Garden
The Quiet Garden of Forgiveness
Love, too, would set a feast before you, on a table covered with a spotless cloth, set in a quiet garden where no sound but singing and a softly joyous whispering is ever heard. T-19.IV.A.16:1
“There is a garden at the foot of this lovely statue with masses and masses of soft white lilies and little paths between to slowly walk and talk with Jesus. There is a fountain nearby and the forever trickling sound of water reminds us to leave the desert of wrong-minded thinking.” (Winnie)
Forgiveness is truly at the heart of the practice of A Course In Miracles. All of us have had moments of shifting our perception of a difficult situation, and finding peace. On this page I offer you the space to tell us about the stories that have stayed in your mind, times when you felt a real change occur in the way you were looking at a problem or upset. Maybe you were encountering aggressiveness in somone, or were being judged and belittled. Perhaps it was a loved one who had left you, or even a pet that had died. Or maybe there was fear, a threat in your life to you or to a loved one. In all these situations, at one time or another you have found peace beyond the pain, release from shame and sadness, and comfort and freedom in their place. There was always a presence there with you, the company of one who loves you and guides you to see differently. If you have had moments of finding that clear presence, please share it with us here.
A little more technically speaking, these would be moments when you reversed the projection and saw that the problem was not outside you, but with you, your perceptions and thoughts. A sudden moment of clarity perhaps when you saw that the upset was having pushed Love away, and not really what was happening outside you. Or perhaps it was just a moment when despite the upset or problem, you felt safely accompanied and that helped you remain unaffected by the problem, to get a little distance from it.
Please try to write concisely if your story requires a lot of explaining (and teach me something about brevity!). Also, please try to share from the heart and not from the head. It is always nice to hear the simple sincerity behind these inspiring stories.
Ohh Anil I’m sorry to hear Shobha isn’t feeling well. And feeling that way so far away from home just adds to the anxiety. My first thought however was that she must be grateful to have you right next to her and not away on a business trip. I’m assuming that bedrest and fluids is what was recommended.
And please forgive me but one thought that raced through my head at a super quick speed but I saw it and now I have to ask…you didn’t take her to Columbia University Hospital did you? I’m sure you would have mentioned it if you did. I’m hoping to dispell any anxiety by laughing at the irony of it all. If its too soon to joke let me know; I know we are just getting to know each other so if I’m pushing the envelope here with my humour please forgive me.
Hugs to you both and a wink to baby. All is well.
Annie
Thanks, Nina –
Assume you mean that this technique is to handle the fever that S is experiencing ?
Annie dear –
No worries on the humor. It’s never too early to laugh. (:
Nope, that would have been funny indeed, if we did end up at the CU Hospital. We did find an excellent doctor in the area though – very meticulous, and thorough in his approach. And I think S enjoys time with him much more than me.
I don’t blame her for that – I’m not the most sympathetic of people with regard to health issues, whether mine or anothers. I tend to laugh off all illnesses when they happen to me, and quickly forget when I was unwell.
Have never gone to the doctors in about 15+years (watch me go to hell over the next 40 years of my life as I start living in a wheelchair- the gods of health are not enjoying this particular diatribe from me (: )
Anyway, this ridiculous attitude of mine(and I can’t help but call it ridiculous, even as I write this) makes it very difficult for me to empathize with those who are unwell. In time, over the last 10+years, I have become marginally better, but the key word there is marginal. Anyway, enough about me – it’s boring.
She’s better now – lots of fluids and rest are all that’s recommended. And also she has been cleared for travel as well, as long as she feels upto it. And so most likely we depart next week for either my parents place or my sister(and her family’s) place. S will make the final call on that.
