Fireside IV
It is to the Village Square that the townspeople come to exchange views and thoughts on their beloved spiritual philosophy, learning from each other in kindness and wisdom. Then when their minds have been filled, they retire to the tavern on the western side of the square where they share in social discussion, learning of each other’s events and challenges, happinesses and sometimes sadnesses, too. With a mug or glass in hand, they collect in front of the great Fireplace that dominates the long wall. Benches and chairs are often filled on market day with those who have come from farther away, bringing news of events and views the local people delight in hearing.
If you are feeling disoriented by all the philosophical talk by the fountain in the Village Square, then come sit down on the bench here with us for a while just to soothe your mind and share a mug of tea or coffee. Let’s all make sure the conversation is quiet and simple, caring and thougtful, exactly the kind of talk you might have around a warm hearth, the only light filling the room coming from the fireplace.
This is the fourth installment in the Fireside discussion series. After we reach 900 comments, the page takes too long to load on your computer, and so we start another fresh page. To review previous discussions, we keep the old pages (Fireside I and Fireside II) which you can find under the ‘Village’ tab on the navigation bar at the top of screen under the image of the tree.
Wonderful, Anil, full of still wonder.
Here, we asked you to come to our lesson, and you bring yours to us!
He leads, you follow, we trail, seeing the Holy Instant in everything i see this day.
I might venture that sooner or later we all wind up doing all the lessons all the time, as though our minds have been traned (like elephants are traned to a learned elephant – foot tied to foot) to pull the Holy Spirit’s thought out and replace speedy gonzales’ favorite best idea(s),
Today the instructions said do it 6 times, oh, and once an hour. This is fast and furious, darn close to every half hour. Every time I turn around i need to stop and Do It.
Thanks, Katrina.
It has been a wonderful experience is 3rd, 4th or whatever number of times that I did 361 through 365. Really, really beautiful, breathtaking, life inspiring thoughts.
A couple of nights ago I spoke to Bernard. Just called him on an impulse, the time seemed right around 5 pm his time, and midnight for me as I was getting home from some errands.
We spoke of your dubbing some of he end Lessons the Great Ray Lessons ! (: and of how much the village is bubbling with the energy of doing the Course together.
The mayor has been deeply involved with the French site and the creation of a France based kernel for ACim there. I kind of understand because for a while I looked to find a Course based group in Singapore, (which has not materialized yet). He felt bad that he was not able to devote enough time to the English time, and when I tried to make him feel better about that, he laughingly said, ” that’s terrible, don’t deprive me of my guilt. I want it you kow ! ” (=
We both had a good laugh. Truly the attraction to guilt lives in both of us, and perhaps all of us !
Btw, I feel like a Reporter for Reuters at their Village beareau, reporting on this Village happening ! (=
Anyway, Bernard was on his way to celebrate Pat’s mothers birthday is some other town, don’t ask me which one, I’m terrible with French names… (= perhaps he’s back today, but we are planning to chat this week again, before I leave for America, and then I am looking forward to speaking with Annie and Michele.
Annie dear one, no worries, after 2 hours composing a post, so very sweet of you come back and write a few more lines to me, I am so glad to see you here regularly, that whether you write to me personally or not, my soul is satisfied to see you here, whoever and whatever you may write about.
I read your detailed post on Croatia once, I feel the need to go back and read it again, it seems rich with history and happenings in the world, and I was always curious about Croatia anyway, ever since I came to the US in 1988, and being somewhat apolitical at that time, zi was very confused by all these nations seeking independence and why, etc,etc…. Thank you for writing it out in some detail, I will go and read it again now….
Love,
anil
Morning, Good Afternoon and Goodnight Village Family,
I see the Big Screen is set up for Super Bowl Sunday (a religious Holiday here in the States).
I remember a photo of Lawrence and Sharon bundled up to the max at some football stadium-is that here on our site or am I remembering that photo from the Monastery’s personal pages? No matter, I’m sure Lawrence wont be under the Village tree today (:
I musta been in the minority when it came to choosing our collective experience of watching Football as a national pastime. Couldn’t care less. My first thought was-oh the highways, streets and stores should be a breeze today once the game starts and I should just go and take a drive. Too bad you aren’t here this weekend Anil-we could have covered a lot of territory (:
So, yay time to come back and touch base with your respective businesses in the States? I won’t ask when, as I know those plans have not been made yet (:
but I will look forward to your call.
