Garden
The Quiet Garden of Forgiveness
Love, too, would set a feast before you, on a table covered with a spotless cloth, set in a quiet garden where no sound but singing and a softly joyous whispering is ever heard. T-19.IV.A.16:1
“There is a garden at the foot of this lovely statue with masses and masses of soft white lilies and little paths between to slowly walk and talk with Jesus. There is a fountain nearby and the forever trickling sound of water reminds us to leave the desert of wrong-minded thinking.” (Winnie)
Forgiveness is truly at the heart of the practice of A Course In Miracles. All of us have had moments of shifting our perception of a difficult situation, and finding peace. On this page I offer you the space to tell us about the stories that have stayed in your mind, times when you felt a real change occur in the way you were looking at a problem or upset. Maybe you were encountering aggressiveness in somone, or were being judged and belittled. Perhaps it was a loved one who had left you, or even a pet that had died. Or maybe there was fear, a threat in your life to you or to a loved one. In all these situations, at one time or another you have found peace beyond the pain, release from shame and sadness, and comfort and freedom in their place. There was always a presence there with you, the company of one who loves you and guides you to see differently. If you have had moments of finding that clear presence, please share it with us here.
A little more technically speaking, these would be moments when you reversed the projection and saw that the problem was not outside you, but with you, your perceptions and thoughts. A sudden moment of clarity perhaps when you saw that the upset was having pushed Love away, and not really what was happening outside you. Or perhaps it was just a moment when despite the upset or problem, you felt safely accompanied and that helped you remain unaffected by the problem, to get a little distance from it.
Please try to write concisely if your story requires a lot of explaining (and teach me something about brevity!). Also, please try to share from the heart and not from the head. It is always nice to hear the simple sincerity behind these inspiring stories.
I wish to share a prayer that came across my desk this morning…
“O God, help me to believe the truth
about myself, no matter how beautiful it is.
Amen.”
by Macrina Wiederkehr
beautiful beautiful … I love this!!
mahalo for sharing
and the first time I met you …
oh how precious and beautiful
you simply said “Hi, I’m Annie!”
and it was a perfectly beautiful moment
Anil…by now you must have put Lucas to bed and be sleeping yourself. I think it was you with a +65 number displaying last early eve when I was out on my deck doing catch up reading and to think I could have heard first hand how your non swimming other activities with Lucas went.
I went to see “Chef” last night. It got rave reviews and the father son relationship is beautifully done.
Finally after all these years I’ve found the way to not miss posts by looking for all the places we gather in the village.
I’m going to the last day today of the annual Bay Area Story Telling festival weekend. It should be amazing.
I still need to look further to find the post of your Anil someone else mentioned they loved.
I’m hoping to pull off visiting Annie’s Annuals today in Richmond as well…I’ve never been. She has all kinds of rare plants.
Love to all
Hi Michele, glad to know that you are now fully acquainted with thehysocal layout of the Village. It is a very large place indeed, spanning all the way from California in the West to Singapore in the East, Finland and Norway in the north….! Hmmm, but it does seem to be a northern hemisphere Village only, do we have any locations in South America, etc ? Oh wait, we used to have Winnie and Al from the southern part of the globe, down under in Aussie land and New Zealand…wonder how they are, hmmm…. (:
Re: the call, I actually called before I met up with Lucas. I landed at 6:15am local time, and although he wakes up at odd times once in a while, his general pattern is around 8am, so I was on the bus when I called you.
All a long winded way of saying that we could have chatted, but I probably would not have been able to tell you what non swimming things he and I were yet to do ! (:
It is truly reassuring to hear from you. Feared that I had somehow offended you with my response to your loving message around the time I turned 45 years young ! (: glad to know that is not the case.
Insecurities abound (:
But not if I were to accept today’s Lesson for the day which alas I will not write about since it is still early Monday morning in Singapore, and you are yet to see the nightfall on the Lesson for that day, which was/is truly lovely anyway….
heaven is a decision I must make.
lesson 138.