I really don’t know what I would do without this Village, where I can speak freely and count on what seems like unconditional support that streams through the electrons here. (this particular post of mine may rub a lot of people reading it the wrong way, and i apologize for the same. please forgive me)
Lots of thoughts from the Course have been floating through my mind. One of the key ones is “Do you like what you have made ?” (I don’t know whether this line strikes a chord with any/all of you). It’s probably one of the least important lines in the course, perhaps ?, and yet it’s been in my mind a lot these last few days.
When the thought comes in my mind, there’s also a feeling of some Presence that’s behind that thought. And it’s a kind Presence. Like it’s not making fun of me at what I have made (as I view my earthly life/situation), but it’s asking me, gently, sincerely, earnestly — “Do you like what you have made ?”
I have to laugh when this happens. Clearly the thought/Presence that asks me this knows that my answer is “no”. I’d have to even more completely insane than I am to like what i view of my life as i have ‘made’ it.
Yes, that Presence is a good teacher,and I’m grateful it speaks to me.
Take care, you all.
Love.
“Do you like what you have made?” It resonates quite often for me. I’m not sure there could be any such thing as a least important line in the Course. Maybe just some that I am more willing to look at than others on any given day. Hugs to all.
Pam I like what you said in regard to Anil’s reoccuring Course line. Pick a line, any line and sit with it for a minute, a day, a year, a lifetime. It’s all about the ‘willingness’ and anyone visiting this site is at least willing and that alone is a miracle isn’t it? So what’s the next step? If two or more are gathered what is it that we wish to create here in the Village? Yes, we all want to go home but we may be rushing this a bit (ok I know I’m rushing it). Dare I say I would like to see some miracles of healing. Shobha fever gone. Pam’s cancer gone. Katrina’s pain gone. Annie’s emotional pain removed. DNA healed. Memories of abuse recalled with no pain attached. Is that asking too much? Are we not supposed to ask for this? I promise not to judge if things don’t work out the way I wish but I want to at least ask.
To be in a place where a Presence is sensed behind the thought; Anil that sounds to me like the heart and mind communicating. The beginings of a “holy trinity” if you will. An alchemy taking form where the last step is taken by the Holy Spirit to complete. I wish to try at least once to ask out loud here in the village my intent for a healing. I will start by stating that I see Shobha’s fever gone. She is free of this ailment and will enjoy this family vacation with a renewed energy. I send all the love in my heart to this family as they have traveled a great distance to unite with their loved ones, may this reunion give strength and joy to all.
And so it is.
Amen
Heads up EveryOne…It’s LA Annie’s Birthday on August 18th!!! She’d like Tiramisu for her cake and we’ll have fun thinking of how to celebrate her!!!
Anil and Villagers ~
I join Annie’s wish for Shoba’s fever to be gone and vacation resumed! Excited about the baby “Do you like what you have made?” Clearly I do but at least I know I made it and that I can also look, smile and judge not with J by my side.
When I checked in briefly on July 22nd I hadn’t read about some major challenges folks were having! I send my love and admiration to you Pam with how you’ve handled your second macestomy, and the fire. I send my love to Ruth Anne and your daughter and hope she is healing well.
Just writing a short not for now Big Heaps of Love to Everyone xoxox
Michele
Hiya Michele
I’ll get the Tiramisu –
Make a birthday wish, Annie dear!
Course line?
I thought it said “Chorus Line”
I was going to start singing
“What I Did For Love” !!
Heading to the fireside to start decorating.
oops before I go Thanks Michele I’m feeling better.
Anil, we have lots in common, aside from a fetish for big blue books. I love chick flicks, and I cry more than Pat! (which makes her smile) I’m not sure if Jesus approves of my crying every time there’s a happy/peaceful ending/resolution after some trial, but then again maybe he cries along with me, too! He can be such a sop sometimes. Glad he joins me where I am.
I loved Avatar for that same mushy reason (girl and boy live happily ever after) and loved the symbolism that everything forms one interconnected Whole, even if the emphasis was on form (or was it?).