Mr. Mayor is a busy man and we are so lucky that he continues to want to hold his post here. I wonder what kind of cake they had at the birthday party? French pastries are so yum. Close your ears/eyes Ms. Tex – I’m drooling for something with a high carb and sugar content right now! Oh, how I wish I could look differently at this (:
And How are things for you Ms. Tex today? Are you a Big Football Fan? Texas loves all things Big but your are originally from what State again?…oh I don’t like when I forget important details (;
I’m glad you enjoyed my story. I almost deleted the whole thing. It took me so long to post cuz I was interrupted so much. (victim/victim) The victimization topic has always played front and center for us as a family so these current lessons present another opportunity to wash away the next layer of guilt.
I’ll catch ya all later-gotta run now.
xoxo Annie
Monday morning starting off with your post, Annie. That’s a good way for me to start the week. Another 15 minutes to game time, and perhaps Papa Lawrence is a real football fan and watches no matter which team plays.
Me. When I lived in the states, was quite a Patriots fan, then Belicheck kinda screwed it up for me, so now I am not interested in any football team really.
So….
What else can we talk about ? (=
Am not in a terribly chatty mood, so… Ah yes, I am coming to the US this week. Precise date of departure is not fixed, but need to be in NYC by the 9th latest. Have some meetings lined up with our NY partner for one of our companies the week starting Monday 10th. I do think I will come through California as well, hope my boss will be available in the Valley, so the west coast may or may not happen..let’s see.
I should go now and get to my Lesson for the day. I can feel some stresses building up, and y’day was quite succesfully able to apply :: there is another way to look at this :: in moments of despair. Of course having to go through those gut-wrenching moments, minutes, hours is no fun, but having the Lesson a thought away definitely was relief for those times.
Got to go now, my buddy J is waiting (=
Anil
Just a quick note to say that I left the Fireside at 627pm Village time, have returned now at 645 pm as I start typing, a bare 18 minutes late.
And, I feel much better from having spent the 5 minutes with J this morning. This course really works, maybe I can get to Heaven after all, in a twinkling of an eye !!! (=
Lesson 34
I can replace my feelings of sadness in saying good bye to our sweet Pam with Peace.
I can see peace instead of this.
Because I know that Pam is sending us the peace she is now surrounded with.
Pam always showed us the truth. The work of the farm, the endless treatments and pain of surgeries, the boundless caring and love for Cory. We have watched him grow from a young boy who still needed a few more years with his mother to this young man who will carry her love with him forever. I hope he will be with his Grandma to share their lives and lift one another through this seeming loss.
We love you, Cory, and we will always love your Mother along with you.
Hugs, Katrina
:: God is the Light in which I see ::
Nina dear, thanks for the message re:anxiety attacks. You and Byron Katie are right, they are just energies twisting and torturing their way through my mind as The Holy Spirit continues to make room in my mind for the Light of God to fill it.
And like Katrina, I found the z,en story interesting, I never knew that it was a great romance, a lifelong love that he found with Gloria. That is great ! Where did you read it ? Come across it ? I would love to read more on that….
I trust Gloria is living life well these days, after so many years of marriage, I would imagine she would be experiencing some kind of vacuum. I do hope not, though, and may every blessing be available to her in her daily experience of this world, now and forever more…
I spoke to Michele y’day, she texted me, and I called back immediately, unthinkingly, she was just finishing up her work day, and we made tentative plans to meet next week when I am in the Bay Area.
I do hope I get to see her and that our schedules align. She is lovely…
I am grateful for our Village family, a gift from Jamie, and Bernard, and their shared love for Ken. It is the gift that keeps on giving….
Love to all,
anil
Anil, I think I read about it at the D.U-group. It was a description on how ken ran around the car to open the door for her, and how he looked – very excited and happy and in love! And i truly adored reading that
:: God is the Mind with which I think ::
The lessons are getting lovelier and lovelier, cannot shake the feeling. Lisa Natoli helps a bunch (thank you, Nina (=
Also, thank you Nina for writing back on where you got the Ken/Gloria story, I do remember the car door opening story (but didn’t equate that with him being nuts about Gloria).. ! (:
All is well in NYC. Beautiful day, some snow remaining on the street, (and resultant slush, etc), but beautiful nonetheless. The sun is out and warm, and my parents are flying out from Singapore to Zurich.