One of my favorites, and I think I am starting to gather quite a few favorites!
imagine where I will be in 30 years once I at Peggy’s level of acceptance and love….something nice to look forward to or sure (:
All right, my dear, I will leave the Garden now. All call my parents real quick before getting to the shower, and the start of another day…
Love you,
Anil
A prayer I found today.
I dedicate this one to you Nina.
Truth is here,
inspiration is here,
love is here,
peace is here,
help is here,
God is here,
joy is here,
because you are here.
Annie – thank you!
I am breathing it in, and it stumbles over the denials I have built – very effective help to dissolve them and embrace them 🙂
Breathing Deeply with you Nina.
I too am struggling with acceptance of what isthese days.
Let’s just rest here in the Garden for a while.
I think Anil was picking up on something when he mentioned how long this 10 day review period feels.
Just today and tomorrow to lie low and do a little cloud watching.
in this sacred garden may my prayers rejoice
in this beauty and quiet I feel deep peace
in this place my heart is fully open
gratitude for the blessings of family and friends
gratitude for airplanes that brought them over the ocean
gratitude for the happiness and joy they bring
gratitude for their helpfulness and gentleness
gratitude for their youthful enthusiasm
gratitude for their energy
we’ve been laughing and swimming and snorkeling and getting all caught up on goings on
my newest granddaughter is simply precious
my grandson is having the best time … when he wanted ice cream and they didn’t have any and I said I have some … he connected with me totally and said “HIM GOT ICE CREAM!!”
with my whole heart I am truly thankful for the love and joy being shared with my family
having all 3 of my boys here is heaven
mom is well
all is well
boundless joy is available, delay of joy is needless
may this day be a blessing to everyone in their own way and in their own time and in their own place
Life happens.
We want to be somewhere but can’t for whatever reason.
We want to post but can’t for some reason.
I wish to explain so many things but haven’t the time.
Still I know you understand and that gives me great peace of mind.
We have created here amongst ourselves a place where we are understood and forgiven.
A Touchstone for a short while.
We come, we go-we laugh, we play, we pray.
I see you in the people I encounter each day.
If I hear an Aussie accent its Winnie I’m feeling.
Someone mentions swimming with turtles and I’m in Hawaii with Peggy.
A Southern drawl from the Carolinas and Ninjanun is right there with me.
You get the picture.
I think its all about expanding…
expanding our hearts to include everyone.
We practice and play here – its my little secret.
Most people including most of my family have no idea I spend
more time with you than anyone else.
But everyone I know benefits from my daily discipline because it has made
me a kinder person.
I came to the Garden to say a quick prayer and then I got all wordy mostly because I was moved by your post Papa Lawrence…no need for apologies is what I really wanted to say.
Praying with St. Teresa of Avila this Morning:
Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.
— St. Teresa of Avila
beautiful prayer and shared thoughts
thank you annie
Beautiful blessing, Annie. Your heart-expanding poem ever so effortlessly blends into St.Teresa.
I love you, and am grateful to God for my life, which is one with us.
Thanks be to you.
To the garden, I come to pray.
The subconcious mind that runs me has so many strands in it, it is impossible to keep track of what thought triggers what. (I know that all I have to be aware of is Love’s presence, and not follow all those other strands to their fearful end, but still…I am human, and working on becoming more aware of my divinity).
Until then, I guess I will from time to time, feel compelled to write, sometimes because of the overwhelming force within me that seeks expression, seeks validation, seeks comment and interaction, and sometimes for the pure joy of it, and sometimes for the clarity that writing brings me…sometimes.
(:
Reading 169 today, brought an image of Winnie to mind in the very first paragraph….”Grace becomes inevitable instantly inevitably in those who have prepared a table where it can be gently laid and willingly received”… what is the connection ?
It was no coincidence either – it happened on both readings, in the morning and again in the afternoon. So what is the connection, I thought ?
And perhaps it is that in creating the Garden, our beloved Mayor had quoted Winnie’s imagery of a Garden, and the feast set upon a table with spotless white cloth….