Loved Anil’s line: Do you like what you have made? I guess my first response however would be, Hell Yeah! bring it on! And the second response would be, Could you give me more of the same but without the pain, frustration and sadness. Then Jesus would say, No can do – the main (separation) meal (read: crumbs) comes always with the same (painful) trimmings. Then I’d say, Shucks, okay, well it really wasn’t that much fun, I’m sure your version of the main meal would be nicer anyway.
Actually, I practice a similar thought nearly every day which is, “Do you like how you’re feeling?” It helps me get past my ego’s tendencies to look at my outside condition (do you like what you have made) to see if I’m happy. Typically I’m not even aware how I’m feeling, and when I do look, nearly every single time I see that I’m looking at something outside to determine how I’m feeling inside. Eg. “Yeah, I’m happy, this is a nice café. This is a nice beach, there aren’t too many people. Yeah, my wife’s being nice and patient, etc.” And then I get to see that the way I’m feeling doesn’t really have anything to do with these things – it’s just coming from a totally unconscious choice on my part to feel separated or connected. Often even when the outside is looking really great, if I look carefully, I can sense a dis-ease, a slight discomfort inside, something that’s not really totally at peace. Sometimes I can get this even stronger when the outside is really great, such as when there’s a village festival and I’m out dancing with Pat. I think at these times it’s because I’m really investing in the outside in order to prove that everything is fine in my world. But it can never be fine in my world if I’m completely absorbed by the outside – that’s just not possible. Don’t get me wrong, I know how to let go and have a ‘good time’ and not give myself a head trip. But I always, always, feel better if at these times I remember that the real reason I feel good is because there is a constant inner Presence to which I belong and which is the heart and soul of my existence, into which my individual existence disappears and blends as one.
Tiramisu is on the way!!
(Chorus Line – hehe! Like ‘I had a dream’? What I did for love – double hehe!)
Kiss today goodbye,
The sweetness and the sorrow.
Wish me luck, the same to you.
But I can’t regret
What I did for love, what I did for love.
Look my eyes are dry.
The gift was ours to borrow.
It’s as if we always knew,
And I won’t forget what I did for love,
What I did for love.
Gone,
Love is never gone.
As we travel on,
Love’s what we’ll remember.
Kiss today goodbye,
And point me t’ward tomorrow.
We did what we had to do.
Won’t forget, can’t regret
What I did for
Love
What I did for
Love
What I did for…
Love
Love is never gone
As we travel one
Love’s what we’ll remember
Kiss today goodbye.
And point me t’ward tomorrow.
Point me t’ward tomorrow
We did what we had to do.
Won’t forget, can’t regret
What I did for love.
What I did for love.
What I did for love
Love
Maybe a little karaoke for the festivities 🙂
Thank you very much – I’ll be here all week ladies and gents!
Be sure and try the shrimp – it’s outta this world.
And don’t forget to tip your waiters and waitresses!
*rimshot*
I stole — I mean borrowed that line, too.
But it works every time!
So for the last 3-4 months I think, I have been dreaming an increasing stiffening in the neck, dispersed with stinging pain, and the area of the stiffness, almost like ice-flakes, have been increasing, and the ice has become thicker. The last 2 days my head was starting to become ice too – or more like ice-fog – the mental capacity was gone, all I could do was cry and moan and pray to God for help help help. Vaguely I heard a faint voice telling me that to say yes to all of this would be good – just allow it to be as it was. Hearing this, the catastrophe-thinking abated a bit – enough to allow me to work through difficulties in a relationship that bothered me big time. We managed that – and suddenly I felt about 50% better.
I was dreading the night – lying down was not good for this neck/back/head – but all of a sudden, it felt delicious.
I had a night which was filled with CLEAR dreams. It was devoid of chaos. I would like that sentence to be written in gold. The atmosphere was of PURITY. Everything and everyone had a sacred space around them, and the space was respected. Being in that space was pure healing. I was waking up in intervals, and thankfulness was pouring out of me: all the stiffness – well almost – was evaporated.