Love,
Anil
happy valentine’s day
this day is devoted to love
this day I am thankful and appreciative of all the kindness and love in every form in every place in every glance in every gesture in every offering in every moment
this day is all about being love
this day is all about love
being in love
may we live and move and have our being in love in joy in grace in gratitude in radical acceptance and total forgiveness
I love you
Love love love…. all you rurally need is Love – because Love is all there is!
*wow* I am really getting this!
<3
Siri – is in charge of Auto-Correct. And I am getting pretty tired of her pranks.
All you “rurally” need?
lololol!
All you REALLY need! But I guess it works in a rural setting as well!
tex you are simply just the best
that auto correct thing is always causing trouble
once when I wrote mahalo she changed it to navaho
once when I wrote sharings she changed it to shadings
really tricky since I’m not a good speller anyway … but when I write what I want to say and then she changes it … and then of course, once it’s sent it’s sent!!
you have the best ability to see the fun in it all
I love you … on every day but especially valentine’s day!!!
finally got a math problem when I didn’t need my fingers … 1 + 1 =….
peggy – mahalo!
I love you too, and all of our group!
Valentine”s Day just makes it that much more dear!
God is the Love in which I forgive
God is the Love in which I forgive her
God is the Love in which I forgive him
God is the Love in which I forgive me
God is the Love that is healing this relationship
God is the Love that is blessing this relationship
With God all things are possible
There is a kind of happiness and a kind of joy in this place of God’s grace
God is the love in which I forgive.
I was driving around, doing the lessons in my head….
God is forgiving….how do I step back and let Him lead the way?
How do I chose the HS version of my dream instead of my ego/body?
How to get the body out of the way and remove the obstacles to God’s love?
Then I got a little pun – lol… God is “for giving”…
I know it is true – other people are looking for God…
A smile =)
Like that pun, Tex…
God is for..giving ! (:
Also, Peggy’s “monks, monkettes and monkeys” (=
Memory, we cannot take it for granted. The story I wrote about passing out and going to the emergency room because my platelets were like 25,000 seems to be the cause of some memory loss.
I had a few tests done, brain scans, MRI’s and CT and I am on a waiting list for a memory loss clinic. My neurologist wanted me to go there because they can get a PET Scan approved a lot easier than most doctors. To make a long story short, the scans I have had to date show a normal brain for a man my age.
I know one thing for sure, I never had a normal brain. The problem is I do have very real memory problems. My Doc feels it is because I was unconscious for a few minutes. For those of you who read the story about me almost getting into a fight in a pizza shop for a comment made to Sharon, it was when we went back to our sons place that I passed out.
So, back to my Doc, if he is right he said the good news is the memory loss wouldn’t be progressive. The pet scan would help with us knowing that. This has been one of the reasons for my not posting much. You all have been and are my spiritual family, as Nina has said of us in the intro to her book. As I write this we are getting a new furnace put in, and on the 26th I am getting a a heart stent put in.
I flunked my treadmill test pretty bad. I am actually looking forward to getting the stent. I have been getting very tired for no reason for awhile now. I think too that it might help with the memory problem. So there you have it, it is all about me, I am special! Speaking of special you all are so very special to me, and yes, you silent ones as well.
I am at peace with whatever happens. I have longed for my God for an eternity and yet God is closer than my own breath, a journey without distance indeed. I didn’t write this to make anyone feel bad. I think as always that I will come out on top. God is “for giving. I love it tex, it is good to see you posting. Nuff Said
God bless us every One
lawrence
Lawrence, you sure remember alot of stuff about what you wrote to us, where you were that night, and the rude fellow in the Pittsburg pizza place. And you remember us!
My husband is up to about 11 stents right now, and has taken a temporary 6 wk job working 6 days a week, 12 hrs a day. — stockpiling a fund for a big fishing trip he’s planning for his 66th birthday. A year ago he was so tired and feeling depressed that he just sat in his chair and watched crazy discovery channel shows all day. It is a wonder what oxygen rich blood does to the body and mind when it gets back to where it once belonged. He’s still too tired after work to do much more than eat and go to bed, but now he’s got a good reason to be tired. 2 more weeks to go. I may be able to slip in some tree trimming before he sails off.
Lesson 48. There Is nothing to fear.