And even though I am not a foodie, (or maybe I am ? I know not what I am (:… that connection went deep into my mind.
And here I am at the Garden. brought here by my personal intertwining of the table from 169 and Winnie’s feast on the table in the Garden of forgiveness.
Have you ever felt that there is really nothing to say ? and simultaneously, there is everything to say ? and if you have, doesn’t the juxtaposition of the two completely contradictory thoughts just make you feel ______ ??? (:
The world is too much with us. Or perhaps just with me this afternoon (:
By Grace I live.
By Grace I am released.
Amen.
Yes the garden of forgiveness is the place Anil where I request, and alert you to having sent an email as well to you asking the same:please send me your best mailing address.
Michele dear – checked email. no email from you. perhaps i misread your note above (:
anyway, the email I sent you the email from is the best address to reach me on (on the rare occasions I use email). I am so glad that i have given up email.
more free time for God (:
love,
Anil
Anil ~ Please email me your snail mail address( Singapore..I would imagine is best eh?) . I want to mail you something via the us postal service.
::For Love must give, and what is given in His Name takes on the form most useful in a world of form::
:: each hour, spend a little time today, and in the days to come, in practicing the lesson in forgiveness in the form established for the day.
:: And try to give it application to the happenings the hour brought, so that the next one is free of the hour before.
:: The chains of time are easily Unloosened in this way.
:: Let no one hour cast its shadow on the one that follows, and when that one goes, let everything that happened in its course go with it.
:: Thus will you remain unbound, in peace eternal in the world of time ::
Dear God,
Today I read these words dictated by your son, my brother J and they held me deep in their folds, in paragraphs 5 and 10….
:: The dreary, hopeless thought that you can make attack on others and escape yourself has nailed you to the cross. Perhaps it seemed to be salvation
:: Yet it merely stood for the belief the fear of God is real
:: And what is that but Hell ?
:: Who could believe his Father is his deadly enemy, separate from him, and waiting to destroy HS life and blot him from the universe without the fear of Hell upon his heart ?
:: There is an instant when terror seems to grip your mind so wholly that escape appears quite hopeless.
:: When you realize once and for all, that it is you you fear, the mind perceives itself as split.
:: and this has been concealed while you believed attack could be directed outward, and returned from outside to within.
Dear God, the Course seems to be anticipating my thoughts before the Lesson for the day. On Sunday, I awoke with the thought of a very specific fear of the future as regards one of my businesses, and it was the first time in a very long time that I had any fear of the future.
And the Lesson for the day was, “I place the future in your Hands”
Yesterday, I used the word crucify for the first time in at least two months, and today the Lesson speaks of “crucifying myself”.
I don’t know whether to laugh at your sons sense of humor, or be wonder struck at the rapid coincidences closing in on me !
Either way, I am grateful. Something mysterious seems to be playing itself out in my life as I imagine it, and I am content, for the most part, to let it play itself out.
Amen
Anil, your post makes me want to post the poem I wrote yesterday:
It looks like you hang there
In agony
What if the agony
Is mine
What if
I nail my own
Innocence to
The cross
And guilt watches
And screams
And protects its
status
Hi Nina,
Nice poem, and good to see you here in this tranquil garden.
It’s a rainy morning in Singapore, and I’ve just finished my reading of the Lesson for the day.
in one section it speaks of stillness where before there was a frantic rush of thoughts.
My mind in this peaceful garden finds some stillness to identify itself with, but I know I must leave the garden soon, to walk the world again, chores to do, untold promises to keep.
I hope to walk the world with a deeply felt smile in my heart today, even though the beginnings have been happy.
But it’s never too late to expect or choose the miracle, right ?(:
Love,
Anil
There’s a little miracle you might enjoy, Nina.
Wrote heavy and Steve Jons turned it into happy ….replacement of my original word choice in the post above ! (:
From Lesson 200:
:: For we have found a simple, happy way to leave the world of ambiguity, and to replace our shifting goals and solitary dreams with single purpose and companionship.