Did this miracle of healing in the mind,showing up as healing in the body, come just because I said yes? I sense that in that yes there was a letting go, an awakening – the dream said “now this will be the end of you, you are surely dying” and the yes said yes to the process, knowing that whatever happened, I was safe.
What is most wonderful for me is the times where I stop believing that the pain and sensations mean that I am dying. An old deep fear that haunts me still is to be stuck in hell in the space between incarnations.I see how helpful the Course’ teaching is in addressing this old fear of mine: ego evaluates – Holy Spirit accepts. I’ll dowse a quote now from my wise-word-book:
“These feelings of anger and fear and resentment are just a shield of confusion I am using against Love. They’re just a barrier I am holding against the calm space that is all around me right now. I could feel this great peacefulness here and now, but I’ve chosen instead to experience this upset and distress. Yes, I just became afraid again of Love, that’s all, no biggie, and I need to do so no more.”
Oh my, what a beautiful synchronicity. How wonderful I have arranged all for myself: either I can listen to Blue directly – OR I have His words in my note-books.
And now I truly know how beautiful it is to rest in that calm space.
I am so blessed
Blessings Nina and may this peace increase a hundred fold.
{{{Nina}}}
Hugs to you, Nina. Like Annie, I pray that your peace unfolds gently as a quiet dawn over the sea. Many blessings.
{{{{Nina}}}} Great!!!
Dear sweet Nina!
Ahhh, {Nina}, this thought is all I need for a birthday gift. “These feelings of anger and fear and resentment are just a shield of confusion I am using against Love. They’re just a barrier I am holding against the calm space that is all around me right now. I could feel this great peacefulness here and now, but I’ve chosen instead to experience this upset and distress. Yes, I just became afraid again of Love, that’s all, no biggie, and I need to do so no more.” I’m thinking it might have been from Jamie, or from someone in a grotto far away, what with the ‘no biggie’ and all.
I don’t like coming to this room because it means I’m about to let something go and I like to do that secretly while no one is watching. But I have learned that when I ask a brother or sister to witness the event, chances of it sticking are much greater. The Catholic’s called it going to confession, today’s language is going to Therapy. I figured we are pioneers here releasing our toxic emotions in the Forgiveness Room where they can not escape and cause additional harm. Thank God for Blog sites…International depositories of grief. (so much more economical however I am always mindful to leave a small donation for the monthly disposal fee, which reminds me we are already in September).
So yes what is my confession…I forgot to laugh yesterday when I noticed my 16 year old soon to be 17 year old son had a neck full of hickies! My stomach turned inside out and I wanted to hide (it’s always about Annie). There is something so unnerving to me seeing my children as sexual creatures. Tonight is Orientation at what will be a new school for him this Fall and it looks like someone tried to ring his neck! Talk about first impressions. So yeah forgiveness/radical acceptance is always the name of the game.
Thanks for listening and if there are any quick fixes out there please don’t hesistate to forward.
annie dear friend –
no quick fixes that i can think of. but it does take me back to my first kiss at 17/18, and boy they were fun days (:
(not that i want to go back and relive – much rather move forward from 41 and waiting to turn 75 instead, but that’s probably another ego ploy in disguise)
but i digress, you see – how i turned your post into one about me (: – and you thought the world revolved around annie – actually it revolves around anil (;
hugs and best wishes, dear friend – may the unnerving thoughts/feelings disappear like a bad dream..
love,
a
hmmm,Looks like some ‘body’ (girlfriend) felt the need to “mark her territory” (His body) to warn off any other bodies at his new school, in her unconscious and teenage – fear based way, in an effort not to lose what she see’s as her ‘savior’/knight in shining armour.