L O V E
You are special to me, Lawrence ! (=
Katrina, I love it when you say your “husband”. Guess “husband” and “wife” are special words to me, indicating my own personal heirarchy of illusions. I never knew it was that important for me until this month, and Michele and I spent a good deal of time, (we met yesterday in beautiful Sausalito, just across the bay from San Francisco Embarcadero, and spent several hours together, until my ‘jealous’ boss split apart our time together (=, Michele will likely get that long-shot joke !)…
And I’m realizing from all that I told her y’day, and from writing this today, 6:36am in nippy Atherton, that marriage is apparently a “special” thing in my heirarchy of illusions. Who knew ??? (=
Perhaps I cannot say with any degree of confidence that I have longed for God for an eternity, I feel like my desire for God is much more shallow and ephemeral than that, but I do feel I can say with some conviction that I want God.
And I want to want God above all else.
Yes, that much, and that articulation seems true for me, at this stage where I pray that this desire grows and I do not forget it yet again in the days ahead, as the trinkets of the world continue to distract me, and I allow it, and if that is what meant to be,
So be It.
Amen.
Nina, I agree with Hedda. I have your book. It is so intense that I have to read it slowly. I think you remember what I wrote after I read a few pages ? I think you liked it so much it made it to your site ? (=
Right now, as I think about it again, I feel this great fear. My ex wife also dealt with the molestation trauma that you write about in her personal life, it was some security guard in her building where she lived as a little girl.
The combination of factors too intense for me to read more right now. I will, later this year.
You have to decide of course. It also may be that reading through how God/Jesus/H.S guided me through healing those energies/memories, it might help you both.
But again – you could consult HS/your heart/ about how to proceed. I think that if you pose the question and then rest in your heart – if it expands, go for it,if not, do NOT go for it:)
Yes, very true, Nina.
That is how I am trying to achieve it.
Or more accurately, let it be achieved ! (:
Ps. nice to hear from you, in the middle of the day. Take care, and good night. (:
See you in the morning ! (:
blessings to you Nina
you brought the perfect path of peace
Hi Family, a few days ago in the midst of my ” California dream happiness” crept at tiny mad idea
that said “this is too good to be true” and ” I’m too old to travel that far” and ” what have I done” et.c … It was a huge resistance to Love attack that was kindly washed away by the supporting words from you dear villagers on this page and in private e-mails.
Nina told me to look up the chapter ” Mudmonster ” in her book. The chapter starts: “The general of the defense-troops of a Jhyde is called Mudmonster “.. … “he challenges our courage and our willingness to continue the path to the mountaintop.” …Then the first part ends with the comforting ACIM words : ” You can indeed afford to laugh at fear thoughts, remembering God goes with you wherever you go”
Thank you Nina !
Today , February 22nd is/was Ken’s birthday.
Yes, thank you Nina (and Hedda),
Waking up from another nightmare 9 minutes ago, I am comforted to read the ending of the first chapter of Mudmonster….”I can indeed afford to laugh at fear thoughts because God goes with me wherever I go”.
Should I say “Happy Birthday, Ken” ? Or perhaps since you always taught that you were never here in a body, perhaps a better message is…”I bet you’re happy you’ve checked out of the worlds dreaming, Ken !”
Either way, thank you, Ken, for dedicating your life to this path we now follow..
I came to the Firside yet again this morning, 11:42 am California time to thank Nina for taking the 40-day course wih Lisa Natoli (thank you, Nina ! And I know/ think you are a fan of gentle hugs, but here’s a big, fat hug ! (=……)
I just spent the best 1 hour 8 minutes and 33 seconds with Lisa’s Acim gather with Dan Rosey on YouTube. She is such a sweet, sincere, loving Teacher of God. And I got a special bonus with a special prayer that Bill Thetford asked for from Jesus, and received as he asked. It is the best prayer ever…but I won’t spoil the fun for those of you who want to see it first-hand.
And when I came here to thank, Nina, I got another bonus with Papa Lawrence’s post, and that was just joy upon joy, after a difficult night which is receding into the distance as I type here in sunny San Fran with a lovely view of the Bay from my hotel room.
Truly, God, the Blue Book and this village are just gifts that go on giving, the giving is eternal, my cup runneth over…
Thank you, God.
Amen.