:: For peace is union, if it be of God.
:: We seek no further. For we are close to home…….
:: I can forgive the world. All I have to do is forgive whatever comes up in front of my face on any given day.
:: The relationships I seem to be in, the situations I seem to be stuck in, the awful events……I see in person, the bad memories that come into my mind- all can be forgiven. They are all the same.
:: I can forgive other bodies,or I can forgive my own body. They’re the same too.
:: I can release the resentment I have toward others or the regrets that I have about my own life.
:: I can do it, just one day at a time, and then the day will come when my job is done.
Well, walking through the Village, I should also swing by the tranquil Garden, home to so many healing thoughts that come to mind as I stroll through….
The 15 minutes were…..lets just say….long (:
I will spare the adoring crowds (: the minute details, but one beautiful nugget did emerge at the end, that I will post on this tree, to remind me in the days to come, on some future stroll….
:: to Him I offer this review for you. I place you in His charge, and let Him teach you want to do and say and think, each time you turn to Him.
:: He will not fail to be available to you, each time you call to Him to help you.
:: Let us offer Him the whole review we now begin……
A miracle is a correction. It does not create, nor really change at all. It merely looks on devastation, and reminds the mind that what it sees is false. It undoes error, but does not attempt to go beyond perception, nor exceed the function of forgiveness. Thus it stays within time’s limits. Yet it paves the way for the return of timelessness and love’s awakening, for fear must slip away under the gentle remedy it brings.
Great morning postings Anil and Tex.
I find myself only able to read the reviews here at the Village.
My workbook has remained open and untouched just inches from me – there is a great
resistance.
This too shall pass.
This is when having you all here is so comforting.
Knowing others are staying vigilant to the lessons – I can rest with no guilt.
Will remember “the not a body prayer” (:
xoxo Annie
Annie, Tex, Anil, Peggy, Nina, Bernard, Michele, Hedda, Al, Kendra, Lawrence, Richard, Pam–
My workbook rests with Annie’s, too. I just remember to love it and read or whisper the lesson each day, or at the last moment of a day when I’ve forgotten. The lessons are like a first splash of water of the morning shower. A morning ablution, sometimes just a breath of air, coompletely unspoken. Will J blame me, heh, heh… No grades, just a constant companion. Like all of you! Just like all of you!
Love love love the Course… And my BabySitter – always reminding me that I am dreaming. I like to trust J and step back and let HIM lead the way!
And every now and then, I actually do just that!
Share how that feels, tex? 🙂
Nothing in this world will ever fulfil me. July 29th. (WD shock)
I pray I remember that every moment for the rest of this incarnation.
Amen.
I just re-read this from B:
On this page I offer you the space to tell us about the stories that have stayed in your mind, times when you felt a real change occur in the way you were looking at a problem or upset. Maybe you were encountering aggressiveness in somone, or were being judged and belittled. Perhaps it was a loved one who had left you, or even a pet that had died. Or maybe there was fear, a threat in your life to you or to a loved one. In all these situations, at one time or another you have found peace beyond the pain, release from shame and sadness, and comfort and freedom in their place. There was always a presence there with you, the company of one who loves you and guides you to see differently. If you have had moments of finding that clear presence, please share it with us here.
Oh yes, stories. Great to be reminded. And I re-read my post nr 2-story – and it was exactly what I needed this morning:
2. Nina
was pondering on May 4th, 2010 at 9:27 am
Oh I have just the perfect little (?) forgiveness story…some half hour ago, I biked down at an instition for old and sick to read for them – I had made an appointment with the county-adm, and all was perfectly set up. It turned out that the ego had set that up.
