie: When I figure it out I’m gonna disappear so I won’t be able to tell you. Sorry Nina (: Oh I love that. Clever, darlin’)
And bless the non-silent ones, i get to see that I am silly AND innocent – and so many times, not silly at all – just radiantly beautiful {{{group hug}}}
Pam I am going directly to the Q&a’s now
Love you all so much
and a big warm hug to Ruth-Anne, should she come here
Yes, Annie. I had a great laugh, I am still giggling. And, of course, the Bitch is not in the forgiveness plans. Still giggling. Thanks for your humor.
Thanks Melody for such a beautiful sharing, for me also, this path is very, very slow, but the peace it brings each time I just let it be is worthwhile the patience.
Agree with you Pam, I think this question would be good not only for Nina, but for me right now and I think for a lot of us.
Bernard, I copied it here for everyone to read it, is it okay?
Q #579: Over the past two years or so I have made a conscious effort to remember the moments and periods during my life when I actually feel peaceful. They are far and few between and always seem to be swallowed up as my familiar fears, concerns, etc., come flooding back in. One of the answers [Question #355] used the analogy that each of these moments can be thought of as a golden thread. As you have more and more of them the thread becomes a string, the string a rope, until you can climb out. This is my favorite image and has greatly helped me during difficult times. I have come to realize the enormity of my resistance to having these experiences but have also realized it is all right. These moments are always associated with forgiveness of some darkness in my mind, if only for a little while. However, there are certain seemingly minor events in my life that evoke such feelings of self-hatred and shame that have more recently come back to me from the distant past. Could it be my ego is “fighting back” as my separate identity is challenged?
A: The ego will always pull out all the stops in an attempt to preserve itself, and that certainly can explain at least in part your experience. But it may also be helpful to think of these old memories as resurfacing now because you are increasingly willing to look at the darkness and bring all of its various expressions in your mind up into your awareness so you can make a different choice about them.
Although the thoughts seem to be about events from the past, they are simply symbols of guilt, which you are still holding onto now, that are buried in your unconscious, where they continue to operate out of your awareness, robbing you of peace. By allowing them to come up into your conscious awareness, you are giving yourself another opportunity to release them into the light. The feelings associated with these thoughts, as you remember the past, may not be comfortable, but if you can learn to begin to welcome both the thoughts and the feelings as the opportunity for forgiveness that they present, they will increasingly lose their power to disrupt your peace. Nor will they continue to operate at a subterranean level in your mind, like seismic forces that affect you on the surface without your feeling as if you have any choice about the effects.
In A Course in Miracles, Jesus introduces a discussion of ego “dynamics” with reassuring words that can just as easily be applied to your specific experiences: “No one can escape from illusions unless he looks at them, for not looking is the way they are protected. There is no need to shrink from illusions, for they cannot be dangerous. We are ready to look more closely at the ego’s thought system because together we have the lamp that will dispel it, and since you realize you do not want it, you must be ready. Let us be very calm in doing this, for we are merely looking honestly for truth. The “dynamics” of the ego will be our lesson for a while, for we must look first at this to see beyond it, since you have made it real. We will undo this error quietly together, and then look beyond it to truth” (T.11.V.1).
Posted on Thursday, November 18th, 2010 at 12:01 am.
hugs to all
lisi
And it happened again I was writing at the same time as you Nina, and just now when I sent my post I see yours. Undoubtedly we are just one. The Ingrid name is because my father is German. My cousins are Ingeborg, Helmut, Hillmar, Klaus and Werner. My name Elisabeth is my grandmother´s name, she was from Austria.
And Pam´s question is now here at the Village, it is a gem.
It was wonderful to come here this morning and read so many awesome posts to which i am looking forward to responding to.