Nice guiding today:
I was led to visit a spiritual movie today – but dod not enjoy it, so i went out into the waiting room. There was an old friend in lots of pain, I was led to put hand on her belly, she said her belly smiled at me 🙂
Then there was another woman there…it turned out that she had had some “therapy/healing” a time in the far past, and that there had been some conflict between us – and <i could not remember her at all, and no conflict either – but we embraced and laughed and it felt very good –
maybe I was led there for her sake – I think so –
but now i will go watch TV: hte very debut concert of maria Callas from 1958!
I love how I gets changed to “zi” everytime I post. and if I’m really bursting to share, I don’t even look over what I have written. Just write it and hit submit.
Still, I have to admit, zi does have a certain charm to it. The ego dressing up I (;
And I see more clearly these last few days how the energy of God is uplifting, and the energy of the ego is weary.
Last night weary, scared and worried about the future. This morning, none of that remains.
God Is.
Anil is♥
I have been off line for a week, so have sure missed alot. Anil, i am so glad that you feel free to talk openly about your feelings. You are not bringing me down. I think there may be alot of experience with divorce here, whether our own or our loved ones.
I needed to go pick up my son and his nearly 1 yr old daughter and bring them home to our house to give him time to get back on his feet after a long illness. He is so much better and we are feeling he is on his way to prosper. Odd how he finds jobs that fit his education perfectly, but how do we explain the long unemployment. All is God’s loving hands, cause how can we know why things happen the way they do. I love having my darling little baby Amery here. We are scurrying to baby proof all the doors and drawers. She is such a talker, just long strings of baby talk sounds, maybe imitating what she hears, maybe explaining the universe for those with ears to hear. I am so grateful to get this time with her.
My daughter Jessica is 10 yrs older than my son. (My husband and I were going to divorce in there between them. But it didn’t work out well. So these things can move and flow unpredictably.). She has a daughter, Sydney, who is 13 in April (Aries!). Jessica and her husband have been divorced since Sydney was about 2. I can assure you that your son will NOT forget you. As long as you make the effort – and it is your right and your responsibility to maintain the link, The child actually feels seemingly more love for the non-custodial parent. And they fantasize forever about mommy and daddy moving back together. Sydney always talked about wanting a big house where mom, dad, and all the grandparents lived together. It is all very simple for them. They just understand all the love they feel for each person. Fathers who fade away are completely mistaken. They ARE needed and loved no matter what the ex’es are on to next. Even though you may travel, put your son in your regular routine and you will see his eyes light up as he runs into your arms. When he is older he will write and text you and want to have times to come stay with you, maybe take trips with you. Love never dies, and the one person who keeps his little heart from breaking is Daddy. Never think it is okay to fade away – that is the wound the child cannot bear.
Anil – I see that I have missed that you and Shoba are separated…or divorced already? I have noticed that you talked about your ex-wife, but since i have seen no post about this change taking place, i thought you were talking about a former wise before S –
I have read through both Fireside and Village to find something and haven’t -I am so very sorry to hear this – and also relieved that you truly use the lessons and have good use of them –
and I notice that you main workpartner for 8 years left you too – two big “losses” at the same time – signaling huge changes for you, Anil – may you allow the sea of change to wash over you and maybe into a new unexpected shores
warm hugs ( and you may hug me as hard as you want 🙂
The Fireside, waiting for a Visitor since last month. Thanks, Nina ! That was a lovely hug. Felt good to wrap my arms around you ! Your messages of love and support have been instrumental in my ongoing healing. Just yesterday, you gave me yet another gift – I am starting to lose count (=
I went to your blog, as I often do, and found your lovely entry entitled “I Am Love”. And as I read through to the last line, your gift of a link to the poetry of another blog, (a WordPress blog with “iithinks” as the first word followed by the dot, then “WordPress” and the second dot, and the final word “com”) And I stumbled around on that site for a while and in his June archives found the following
…..
If you call me a poet
I will call you a liar
My soul speaks through me
but it doesn’t measure in meters and bars
Deep within the depths of my being
I hear the Divine whisper whispering:
Stay with me.
The world will pull you back and forth
I will be your anchor
Just stay with me.
———
It was a gift like no other washing clean my tired heart, my cluttered mind, a ray of Light through a misty day. And it is a gift that keeps on giving even today. Thank you, Nina
And your words of Love regarding my son, my wife/friend, my life situation as I find myself in currently, everything makes sense, and the Divine whisper keeps whispering throu the day.
Michele’s words and Katrina’s thoughts, every thing seems to happen at just the time they are supposed to happen…my cup runneth over, the world is too full in my heart this morning as I start another day, 5:51am, another warm Singapore day.