So i got down there, and met one VERY confused lady who started to try to explain why I should not read after all. I was aware that this was my dream, and a wonderful opportunity to forgive myself for dreaming it and needing this – and after a few seconds a wave of gratefulness flowed in. The lady slowed down in a way, and I managed to tell her what my conditions for reading was, but i don’t think she was able to hear anything at all…I saw her fumble with the phones and fidget and the stress and I felt a great tenderness at seeing my own superstressed behavior – I got many thoughts about how brave she was for working in this tough institution, she had a disability and looked like 80, but i guess that was only the wear and tear – and the wonderful thing was that i did not feel responsible to calm her down and be helpful, I could just say stuff like ” stuff happens”, and lightly introducing the “gnome-theory” that there are invisible gnomes in all instituions who specialize in mixing up papers and driving us crazy – she liked that idea, and calmed down LOL ( and maybe I am even right about that)
well, I still feel the gratefulness – how lucky am I to KNOW that the outside is really inside, and that I today had the opportunity to forgive all of that confusion –
love to all
Nina
More true stories about shifting into LOVE – as B intended it:)
Hey, the Village returns to life!! Welcome back, everyone.
Nina, I remember that story, it was wonderful. I think you had a few others around your experiences at the home, no? They were really lovely stories. PS I’m sure you’re right about those gnomes. Gnome doubt about it. I have some mixing my papers around all the time. I think they even got into the internet recently. They gnome no boundaries. I would dislike them, if they were not a projection from my own mind, as you say. Then the gentleness returns…
My math: 6 + 9. ?? I had to think about that one! Sheesh. Age. I can handle 2+2. Everyone knows it’s 5. Or 6. It’s any number except 4.
Breathing Deeply with you Anil.
We can do the lesson plan in the Garden today.
Lesson 213
(193) All things are lessons God would have me learn.
A lesson is a miracle which God offers to me, in place of thoughts I made that hurt me. What I learn of Him becomes the way I am set free. And so I choose to learn His lessons and forget my own.
I first am aware of my pain. Then, through my new Teacher, I learn that this hurt comes from a decision I made-they are my hurtful thoughts. Now I choose to learn His lessons and forget my own. The Holy Spirit’s lessons are in my mind, but I must choose them before their beneficent effects become my experience.
JTTWB
Perhaps it would have been more mathematically elegant to do the 31 st of Aug lesson in the Garden, since Annie’s Aug 1st contribution in the Garden, but called as I am to celebrate the last day of the Salvation theme this overcast morning in Mumbai…
I think I will reflect awhile on my experiences here…
By the time the first cycle of Part II of he workbook came to an end, I was a dried up piece of husk. That was a mere 10 days ago, and when this new cycle revolving around Salvation started with a lesson 231, it was a blessed relief that morning in Tokyo.
I love many parts, many phrases in What is Salvation ?
Starting with the first sentence…”it is a promise made by God….
And the second sentence following right after…”it cannot but be kept.”
Such quiet certainty, such confidence, such unshakeable power. Real power, (not the foolish noise of the ego)
And the third sentence…”it guarantees that time will have an end…..
And continues…”and all the thoughts that have been born in time will end as well”
The peace that arose in me, each day that I read this, no matter what state of mind I awoke with, it never failed to lift my spirits.
And today this cycle ends with Lesson 240. With a most appealing articulation of something that is never justified in any form.
Ever since Gary had extracted the Anger is never justified sentence from the book in his discussions with Prsah and Arten, it had stayed with me these last 10 years. It helped me cool my anger, especially when it was made clear by J that he was not saying that I would never get angry, merely that it was never justified.
So its nice that this cycle of What is Salvation comes to an end with a variation on something else that is not justified in any form. It ties in nicely, with thoughts linking with each other, reinforcing the thought system that is the bridge to sanity.
I never want to be born into this world ever again. Yes, zi know that intellectually this world never happened, but that is not my experience yet. It is rather my experience that the world is never satisfying to me, not in its bad times certainly, but not even on good days.
I have decided unequivocally that zi never want to be born ever again, not for love of anything that the world has to offer, not even for the joys of friendship or love or money or success or great health or beautiful sunsets or gorgeous nature.
Heaven is where I must be, and I will do the hard work necessary ( and there is a lot of undoing to be done, the road ahead will not be easy..) to achieve the experience of enlightenment, of Salvation, of heaven and nothing else.
amen.