Written in the most light hearted way I could manage. (-:
Yes Pam…believe me if it wasn’t my son I would think this is so wonderfully entertaining. Just when I think I’ve gotten over my body I find I’m very much attached to my childrens bodies…(younger better looking models of me) like a new car you get all upset with the first scratch. Like other signs that he is leaving his childhood behind… I guess its just one more validation that his heart doesn’t belong entirely to me anymore.
Speaking of signs & of moving on I wonder how the wedding was up in Colorado for Laura’s daughter. We should be hearing about that real soon.
I think the wedding is next weekend.
Thank you all for hugs here and in the candle-cave. They feel like a soft and loving balm, reminding me that I am loved and Love.
I just saw for the 2.time the Kite Runner…what an extraordinary wonderful story of forgiveness. This scene, when Amir has accused his friend of stealing, since he cannot bear to look at him and feel his shame for not helping him, and want to send him away – and as Hassan gets the question “did you steal Amir’s watch?” he looks at Amir one second to find out what is going on – and say “yes.”
It reminds me of the Course-saying that we should give our brother what is important for him, even thought it might be outrageous…
wonderful wonderful film.
“What is love?”
“The total absence of fear,” said the Master.
“What is it we fear?”
“Love,” said the Master.” Anthony de Mello, Jesuit Priest
I have discovered an effective way of forgiving – got it from “Forgiveness is the Home of Miracles” by Robyn Busfield: I offer up the body of the person I feel some grievance for – any reaction at all, I mean- visualize the body in a helium-balloon, let go of the balloon, see it rise into the sky – and only the sacred essence of that someone is left. And I join with that.
It works wonders. Just did it with the photo of 90-year old John Demaniuk, “The butcher from Treblinka”, now on trial. His photo scared me – until I did this.
Okay, Nina, i just put my sprawled out still sleeping unemployed college grad son into one of those balloon and am watching it rise into the sky. Deep breath, release. Look back at the bed, and see only his sacred essence glowing there. Now, put me, worried/searching-intellect-for-solutions/ identifier-of-serious-problems, into another balloon, let go, it’s rising . . . test results to follow.
And in sync, as it should be, is Q&Q 515 today. This comes just as you are grokking Carolyn Myss’s Defying Gravity murmurings, too.
“In the end, however, if one’s spiritual path is enhanced by both the Kabbalah and A Course in Miracles, then who is to say that is a mistake? “By their fruits you shall know them” remains the only criterion that matters. If the combined practice of these two spiritualities leads to a life of peace and love, then one would be a fool not to pursue it.”
love, katrina
I notice in reading the above, that i put the boy in the balloon, and watched it rise, but seemed to have skimmed over the let go part. hmmmm.
And Katrina –
Your reference to 515 took me to 516 today. And how full of love, compassion and gentleness is Ken’s voice. And it ends with my favorite: “Forget this world, forget this course, and come with wholly empty hands unto your God”
Amen,
a
Amen
Sorry, Katrina, I missed your wonderful message yesterday. Putting things into real-time action is a sure test. So nice, so lovely that you share that with us. I, for one, would love to be kept up to date on how things are going with you and your son.
I gasped when I read Michele’s posting about Dreamy’s passing. It’s not what I was expecting to wake up to…which of course made me think that clearly I have expectations and I wasn’t even aware of that. Our head of security changed form and all I could think of was “what happened” “too young” “Unfair” ” I’m scared”!!!!
OK deep Breath.
I went to The Song Site to see if there was any annoucement there but found only a poem by Jamie which of course spoke volumes. Then I turned to the question of the day and it seemed to guide me to where my thoughts should go. I copy and pasted part of it here. Seems on Topic in light of this news of Dreamy.