I wanted to write about Bernard, and his gift of Anita Moorjani’s Dying To Be Me, which I am almost finishing, last chapter to go now, and wanted to write more about my impatience with wanting to finish books, and simultaneously my resistance to some other books, everything informs me of my state of mind and where I am going in my journey Home.
But it looks like that will have to be another day, for better or worse, my writing for the day seems to have run its Course, ego directing or god directing, I haven’t a notion of, but fare thee well, my dear friends, and I thank you all for the blessings of this constant comfort.
wow – this is a really moving place to be!
<3
Dear villagers, I’ve started the “countdown”. It’s Wednesday evening here now. On Saturday morning/night at 3 a.m. I’m taking a bus to the airport which is 2 1/2 hours from where I live.
I will be traveling about 25 hours nonstop if everything goes well !
The JTW will be my travel companion.
It will be my easter time pilgrimage. I will try my best to put my ego aside and let Him lead the way.
yes, do everything with Him, including having a lot of fun and expecting miracles and great surprises and new friends for life
lots and lots of love and wonderful wishes for the School and study –
Nina
Thank you so much (((Nina)))) !!!!!
Nina, I agree. Iithinks is a lovely site/person (=
Hedda, God goes with you on your journey. Exciting indeed. I hope you have a wonderful trip, and from a selfish point of view, hope you meet as many of our Village friends as time and circumstance permit.
This Course is really a life-saver. I was sitting this morning, pottering around in the depressive mood that seems to overtake me every day for some length of time. Thankfully, it always passes, either of its own accord, or some energizing thought enters, or just the daily to-dos of life intervene, and the distraction is one to be thankful for ! (=
I read the daily Lesson, read Lisa’s blog on the same topic, puttered around the Village, nothing seemed to change. Could not find the motivation and will to set aside the 10 to 15 minutes of extended thinking and practice that Lesson 65 asks.
And suddenly out of nowhere, comes the Thought “I am not a victim of the world I see”. I felt a little jolt of energy. Really tiny. I have experienced in the past tremendous surges of energy as some thought from the Course takes hold, but this was not one of them.
It was just the tiniest of tiny moments of relief. Just an invitation to breathe through the despair. But it did the trick. I came over to my iPad. Now, I wanted to know if it was a Lesson or a line from the Text. Kindle on my iPad searched through the electronic version of the Blue Book.
No result.
Searched google on the Internet. I couldn’t have imagined that line. Sure enough, google delivered ! (=
It’s Lesson 31. I am not a victim of the world I see.
I had even reviewed it in the review period a few days ago.
But it was as if I was seeing it for the first time. As if in the past, it was just a collection of sounds and shapes that I had memorized. Like my name. Anil. Memorized since childhood, and how I remember myself. But the word hols no meaning for me. Just a sound. Anil.
And it was like that with the phrase I am not a victim of the world I see. In fact, even as I write this sentence, it still seems like a collection of sounds in my head, some shapes on a page.
But it seems slightly more alive now.
I am not a Victim of the world I see. This painful divorce dance of desire, longing, regret and sadness is something I planned for myself. It would be my wake up call in my 45th year, to wake up to the rest of my life, to reality.
Like the alarm clock that I never set at night, well, on rare occasions when I want to ensure I don’t miss a flight, or when once upon a time, I slept in the same bed with wife and son, and we all awoke together to get him ready for school. I remember how irritated I felt that she had decided a school schedule without discussing it with me. How she always made decisions without any consultation or input from me. And now I am being described as a neglectful dad.
I know, I know, I am not the victim of the world I see (=
Deep within me lies my victim story, that is why I always resonated with that lesson without even contemplating the deeper meaning of it. Even as a collection of sounds and shapes it held it appeal, but today, when I am supposed to be practicing Lesson 65, this victim hood lesson leaps out and wakes me up.
I think I now have enough energy to go through the day, it is easy for me to blame my wife/ex-wife/friend. It is easier to see the guilt in her body than to see it in my mind.
Really, it is stupendous the kinds of things I guess I have done. All because I did not want to acknowledge Gods love and enjoy the bliss of Heaven,
Can there be *any* sanity in wanting this hell of despair when Heaven awaits my joyful return ?
I am a strange creature indeed, having forgotten what I am, and what I could rediscover if I awoke to reality.