Bernard i agree with what you said to Nina -> “I think you’re doing fine but just don’t see it.” It reminds me of Ken`s reassuring words that we are always exactly where we should be at any given moment…{smiles}
About how much we experience defensiveness – I dont experience it much at all these days and self-judgement is almost nil…. but that doesnt mean a thing. I never let myself forget that i havent got a clue about anything. Using that logic therefore, it could well be that huge chunks are still unconscious and have yet to surface…even though my pre-Course life was immersed in self-judgement
I am however very much in touch with my insidious specialness thoughts which are the dominant ones, especially spiritual specialness speak.
I see myself as arrogant in the extreme because i think i understand this Course and practise it but i never fool myself about this because i always go back to remembering that i really dont understand anything which is why the word “practise” is so important to me. I dont care if it takes me the next 30 years or the next 30 lifetimes, it is very important to me to not deny these feelings, which is the main reason why i am here, at the Village.
I tend to be a boots and all girl and have had to learn through painful experience to take little steps. Why i even broke my ankle about 5 years ago now which i knew was a direct outward manifestation of my over-eagerness to learn this Course.
i know i am just a spiritual baby, and must needs stay where i am and just look calmly at the crap of every word i utter.
Every time Annie talks about the “silent ones”, a part of me wants so much to be the same ! …to just never want to open my mouth again and so i remind myself once again that i am sick and the only way to deal with my sick desire to express myself is to keep kindness as my motto in form and Jesus as my guide in content.
From that aspect i am glad i am so uninhibited. All of the shenanigans of my bright personality which i get to express here at the Village, help me enormously in seeing this so crystal clearly.
I am simply not interested in trying to work out whether any of my words come from the Holy Spirit. I figure that`s not my business and so i am content to just assume that i am always coming from the ego and that keeps me honest and always in a win-win situation.
oh isn’t that something – you are always in a win-win situation- deb knew what she was doing when she baptized you, right ?
natti my preciouses
Natti natti precious Nina…I`m touched that you remember that it was Deb who gave me that name.
Lisi i have read and reread your wonderful dream and still feel speechless to comment on its beauty, except to say that when the figure stood “behind” you, it brought to mind the thousands of others who stand “behind” the one we forgive and the thousands who stand behind each of those…
Melody when i read your heartfelt post, it brought tears to my eyes, especially following Lisi`s post. I`m confident, along with you and Annie, that no matter what feelings crop up tomorrow, as you say, they will used as block-removing tools…
Lisi how grateful i am for you posting today Q and A.. { I fell off that bus eons ago}. I have never heard this analogy before -> ” each of these moments can be thought of as a golden thread. As you have more and more of them the thread becomes a string, the string a rope, until you can climb out.” omg i just love it !
Great session today.I’m posting the last paragraph from the answer to today’s FACIM question as the word “judgement” could have been part of the fist sentence along with guilt and sin.
“Since not only the guilt and sin, but the self we believe we are, are all part of the illusion, it is not that easy for us to accept that the guilt and sin are not real, for then we are accepting that we are not real as well. That is why, in practicing the Course’s process of forgiveness, we need the help – – Jesus or the Holy Spirit — that comes from outside our thought system to release the guilt that we have made real. And that help is a reflection of the love that down deep we truly seek. So when we are willing to accept that help, we are already joined with the love and forgiveness that is buried underneath the belief in sin and guilt. And that joining is what allows us to know that the sin and guilt are not real and that nothing therefore must be done about them.”
Somehow this process of talking about judgements or guilt allows my willingness to accept help and the rest of my day has been delightful.
“we are already joined with the love and forgiveness that is buried underneath the belief in sin and guilt.” yeah Bev and aint that a comfort xoxo
Re my earlier ponder, i just wanted to add that i like to remind myself that i am never arrogant for the reason i think. The real reason i am arrogant is because i think i can make up a better world than God since He was so inadequate. Really our arrogance is so off the charts that it stands to reason it takes a lot of looking at.
Also i wrote that i dont experience much defensiveness, and then i realized that that`s exactly what my need for specialness is.