Lawrence is right, this Village has deep healing power, (because we have all collectively made it a vehicle for our liberation ? Perhaps ?)
Just sitting in the garden this morning, reflecting on my decision made last month(aug), brings a swirl of thoughts into awareness.
And just sitting with those thoughts, and wondering how the path ahead will be, brings an answer of peace.
All because this Village exists, this informal study and discussion group exists…….
It, (the Village), is a magical device to be sure, like the air I think I need to breathe, the water I think I need to drink to sustain my body, the food without which I would starve.
But as I experience myself as a body, it seems to be that I need air, water and food to make it through the day.
And perhaps like that, I need to discuss the Course, the thoughts about it, and how it affects my so-called life to make it through the day.
My thoughts drift to a fellow student in Singapore who recently reached out, or more accurately we were put in touch through Ken Boks website. I wonder if this is the week we will finally meet…I should call him…
One more to-do, and the tension ratchets up, thhe guilt starts rising to the surface, pretty soon the Gardens peaceful effect will be lost if I don’t rein my thoughts in…..
There is nowhere in the world that I am in danger, not even in my mind, no matter the severity of the guilt….
I am in danger nowhere in the world.
Amen.
Time to meditate on……
“Seek not outside yourself.
“For all your pain comes simply from a futile search for what you want, insisting where it must be found.
“What if it is not there ? Do you prefer that you be right or happy ?
Chapter 29, Section 7, paragraph 1.
—-with gratitude to Danielle Boonstra, for her blog post on MiracleShare.
Dear God, thank you for this timely pointer and the relief from the roiling pain.
amen.
The Garden, silent as usual, since Sept 14th. (I wonder if no one loads up the Garden, because it takes too long to load, now 1088 comments full, and the only Garden since the Creation of the Village in the May of 2010)…
Well, here I am, and its a reflective time on Oct 23rd morning, but just barely that. By the time I finish writing and post it will be past noon. Far, far away, in New York City, the timekeeper for this Village, and the source that brings us all together, the city still celebrates Nina birthday for a few more minutes…
Further still, Annie, Katrina, Michele, Leni (also in California ?), and Peggy farther still in Hawaii will continue to hold in love, our dear friend, Nina, bringer of the many gifts Katrina quotes through Helen’s poem.
It is an interesting time, and always a time for God. Being in the Garden brings me closer to God. And that is what I really want, even when I am tired and forget. When I have allowed the dust of the world to settle on me for too long, sometimes a few hours, sometimes a day, sometimes even a minute without God is difficult to handle.
I want to sit here And meditate on this passage…..
the third step is therefore one of protection for your mind, allowing you to identify only with the center , where God placed the altar to himself.
Altars are beliefs, but God and His creations are beyond belief, because they are beyond question.
Amen.
Sorry, thought I was done for the morning with my Village trip, but alas (;
This one was too funny, it had me laughing, where just 10 minutes I was pensive, and I just had to set it down, somewhere in the Village.
So it went like this…as I was recounting to Michele earlier, I have been reading large sections of the Text lately. And the first paragraph was…
The holy instant is the result of your determination to be holy. It is the answer . The desire and willingness to let it come precede its coming. You prepare your mind for it only to the extent of recogniZing that you want it above all else. It is not necessary that you do more; indeed, it is necessary that you realize you cannot do more.
And the last paragraph goes like this…
Forget not that it has been your decision to make everything that is natural and easy for you impossible. If you believe the holy instant is difficult for you, it is because you have become the arbiter of what is possible, and remaining unwilling to give place to One Who knows. The whole belief in orders of difficulty in miracles is centered on this.mecerything God wills is not only possible, but has already happened. And that is why the past is gone, it never happened in reality. Only in your mind, which thought it did, is its undoing needful.
And the penultimate paragraph contains the following lines….
You are still convinced that your understanding is a powerful contribution to the truth, and makes it what it is.