Anil,reading this gives me the good shivers. I am not the victim of the world I see.
I am seeing lately that what is so effective for me to turn me from depression is the plain sentence ” I choose to accept myself in this moment – including my thoughts and feelings.” There is a softness and allowing around that, that makes the next step in the forgiveness-process so much easier.
I am reading Nouk Sanchez last book “The end of death.” There is some extra material for those who buy the book: three meditations/practices to download as mp3 or listen to streaming. I know that practicing this is all I need.
ALL I NEED
All are gifts
A great neighbor recently allowed her dog to run free and they shit in my garden. Immediately the old story insisted to be believed in: you are just something that is just worth to be shit upon. And then the whole story rose with a vengeance – and I did the Nouk-meditation for invoking the miracle.
I created that to teach myself that God only gives miracles, and my miracle is that I see that I on some level still wanted “my” story of the shit-
…
short interlude: a woman just now came to pay me some money for renting my garage. She brought a dog with her – in a leash – the dog ate half of the shit before she saw it and stopped him :)do I still want a bit of my story?
maybe – deep down – or maybe I am just so used to it I simply identify with the archetypal victimstory in the one mind – but the thing is, that if i feel these old feelings again I’ll go straight to Nouks meditation.
She also has one called “Willing with God” ( as opposed to “Wishing with ego.” Fantastic effective method for joining with God – for recognizing that anything we have asked for, we already have received. All Love is ours, all Peace.
To be received on our invitation 🙂
We are all “strange creatures” trying to awaken from the dream. But we are here talking about it – looking at it- and learning not to judge it.
So that means we are well on our way to coming home.
Grateful to all the teachers who point to our inner light…especially to you my Village Family.
I like the part where J talks about the two phases.
Somewhere else it talks about (1) how the darkness can not hide and (2) we would not want to hide even if we could.
I realized I THINK i have Salvation but I am still upset (for this reason or that)….
Also I have NO TIME for God – I am FAR too busy, dah-ling…
And yet it is my only function. Hmmph. What?
Yes, Tex, as you expressed at the Village Square, there is a lot <3 here in this Village ! (=
It's still only 8:30 pm, so a few more hours to go before Katrina comes in with her bedtime writings on The Love creates me like itself Lesson, meanwhile I'm already halfway though my day, and resisting big time doing the gem of the succeeding number 68. I'll wait till later tonight, unless Katrina comes in really late in which case I will go to bed. Have to take Prince Lucas to school tmrw. Sunday is always a big day for me, the anticipation of a new week (*my* week starts on Sunday…yes, some more OCD trivia regarding me (=
It's always about me, isn't it ? (=
Michele, nice to hear from you, a goodish length post ! Thank you (=
I must apologize, I still haven't logged onto email all last week, so your reflections on your friend Jay, his Feb5th day, and related family observations are waiting. I will log on just as soon as I can feel that I should…I have a big time aversion to email, apologies, dear friend, but I will read it for sure, so please consider it a gift that is growing I value while it waits in storage for me ? (=
Well, that's a wrap for this episode folks ! (= am off to shower and my post-lunch appointment,,,
Hedda arrived safely to LAX.
We met at exactly 15:30 PST. You would never know she had been up over 24hours, fresh as a daisy! It was my absolute joy to meet and greet her to the US of A.
We couldn’t have had better weather. I took the top down on my new BMW and we drove thru the streets of LA and caught some vitamin D. A quick walk around the newly refurbished Santa Monica Mall (its an outdoor mall) just to stretch the legs a bit and then a quick bite at the food court.
The sun had set so we drove down PCH till the last of the day light was gone. Cut through Kanan road to catch the 101 Fwy aka Ventura Hwy and I put on my America CD ….playing Ventura Hwy…you know the one…
Chewing on a piece of grass
Walking down the road
Tell me, how long you gonna stay here, Joe?
Some people say this town don’t look good in snow
You don’t care, I know
Ventura Highway in the sunshine
Where the days are longer
The nights are stronger than moonshine
You’re gonna go I know
‘Cause the free wind is blowin’ through your hair
And the days surround your daylight there
Seasons crying no despair
Alligator lizards in the air, in the air
Did di di di dit …
Wishin’ on a falling star
Waitin’ for the early train
Sorry boy, but I’ve been hit by purple rain
Aw, come on, Joe, you can always
Change your name
Thanks a lot, son, just the same
Ventura Highway in the sunshine
Where the days are longer
The nights are stronger than moonshine
You’re gonna go I know
‘Cause the free wind is blowin’ through your hair
And the days surround your daylight there
Seasons crying no despair
Alligator lizards in the air, in the air
Did di di di dit …
Felt as natural as with each of my Monastery/Village encounters …like we knew each other for years (and we have). I finally got her to her destination…the room has a lovely bed waiting for her. She’s probably fast asleep as I’m typing this.