“Interest in specifics is the stage of spiritual childhood, the beginning of a very long spiritual process that is aimed at helping us reach the top of the ladder where specifics become meaningless, including our specific identity as individuals. Referring again to the first section in the companion pamphlet to the Course, Jesus says that what we truly want is the song itself, nothing but God’s Love. That is the real content of the answers we experience as specific guidance. He is training us to gravitate more to that content, rather than the form of the answer. We tend to fall in love with the specialness of receiving specific guidance and thereby miss the content, which is what would make us happy and peaceful all the time, regardless of external conditions. It is in this spirit that Jesus asks the rhetorical questions: “What could His answer be but your remembrance of Him? Can this be traded for a bit of trifling advice about a problem of an instant’s duration? God answers only for eternity” (S.I.4:5,6,7). Granted, Jesus’ perspective far transcends ours when he appeals to us this way, but all he is doing is inviting us to join him there because he knows how much more at peace we would be, and because that is where we truly belong.”
Peace be with You all today
Annie
Does anyone have a photo of Dreamy we could put up in a Forgiveness Gallery?
Thanks Annie for posting this here. I read it in the morning at the Remembered Song and thought exactly the same as you. I was really concerned about Jamie and Bonnie, and reading this calmed me down. We are just one the form is meaningless. And learning this again and again is what at the end well liberate us all. My love for Jamie, Bonnie, Dreamy and all of you.
Bernard, the last post on that page is from september -?
Today I forgive my obvious resistance. I see this unconscious pattern developing when I get anxious, I can’t sleep. Which then conveniently sets me up to be too tired the next day to deal with what is waiting for me to do and I make a logical and reasonable decision to post pone or delay an action that inevitably will be waiting for me. I’m onto you mini me!!!
So yeah didn’t sleep well and I’m in a bit of a fog so I’ll spare you all what is bound to be mindless chatter this morning and just say; See you Sunday. Even if I’m not out of the fog by then (which is only resistance thinly veiled) I will have my bells on to celebrate Michele’s B-Day. After all she gave a heads up to you all before my B-day rolled around so don’t disappoint my friends and start making some noise for our effervescent Michele with one ‘L’
Annie: Looking for you at the Fireplace to have coffee and you were here forgiving. Good work!! Any time we are willing to forgive, even a small chunk of our resistance, is great. Preparing for Sunday!
Much love, Lisi
I want to share this day’s blog with you. Forgiveness played out in front of me: yet another bus-forgiveness opportunity (yabfo)
On the bus to town, I pull out of my purse this little card that I have laminated. It is from Robin Busfield’s book, “Forgiveness is the Home of Miracles:”
“When I see another who is lost and having difficulty finding their way, I have to realize that person is me and they are a projection of how I am feeling.Lately, when I see another creating pain for themselves, I am beginning to take responsibility by saying, “I am doing this to myself.” An alcoholic,bum, beggar, abuser – this is a part of my wrong mind. That person is me doing it to myself.”
In this moment, two very drunk men are entering the bus. It is early in the morning, and the driver, maybe a Muslim, looks unapprovingly on the men. The youngest does not have enough money, and the driver is looking angry and firm. I sense fear, something seems to escalate, the young man start to loose it. I say inside to the three of them, and mean it with all my heart:
“You are Spirit, heal and whole and innocent. All is forgiven and released.” I ask H.S for help to see all the men as innocent, knowing that I ask to see myself as the same.
One minute. The elder man pays for the younger man, and puts his arm protectively around his shoulder. And out of the blue the driver turns, look s at the younger stoned man and says: “You are a good boy.”
There is a clear shift in the atmosphere. All fear is gone. A weird and wonderful conversation starts between the young man and the driver, and then the driver tells the boy that he will take him out to dinner. He also tells him again that it is not good to drink so much so early in the morning, and asks him why he did that – and the man says” I have lost my sweetheart. Then you’ll understand that I am sad – right?” the driver nods, and calls him a good boy, a clever boy. I t feels like the boy has got a good father. All aggression has melted off him, and the drunken trance has lifted remarkably. When he entered, he was so drunk that he could not stand.
When he leaves the bus, he and the driver shake hands, and the young man thanks him many times.