(:
In Annie’s post, she excerpted that very line, as being one of Kens favorites, and I had glossed over it as I read through the nights postings at the start of my day. But when I started my own reading of the Text, there it was again. Unavoidable. (:
Everything is interlinked. And planned in perfect certainty of joy. (:
The section in question is The Little Willingness, section 4 from Chapter 18 (the Passing of the Dream)
Never apologize for sharing your laughter and joy 🙂
No apology for sharing laughter and joy. but dropping the apology for monopolizing the dialogue in the Village is much harder for me (:
I’ve been working on it for 4 years now (;
But it certainly is a forgiveness opportunity, and that’s what the Garden is for. So I will follow the Garden’s guidelines…
………..and think forgiveness thoughts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wrote out a long prayer, but it seemed pretentious, so I deleted it.
Better to sit here looking at the blinking cursor, and empty my mind of all my misconceptions.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Garden, beautiful and silent, as always.
Amen.
I love long prayers – especially those that you write – so often when I read you, Anil, it seems that they are inspired – far from pretentious ( i guess that is ego’s assessment , eh:)
Nina ~ Hoping you can bake something low carb for TexAnne’s Bday celebration tomorrow.
and just as a preview…tomorrows lesson 316 claims; all gifts I give my brother (sista) are my own.
Bring out the best and lets ENJOY!
Thank you, Nina, for strengthening the Voice for God within me, I do agree that often when I write my prayers here in the Garden, I feel very close to God, sometimes I even tumble right into Him/Her, and my spirit soars free, in an expansion beyond words.
Perhaps you’re right, that it was the other voice within me, the ego, which whispered to me to delete.
I will listen more carefully next time before I move the backspace key (: and my gratitude again for reminding me to listen more carefully to my heart.
hi again, Nina.
Back in the garden after that quick phone call that interrupted my previous message to you. As i wrote “i will write later”, I thought -oh no, here comes another excuse for me to procrastinate ! (:
But I finished the phone call, and made sure I came back to this computer at the Chinese Swimming Club, next door to the apartment building where Shobha lives with my son, and where I have occasionaly inhabit a separate apartment rented by my company. (that visual is for Annie, who likes those details ! (:
It has been an interesting time, Nina, and your message came to me yesterday, and left me numb in the morning at Changi Airport. I had just arrived on an all-night flight from Mumbai to Singapore, and as is my usual custom, I logged into the Village site.
I could not fully process the content in your loving message, and later in the day, as I wrestled with some other imaginary problem in my head, your words came tumbling back in, followed by Gary’s process in Your Immortal Reality…
“You are Spirit,
Whole and Innocent,
All is forgiven and released”.
And the image of Shobha came to mind, the image of myself, sick and defeated, and in the tears that followed, as they stung my eyes, was a lightness beyond words.
The combination of your blessing and Gary’s blended together in a seamless whole. Hard to write in words, but I hope some drift of that comes through these words ! (:
I also do have some news for Michele. The deal I was working on for a long time, (5 months, by one measure, 11 months by another, 3.5 years by yet another, and 18 years by the longest measure (: came through on Nov 20th.
Even if I die, please make sure you follow up with Kumar (his email I will send you separately) and that commitment I made to you will be on your porch will be done ! (: …..(but I think it should stay between Kumar, you and me…and of course, the Village (;)
and of course, if I am alive ! (:, I will make sure it gets done. That deal is for as long as you and I are in the mortal frame in this world (:
Will call you in the next few days to discuss.
Love you all,
Anil
Hi Anil ~
Just now got around to catching up in the Garden and am dashing out. Please look for separate post from me after my evening time today.
Love,
Michele
Hi Michele,
Good to see you in the Garden. Sorry haven’t been here for a week, at first I thought that you would be posting another message here, then the other day when I logged onto email in HK (and I tend to log on more onto email in HK because of a ready office infrastructure), I saw your email. Will write back to it soon.