Looks like a wonderful week awaits in Ojai. We may need to use the Fireside here to confirm plans as her phone wasn’t making any connections. Katrina you still in for Thursday? I was down to my last cell with no car charger…another story…otherwise I would have called.
Night Night Village see you in the morn.
Hi Lisa,
Am happy to see you here again, its been so long ! Although I would wish different circumstances for you, this divorce thing is the most painful thing I have endured yet, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Am sorry to hear of this development, I just came down to my apartment from the other apartment that my wife son and I once shared.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any more difficult, She said somethings that I couldn’t believe. Still can’t. All very surreal, including the complete calm in which I received this fresh piece of information,
Crazy stuff, this has got to be some script we are playing out.
Your words of advice and experience as you go through your situation is helpful indeed. I have also seemingly recaptured my old feelings of love and tenderness in that precious first days of our union. But it seems to be too late, and a dollar short ! (=
I am so grateful for your bravery in posting here. I am in a state of shock from the prior conversation, so maybe my gratitude doesn’t come through fully in my writing. I kinda feel disconnected from myself, and i can’t say whether that is a good or bad thing, perhaps its neither, just a dream figure in a dream world ! (=
Anyway, thanks again, and thanks also to dear Annie for the detailed arrival report of our dear Hedda. Enjoy the California sunshine, dear friends.
Love,
anil
{{{Anil}}}
I’m Here and my heart is so filled with gratitude to ((((Annie)))) who took care of me like a mother taking care of her child when I arrived exhausted to L.A. I have tears in my eyes now of gratitude . Love to all dear villagers ! I have the song Ventura Highway singing in my head. Now the taxi will take me to Ojai !!
Thanks Bernard for making this possible keeping up the site !!!
P.S. Annie’s BMW is not of this world 😀 !!!!
Dear Anil, whatever her words brought up for you was meant to come up. Yesterday I read a long report from Christopher Engen, a German guy with MS and other trouble, and his experience with HS telling him to give up all his reactions – ALL – and visualize that God’s arms of light reached down to him and placed it all on his alter. And could it be that Shobha’s words now could be given over too – or betterm yur reactions of them, what you tell yourself it all means – your perception of it –
I go through these kind of meditations daily now, from Nouk’s book and the web on mp3 – invoking the miracle it is called – I think it must have saved me several lives 🙂
Dear Nina,
Her words were very illuminating. Certainly unexpected at the time she said them, but she was (I think) pleasantly surprised at how well I received them. This might also be a good time to speak of a misconception in the past few weeks, where I believe you thought my business partner had also left me. Thankfully, that is not the case, my business partner of 11 years is still with me.
We have long chats about business, life, our personal and daily lives, (me more so than him (:, he is somewhat more reserved and private on those matters and has a lovely family). Anyway, in chatting with him just now, I understood even more clearly where Shobha was coming from. That her use of those adjectives to describe me made perfect sense actually, and could not have been any different given the circumstances of our lives together and what she has witnessed during those 6 and a half years.
As I told my friend/business partner, this has been an incredible Journey for me through marriage. Many times she has been a source of great joy for me, and I have experienced the bliss of oneness and Heaven with her in many phases of our life, and in the rocky patches, when things were/are tough for us, she has been my greatest teacher, catalysing me going deeper and deeper into my mind in the ongoing journey to Truth.
I do not know how this will all end, but I do know that it was meant to be so. And in that acceptance, there is a deeper peace and Silence growing. The kind of a silence that nourishes and heals.
Annie dear, hank you for that heartfelt hug. And for the condolences. I guess we both have a lot to console each other over (= (apologies if this is not the right time for humor, and pease forgive me f that comment doesn’t sit well with you, I am coming to terms with what your loss means to you, and it has been a slow learning for me to imagine myself in your shoes). I love you dearly, and wish for you all the happiness of Heaven.
Take care, my good friends, many thanks for the constant comfort of you !
Love,
Anil