My heart is open. A new young man enters and takes the seat beside me. He turns to me and smiles a beatific smile.
Nina, an absolutely wonderful story! Such a lovely episode of forgiveness. Now that’s a nice bus story – seems that’s really the place for miracles, eh?
I have read this several times on your blog and several times here and it just leaves me speechless, in a good way, everytime. Love the quote from Robin. I am trying to do that when I look at the news reports.
Pumpkins, just want to share –
in june 1984, I attended a Primal retreat with dr Janov and staff here in Norway. On the second day, I had a strange experience when something happened with my sleep and I was completely gone – total black – the whole night. never happened before. And after that, i did not sleep for 7 days. I took all kind of drugs, nothing helped. AndI remember the feeling of crushing pressure from the mind those nights, and since then I started to sleep – at the most 3-4 hours pr night.
The day before yesterday and yesterday I experienced the same tensions, and now I remember that awful week. Fear is mounting.
So I read B’s notes from the judgment-workshop:
Again we begin with that basic thought of judgment: I have betrayed and abandoned the Love of God. I have turned my back on it, usurped it, stolen it. And the guilt is so overwhelming over what I’ve done that it automatically leads to the terror that God or Love is going to attack me back. So to escape, I take all the guilt and terror and project it outside me, and make up an idol. I say something outside me has attacked. I am not the one who did it; someone else did; someone else is the murderer.
And all we have to do is look at this whole scenario for what it is.
What it is is only a belief. I really find useful ken’s advise to look at the premises for the belief, and find them lacking truth and reality. So I think what is connected to my fear is a memory of the first terror we/the son of god/ experienced when we BELIEVED that the terror came from truth, and that this terror I now may be mirroring by my terror each night of falling asleep – I really think it might be that first shock we got.
And if it is not, at least it feels good and peaceful to forgive myself for believing in the TMI, seeing the judgment I made of myself as a guilty horrible sinner and ask Jesus to release that belief for me.
Hello All,
What a wonderful site–thanks Bernard! And I’d also like to thank my friend from the DU (Disappearance of the Universe) yahoo group, Nina, for inviting me to visit. She suggested I might post an ‘update’ as to how my life has gone since I moved to Seattle at the end of February, which is also when I made my last post at Jamie’s old site.
Well, lets see. At the end of February, after a four day journey by train from Indiana, I found myself sitting in the Seattle Greyhound Bus Station with two suitcases, a backpack, and literally $2 to my name. I knew no one here and had little idea where to find shelter or even food. But I also knew that I had a Friend Who, if I would just show a “little willingness” and trust, would help me to see this situation differently.
So I forgave it and chose to look at it with the gentle Guidance/helping hand of the HS/Jesus. I didn’t do this with the ‘expectation’ that anything in form would change (if it did, great, if it didn’t, great), but instead with the trust that I could see it differently, from a perspective of inner peace and with the Vision of Christ (at least a little bit). And so I did.
Well, I ended up in a ‘hard-core’ homeless/’street-person’ shelter, which, to this midwestern, middle-class guy was definitely an eye-opener, and rife with forgiveness opportunities too. And so I did.
I spent 10 days there before moving to a place called the Veterans Transitional Program (VTP). It was much cleaner/safer/more pleasant, although still plenty of forgiveness opportunities (aren’t there always? lol). I spent the next five months there, and while there applied for a pension from the Veterans Administration and assistance with finding an apartment.
And, on the 2nd day of August, I was notified that my application for a VA pension had been approved AND that the apartment I had looked at was available for immediate occupancy (and while I felt ‘pleased’ about this turn of events, I also felt somewhat ‘detached’ from it –- as if the outcome in form just didn’t really ‘matter’). I moved in the next day.
So, can I say that I experienced only a deep sense of inner peace and saw everything with the Vision of Christ during all of this? No, of course not. But I did have a few ‘glimpses’ of Truth. And I do seem to be having a ‘happier’ dream –- irregardless of the form it seems to take.
Sorry this is so long. ‘Brevity’ is definitely NOT one of my nicknames (but my middle name IS ‘Procrastination’– lol).
Peace&Love,
Rick
Love to see you here,Rick! I remember you talked about moving and doing as a job caretaking,since you had so good and long experience from taking care of your mother all those years – are you doing that,maybe?
Rick, great to see you here! And what a great post. Such balance and honesty. Many thanks, and good luck with your new Washingtonian life which sounds like it’s already working out pretty well.
Hello Rick the post was not long at all. I want to hear more about your experiences and how you see and feel the world around you. Sending love and Blessings your way.
After that great roller-coaster yesterday when the cabin was going up up up, it curiously fell down again, well what goes up mus come down, and i was prepared, yessir – BUT it wasn’t a whole nights madness, only about 6 hours – and I found out something: the suffering identity felt so good because I had suffered so much the day before – therefore she felt she had deserved it… I can see this going on, deep under, as a leitmotiv (don’t know the English word, Anne please translate)- joy is payed with suffering, and suffering is a noble way to pay off karma and your evil ways) – I saw these thoughts coming up, and I could accept them and look at them, and see how seriously “she” takes them – no wonder “she” is scared of peace, when it is paid with this kind of hell –
I get to forgive that I think “she/me” is real, and that I believe this story is true – if not, it is really very well faked, but so is the world, right – a big very real-looking fake sumthin, of which I seem to be a part – ( and if you see a way that I could forgive that I haven
‘t mentioned yet, please give me a clue)
(Rufus, come, come – I want you as a boa around my shoulders – there.Breathe a little easier
((and WHO embroidered “love from the Village” on my new quilt? that is SOO wonderful – like sleeping in the arms of you know who ( Mary)
Hi Rick, So good to hear from you. Hugs
Nice to see you Rick….glad things have improved for you…big hugs
Nina …Ken talks about the leitmotif {his spelling} in his workshops on the Text so i thought i would like to write out {as accurately as possible] what he says, `cause i thought it was really cool that i have only heard the word twice, first by Ken and now by you and you are both acimers…{smiles}
He says the Text is phenomenal as a work of art both in content and form and goes on to talk about various aspects of the form, including its symphonic elements.
Leitmotif is a German word that means leading motif. Wagner used it brilliantly over and over to heighten the drama of the story.
He did not invent it but he certainly perfected it in his music dramas in a way that no one before or since has done.
Wagner would take certain musical themes that would be associated with characters or things like a sword or gold. In his more mature works these became much more abstract. He had leitmotifs for faith or yearning or death. Each time these would appear and reappear in his works,they would undergo subtle changes to mirror the change in the drama – changes in the harmony, colouration of the theme and rhythm, the intervals he used in the octave and pitch etc-and all these would be meaningful.
In the course you find the same thing. For example, there is one very powerful English word that is used sparingly in the Course – “wrest” meaning to seize something. Its almost always used in English in a kind of hostile way rather than in a kindly way. In the special relationship section in chapter 16 Jesus says “You think it safer to endow the little self you made with power you wrested from truth, triumphing over it and leaving it helpless”
Later in chapter 23 Jesus uses it in a much more powerful and dramatic way enhanced by wonderful alliteration -> “What is this precious thing, this priceless pearl, this hidden secret treasure, to be wrested in righteous wrath from this most treacherous and cunning enemy.”
Ken says none of this is essential in helping our understanding or living the Course but it is helpful to get us to appreciate the wonderful work of art that the Course is.
Winnie, NICE explanation of leitmotif. I happened to have to speak german with my husband for the first 4 years, since I did not speak Czech and he did not speak english – and he talked about leitmotif all the time, in dramas and authorships ( and in music of course) (he was not a professor for nothing) and now I find the concept useful in looking for clients/students leitmotifs – we all have them
*