This morning, as most mornings, I came to the Garden to reflect and meditate. (Mornings are such a drag for me, all my thought patterns have been scrambled through the night, and I love to sleep, and not having a fixed time that I have to get up means, the tussle between sleeping and feeling guilty for sleeping and not waking up to “productive” work starts around 8 am…now it s 11am, and am finally out of bed)…although I did work till 3 am…
I am so attached to my story, its depressing ! When will I even get a glimmer of light to see, to experience that I am not a body ??
I must be too scared for that to happen. (I have Hedda and Ken to thank for bringing that awareness to me last week)
Better that I focus on my Lesson today…Forgiveness lets me see minds are joined.
A shiver runs through me as I write that.
The hotel room is really cold.
But perhaps its not the cold that makes me shiver, perhaps my unconcious mind that sees the truth of that and shudders in fear.
The Garden is for Forgiveness, for meditation….
Dear God, help me, help me experience that all is safe, that I need not fear to look within my mind, that I need not fear all the things I have to accomplish today, and time is running out….
help me see that the fear induced in my mind to hurry and get all these things done, or else….
Is but a reflection of the fear of You, of the fear of being punished by You for the sins Of commission and omission in the past.
Of all the people who feel that I have ruined their lives, or hurt them, of the Love I threw away, of the times I was harsh and judgemental and unkind, the guilt ever present, of all those fearful things I have done, and thoughts in my mind that remind me that all sin will lead to punishment,
The fear of punishment lives on within me today, and dear God, please let me see there have been kindnesses as well that I have done, so I do not fall into this pit of Fear with no escape.
And most of all, let me see that none of these things, kindnesses and harshness that I have said and done, not of these are equally untrue, because there is no individual self that exists in reality. That I am just a figure in a dream, obeying the dictates of a puppetmaster that does not want me to question my reality, that wants me to kneel in submission at its altar, and forget that You exist.
God is dead, the puppetmaster whispers, for it cannot shriek and scream anymore. We’re it to speak any more bluntly I would certainly ask it how it could know what God is ? Since it is so certain that God is dead.
No, it can but whisper, because reason is on my side. And the puppetmaster cannot answer my questions in any sensible way beyond the first one or two questions,
God is a Thought, just like all these thoughts I write unceasingly in this Garden, and Thoughts do not die.
But certainly some thoughts are true, and some are not. For if I accept into my mind every thought without question, I will never find my salvation. There is a central thought that will continue to scramble my thoughts day and night, and keep away from it any sense of cohesion, of consistency.
And whatever else God must be, He must be cohesive, He must be consistent. A whimsical God would be cruel indeed, and I do not believe in cruelty.
28 minutes of writing and thinking in the Garden. I must make my way to the office now.
The fear has abated, the Garden has slowed my breathing yet again.
I am grateful for this little Oasis in the desert of my life…
Hee, hee, I found my way to the garden. I really only know how to navigate theu the ponderings list.
The last couple days i’ve been considering this receiving what you give thing. Lots of ‘imaginary’ things being purchased in my ‘imagined’ life for people i am ‘imagining’. When i give a gift it does generate a feeling in the receiver that comes from their heart, and that heart feeling is what i get back. Makes perfect sense if those warm and joyful thoughts are what is real, rather than the gift being what is real.
Hey Anil, I guess I missed this post of yours you left us in the Garden of Forgiveness. I still feel the quietening effect of your words, the drawing inside to that deep place of communion with our Father. We are, indeed, safe. You came to the right place (in your mind), that’s clear. Thanks for sharing that with us.
Hi Katrina, yes, I guess many of us are involved in seeking out the perfect imaginary gift right now. I like the idea that it’s the warm and joyful thoughts that are real.
Glad that you enjoyed the process of reading it, Bernard. (I enjoyed reading it a second time too).
It’s funny, but before you commented on it, I re-read my own post after reading Katrina’s comment immediately preceding yours, and thought….hmm… (:……maybe I should have skipped writing what I did.
And with your affirmation of its benefit to you, I’m thinking…hmmmm…. (: maybe its good that I wrote it down.
Don’t you love duality ? (: