Garden
The Quiet Garden of Forgiveness
Love, too, would set a feast before you, on a table covered with a spotless cloth, set in a quiet garden where no sound but singing and a softly joyous whispering is ever heard. T-19.IV.A.16:1
“There is a garden at the foot of this lovely statue with masses and masses of soft white lilies and little paths between to slowly walk and talk with Jesus. There is a fountain nearby and the forever trickling sound of water reminds us to leave the desert of wrong-minded thinking.” (Winnie)
Forgiveness is truly at the heart of the practice of A Course In Miracles. All of us have had moments of shifting our perception of a difficult situation, and finding peace. On this page I offer you the space to tell us about the stories that have stayed in your mind, times when you felt a real change occur in the way you were looking at a problem or upset. Maybe you were encountering aggressiveness in somone, or were being judged and belittled. Perhaps it was a loved one who had left you, or even a pet that had died. Or maybe there was fear, a threat in your life to you or to a loved one. In all these situations, at one time or another you have found peace beyond the pain, release from shame and sadness, and comfort and freedom in their place. There was always a presence there with you, the company of one who loves you and guides you to see differently. If you have had moments of finding that clear presence, please share it with us here.
A little more technically speaking, these would be moments when you reversed the projection and saw that the problem was not outside you, but with you, your perceptions and thoughts. A sudden moment of clarity perhaps when you saw that the upset was having pushed Love away, and not really what was happening outside you. Or perhaps it was just a moment when despite the upset or problem, you felt safely accompanied and that helped you remain unaffected by the problem, to get a little distance from it.
Please try to write concisely if your story requires a lot of explaining (and teach me something about brevity!). Also, please try to share from the heart and not from the head. It is always nice to hear the simple sincerity behind these inspiring stories.
Hi Rick, nice to see you here again!
Nice explanation for leitmotif Winnie. I heard the word a lot because my father was german and was really fond of Wagner´s music and in general to all classic musicians. Later I heard it from Ken as you and I think I like the word,I find significance in it, I don´t know if it is because I always remember my father with it.
Lots of hugs,
Lisi
Quick stop at the forgiveness corner to deposit a confession before I go off with Lisi.
Just got up and made my coffee, fed the dog…well actually its the other way around. I feed Max first or I would never enjoy my brew. Ok nothing to really confess there just setting the stage. Anywho, had a very telling dream basically helping me to let go of my parents (you know the final earthly goodbye). I allowed myself to have a nervous breakdown in the dream state so as not to inconvenience anyone in this dreamscape. Some might call that controlling…I look at it as Kindness 🙂 The dream I know was fueled by my last minute correspondences with my sister in Portland where dad is still dragging his heals with all the flight arrangements. ( I sent him and mom to Portland Oregon for the last 10 days then onward to Cleveland Ohio for the Christmas Holidays). He’s so powerful he created a major storm front to move through the Great Lakes area…so I’m keeping on top of the news with possible flight cancellations. He has to change planes in Chicago and I swear to God if he gets stuck at that airport it will be an ego dream come true in helping him rub that in my face. But I am just as powerful as my father…(both of us bending the ear of the Big Guy in Heaven-he with the old fashion way of praying: please send a lightning bolt to burn my daughter in the ass…me with and my new fangled forgiveness formula of …I could see peace instead of this. Nevertheless, I’m lighting a candle for a green light (can you hear the doubt in my thinking… soo loud …but I have to forgive that too…stupid formula!). I’m sure our colliding egos will toss the aircraft about but I have no doubt it will land safely. Then I’ll just get ready for the onslaught of venom based gossip about what kind of daughter puts her ailing parents on a flight to the frigid mid-west while she is strolling the Venice boardwalk enjoying 80 degree temps. (ALL TOGETHER NOW—-I COULD SEE PEACE INSTEAD OF THIS). Reminds me about what you wrote Bernard how if we just say it LOUDER then maybe it will sink in.
Say 10 Hail Mary’s and the Act of Contrition and sin no more. That’s what I hear in my head but my heart says not so fast.
Heck, Annie – that’s one heckuva intense experience to be going through these days !! Yikes ):
may everything work out as best as possible for all of you – you, your sister, your husband, your parents, and everyone else —
Lisi is perfect company – it’ll be a great relief to hang out with her. Tell her I said Hi.
a*-Thanks for sending wishes for best possible outcome . Just heard that there is engine trouble and the flight out of Portland rescheduled so they will be missing their connecting flight to Cleveland. Should I laugh or cry? Don’t answer that good people of the acimvillage.
I just needed to tell someone.
also just saw some spelling errors in my previous post …arrggg.
Annie, think we are going through similar situations, in my case with my mother. She is really a “special” mother and, of course, she is always the guilty one. So, I am holding tight to the 534. “I am never upset for the reason I think” and “I could see peace instead of this” and it is a good idea, I am going to try it today “I COULD SEE PEACE”!!!!
By the way, I saw the Mayor taking out of the oven some more croissants, and also he left some pomegranate juice, can you imagine? Invite a* and lets make a party at the fireside.
Lots of hugs and much, much love,
Lisi
Lisi
Annie, precious images —
please send a lightning bolt to burn my daughter in the ass…
onslaught of venom based gossip…
80 degrees? Well, maybe last week, but your guilt (and father’s prayers) may have brought on this incoming storm.
I so wanted to be in Portland Oregon this last 10 days as my sister begins treatment after her lumpectomy. But instead, I’ll be going to my own super specialist in one of LA’s premier medical campuses. And just to dance on both sides of the street, and joining with Nina and Laura’s mixing it up, I met with a medical intuitive last week. Loved her and her energy balancing and much kinder diagnosis.
Watching the ships roll in,
then I watch watch them roll away again.
Love to all, katrina
Katrina !!
Was just wondering where you are. And here you are (:
{Annie}
ps. Oops, methinks I’m turning this into a FireSide page – maybe the Major is going to send a thunderbolt to burn my ass (:
Well sometimes I have to be a bit dramatic just to find out what is going on with you! And I’m not just talking to Katrina (:
I get it – its so tiresome to talk about illusions and ficticious ships rolling in and out
( thats a great image) girl, I love when you write!
but sitting in my own little corner saying it isn’t so hasn’t worked either – well that’s not entirely true – piles of shit may have been hauled out – but my head is so far up my ass how could I know?
Keeping with the ass theme.
I have no doubt I am a forgiveness lesson for some of you out there. And you are welcome (: But just to be clear, I really am working on changing that and I appreciate your patience with me.
I found when I put my frustrations/fears/guilt out here in writing it makes a little more room in my interior world. I can’t fix it and I’m not expecting you to either …I just want to sit at the shore with my buddies, shoulder to shoulder and watch them disappear.
So speaking of disappearing. Blue skies in Cleveland and Mom and Dad arrived without a hitch last night. I’m guessing we let go of some guilt over South Dakota (:
Right now I’m enjoying the sun with my buddy Katrina. God I love you!
Wish you could be up there with your Sis…she’s probably just as adorable as you.
Sending her a love package from the Village.
The Medical Intuitive -good call. A “kinder diagnosis” which probably means the treatment is all about kindness too. Boy, its the same message wherever you look.
I’m grateful you have an appointment with the super specialists as well. May they offer you the magic pill as you share your life insights. I have no doubt you will plant a seed in that massive instituition that will help many who come after you.
May we all take that which is nourishing and leave the rest behind.
Yeah, I’m talking about taking a good shit.
Get over it!
I’m Back!
I Had to wash my hands first before I gave you all a hug.
Love and Peace for a Beautiful Day…
and an extra squeeze for my buddy a*
Oh Annie and Katrina, big{{{{HUGS}}} to you and your families. Sorry I haven’t responded sooner. Just let it out. I do believe that is what this page is for, at least that is what helps me, like you said Annie, getting it out of that dark and musty brain case where one cannot see it and keeps tripping over it has gotta help.
Forgiveness opportunity, Annie ??? (:
forget it. you’re my best laughter opportunity, and when i laugh, hopefully you’re laughing with me, and together the world fades from our collective memory if only for those few seconds.
you are precious to me,and to all of us.
love,
a*
ps.my belly growls – me thinks i will run for a quick McDonalds chicken nugget snack with some coffee which works well as a late breakfast for me (;
Get this — the parking structure at Cedars-Sinai medical complex in Los Angeles is so overcrowded that it has to have valet parking so they can parallel park cars behind the cars in the parking spaces. Wanna talk about forgiveness lessons?
It’s a research hospital, so it seems that they welcome all patients they can get, payment not really needed. But they would like about 10 vials of your blood after your doctor visit for the gene research program.
Because there are so many patients, my wait time to see the Dr. was 3 hrs. I am so old fashioned that I just sat and stewed. As I was leaving, I noticed another woman waiting in her room working away on her phone. It hit me that I could have been reading my e-mail, browsing the web, and being perfectly busy had I just chosen to see peace instead of measuring my wait time.
And the specialist offered me another choice of treatment that I was pretty pleased with. So the whole tortuous time (grumbling husband in tow) was very rewarding. AND while I’ve always known I was Irish and German — I discovered that the ‘dis-ease’ I have is often associated with the Ashkenazi Jews, my German grandpa may well have had a Jewish mother. So, yet another surprise gift from a seemingly bad day. Nevertheless, I was able to endure some heavy ego’ing from my hubby and certainly ego’d him back on the 4 hr ride home.
Katrina-girlfriend! Valet parking for a forgiveness lesson; dang girl you know how to do it right! “Old fashion stewing-measuring wait time.” How do you do it? Take an absolutely serious scenario and splatter it with levity while supplying all the pertinent information?
Glad you drove home pleased while enduring some heavy ego’ing.
What’s that commercial about waffles…let go of my eggo? ego
Big Hugs to you Katrina and Lachaim on the Jewish Grandmother 🙂
{{{Katrina}}} that was delicious to read and laugh to. Reminded me that both my grandmothers are Jewish – and the rest of the family has denied it all the time, or plainly ignored it – well, i am glad i was not registered as a Jew during the war (:
Winnie told me that she might not be able to be on line for some months for various reasons, in case some of you wondered, as I did.
Wow, I have some catching up to do! I’ve been slacking off for a few days, taking some time to do a little contemplation about other things. It’s good to be back. (I wonder if there’s still some of that gingerbread left, or has Rufus managed to climb up and finish it all?)
Annie, (screaming “I could see peace instead of this), love your post. Ain’t parents just grand? My refrain is, “I could see something else other than this frustration, but who’s gonna make me?” Sigh. I guess I still have some work to do. Oh, I also noticed your spelling errars. Everyone one of then.
Lisi, mothers, sheesh! I’ve got some more juicy stuff I’d like to add to the classroom on parents. It seems we all have lots of good things to explore in that area.
Anil, how was that chicken McNuggets + caffeine break? Haven’t tried that one myself. I sent a thunderbolt at ya but the Holy Spirit intervened and sent it back at me, singing my whiskers. Oh, I shudda put this on the Fireside page. What the…? Who sent that thunderbolt? Hey, I’m the boss here!
Katrina, gee, girl, you had one heck of a forgiveness day at the medical center. Sounds like there’s a lot on your plate. I hope we can be helpful over here. I’m all for medical intuitives, and basically anyone who can help me get rid of a physical condition. Ken is very clear about taking any treatment we need to get rid of the condition AND going through the forgiveness process at the same time. The two are not mutually exclusive whatsoever (that would be confusing things) and there can be nothing wrong with taking medication, as there is nothing wrong with taking a glass of water or breathing. Ken has said at times that breathing, too, is magic. So who’s gonna try stopping breathing? And BTW I was told by a workshop participant not long ago that Ken came to the classes with a huge cold, sneezing and spluttering all over the place, and he was popping cough drops every hour. Oh, yeah, and Mazeltof! you’re part of the family!
Thanks for that info about Winnie, Nina. Yes, I found out from her that she was taking to the road for a few months which for her is kind of like a retreat. She said she feels the need to get more intimate with the material and Ken’s work, and this was the answer that came up for her.
Blessings, everyone.
Hi everybody:
I want to share with you a huge Christmas present I received early in the morning on the 24th.
I was baking some bread for the Christmas dinner very early in the morning on the 24th, when suddenly, Ingrid arrived neatly to my mind. I remembered she told me she is going to call again, but this was about two months ago. Without giving it a thought I took my cellphone and called her. The, now familiar, voice answered. She immediately recognized me and I noticed some kind of relief in her voice. Without any preparation on my part, and for sure any from her,cause she did not expect my call, the conversation began to flow as if we have behind us a life of togetherness.
I saw myself telling her about all the pain I had during all my life because I missed our father so badly. I told her that I was aware she has nothing to do with all this, but nonetheless, many times in the past I blamed her for my pain because it was less painful for me to blame her that to accuse my father. In that moment something really striking happened. She began to cry and told me of all the so many times she blamed me and hated me because she thought that I, somehow, have stolen my father´s love from her. And she told me about the agony that December 24th has been to her. In that instant I remembered that although my father had another family, he had dinner with us all Christmas, at my grandmother´s house. And that meant my grandma, my uncle (his brother), my aunt (his sister) and their families, my cousins etc. All my father´s family but the new family. And she told me that that was really painful for her and raised in her a lot of resentment against us.
When she was openly telling me all that, I began to feel a huge pressure in my chest, and in that moment I knew the pain I was feeling was not of this world, it was not about anything in the world. It was the pain of believing I left Home and the feeling of being lost, thinking I could never return again. That pain was not my pain as the figure of the dream, nor was her pain as the dream figure. That pain was our pain. The pain of our mind as a whole entity. And in that instant a shift occurred, without noticing it consciously. I was only aware that the pressure in my chest, little by little, began to diminish until the only thing left was peace, a really deep peace. When our confidences stopped, the atmosphere was one of, I really don´t know how to label it, but I would say it was something like happiness and even humor. We both wished each other and our families the best for Christmas and the New Year and made plans to continue fostering our newborn contact via email.
Looking forward for the next episode. This one´s end was a great Christmas gift.
Much love,
Lisi
Lisi, That awareness is beautiful beyond words.
That, now that, is some exceptional Christmas miracle. Beyond words, as Pam says. It can only be felt. ‘Many thanks’ is too simple an expression of my gratitude.
Lisi sweet Sister Lisi. I can feel your lightness and joy as well as Ingrid’s. The gift lives on now in my heart and mind. I love the way the story unfolded. Just like the first line “Ingrid arrived neatly to my mind”.
A thought arose – from no where? well of course not, we know that. But it wasn’t prefaced with spiteful memories on either side of it. It stood alone. That is a huge clue. Ego thoughts are like run on sentences – I can’t tell where they begin or should end. But a neat thought arriving with no pretense. That is worth taking notice of. How easy it would have been to dismiss that opportunity.
I had a thought while reading your story. The simple act that you were baking bread retrieved a memory for me…a line I’ve heard many times in my life.
“I am the bread of Life-he who eats of me shall not hunger.”
Our hunger pains for going home lie in the heart chakra…I know exactly of the chest pressure you have been speaking of. I used to want it to go away but lately I have learned to sit with it. Now I’m convinced the pain in my chest is all about my heart growing and expanding and its a good thing. Can’t say I’ve burned through all my fears regarding my own father issues but I know there will be peace just like you mentioned waitng for me.
A Christmas miracle indeed. We really can’t get home without each other. When we prepare ourselves the right thought will pop into our heads and then its just one small step. The moment looked easy Lisi but knowing the background story this was a long time coming. I am so happy a new chapter is beginning for you and Ingrid.
Pam, Bernard, Annie, thanks for your words. Behind this little step are all of you. We are walking this path, shoulder to shoulder, really helping each other in these baby steps we all, as the only Son of God, are accomplishing.
Thank you my dear Sister Annie for your beautiful and heartfelt answer. Thanks for recalled that beautiful line: “I am the bread of Life-he who eats of me shall not hunger.” And I really loved this: “Now I´m convinced the pain in my chest is all about my heart growing and expanding and its a good thing.”
And yes, you are right. That moment was the outcome of a long chain of forgiveness moments. Now, on the other hand, I know I have to be very vigilant because this issue is one of my ego´s favorites, it is not going to let it go so easy, but for sure the defense is beginning to crumble and in this moment I feel happy.
Lots of hugs and much love to all,
Lisi
Very Beautiful story Lisi.Happy to read it in these last days of the year. I always go to the ponderings when I check in These are the miracles we can choose and your story is a gift with the long history you both perceived and as it shifted for you our minds can embrace this specific example of such a huge shift and healing within. Your response Annie with the Bread baking and viewing the pain in the chest and heart opening seems to me to the willingness to wait in the forgiveness process.
Bless my resistance, help me forgive. Apologizes to all I owe e-mails to. I think of you often. Every day in fact. Baby and flood and mud and first x-mas alone and biting cold ect. There is a caseing of ice around my heart that scares me stiff. Patiently looking and waiting for it to thaw. Warm tears flow now; maybe that will get the process started?
Dear Pam, I’ll hold your resistance in my hands and warm it till it thaws. Then when it is soft and pliable again, we’ll both open our arms and bring in a friend who has been waiting patiently here with us. “I am here…” he whispers. He has been whispering all the while the flood and mud rose and the cold was biting. And now the warm fires of Village forgiveness slowly take a place again in your heart, bringing you the reminder of friends who are thinking of you, who know your beauty and loyal companionship and do not doubt you for a minute.
Pam, maybe it is not resistance that is the caseing of ice – it could be your judging of the resistance, or the resisting of the resistance. I find, when i feel like you seem to, that when ias a first step allow the resistance to be there, being kind to myself, something melts. I ask, “Could I allow this resistance to be here?” and “Would i be willing to let it go, if i could?” for me, amazingly efficient. I also ask ” could i be willing for this to heal on itself(meaning with H.S, not “me”)?
maybe these questions will help you as much as they have helped me.And please forgive me if this is not what you need. I have been thinking of you lately, and wanted to comfort you.
Lots of warmth and love to you
Nina
I just recognized the resistance a day or so ago. I finally remembered that I could bring it here and place it on the table in the village green where the light can get to it and then walk over to the fountain and look into the clear water to see the reflection of love in this world and then go and sit by the fire in the tavern with a warm mug o cider and the reassurance of those who “travel” with me on this “journey” without distance. I just felt a crack in the icy fear appear. A little willingness. I will not fight myself. Just be still, just be still; as God created me.
Pam, it is so wonderful when we recognize our resistance. As Ken says it is the first step to undoing, without this recognition we are just in denial. Thanks sister for your confidence in us. We really love and appreciate you. And now that your resistance is in the Mayor’s hands it is going to melt soon.
Lots of hugs to all,
Lisi
Lovely, useful thoughts, Nina. I’ll use them myself! We can also use your idea of being willing to embrace at least 1/1000th of our resistance/unforgiveness. Love that idea. Can I embrace and forgive one teeny, teeny bit of my resistance…?
Pam, let’s all walk together around the Village green like they do in cloisters, quietly and peacefully. Then we’ll head over to the Tavern as you say where it’s cosy and warm during this cold winter.
Hi, Lisi!!
I guess this belongs here…?
I am going down on medication – and this night I dreamt that a psychotic taxidriver was driving me almost home. Then the nightmare was that i could NOT find my home – and it was horrible to experience that when i was close to it, i could not remember the landscape around it. Everything was re-structured.My child ( 6 years old) was alone in the house, I knew she was afraid.
At one time we were 3 psychotic people being treated by a very clever psychiatrist, who told us that the thing was to concentrate on one object only. That helped a little. But my head still feels heavy,dizzy, and I feel afraid that i am going bunkers. A little comfort in today’s lesson: my thoughts do not mean anything…
I am luckily going to a healer today.She is awake. I am looking forward to it. Until I leave, I am sitting in the tavern with a cup of yogi tea, and Rufus is sitting beside me. You are very welcome indeed.
Your fears are my fears.
Your Love is my Love.
I like the way your Love feels here in this room.
I shall rest too.
Secure in knowing I am never alone.
afternoon_news: the healer simply was not there. 3 1/2 hours of travel. Got a lot of thoughts being offered up for forgiveness – how guilty and worthless i must be, since this happened – it’s sure a punishment – she loves punishing me – seeing through all of that, and even so, it just goes OOOONN and OOOOOn ad nausateum – so much guilt – and it seems really real, even though I know…oh she just called…she arrived about 5 minutes after I left – big lesson for me: bring your new cellphone, Nina, it’s for these cases you shall use it…
she was so unhappy and sad, and i will get the new session for less – I feel fine again
what a lesson
phew
(running up to the Fireside for a glass of spiced red wine and a muffin!)
There is a special place where friends meet and not much is necessarily said but all is known. That’s what it’s like when you invite us to join you in the Tavern, Nina. There we sit with mug in hand and just stare at the fire and tell a joke or two. That is the wisdom among friends. It’s nice to sit with you. And the dark thoughts stay far away and the light thoughts come and flit from one to the other leaving just a smile upon our faces. There! I just passed you one.
Sitting with all of you by the fire. Warmed by your thoughts no matter what they touch on, warmed by Annie’s poem, and the embrace of looking together in safety and love…
YES
(passing smiles)
Nina: Thank you for sharing your miracle moment. I have had a few of those myself but never recognized them. Your sharing, first of your anticipation in seeing the healer, then the trip itself, followed by the -“we interrupt this posting to tell you this phone call is for you” and “nothing is the way that is appears”. I mean this is the best reality show in town!
I tapped into that familiar feeling of being at a crossroads; knowing that I haven’t an ounce of strength left except to ask for help. Only to find that it was a wasted breathe. I was right there with you when you realized the healer simply was “not there”.
Help is available to everyone except me.
There it is!
My true belief exposed.
The healing happened without the healer even being present. (I call that a miracle)
I’ve missed those miracles before because I went straight to licking my wound (depression).
Stages of grief {Kubler-Ross}
Denial (this isn’t happening to me!)
Anger (why is this happening to me?)
Bargaining (I promise I’ll be a better person if…)
Depression (I don’t care anymore)
Acceptance (I’m ready for whatever comes)
First I go into denial…. act civil, appear calm, walk away with a seeming spine.
Then in the privacy of my four walls (earthly home) I start licking my wounds.
I totally skip stage two because somewhere deep inside I don’t believe I’m worthy of help, let alone bargaining.
But no matter.
Nothing Happened.
This is probably the reason the Course works for me. I don’t need to learn how to do “healthy anger” according to this worlds definition. That would be a waste of time. Let me just skip to the part where nothing happened and take it from there. That alone is a big relief and a seemingly better use of “time”.
Thanks again Nina and my entire Village family for “not being there” (:
Thanks Nina and Annie for both your posts, really helpful. I am here with Michele sitting with all of you by the fire. Really nice to have a place like this.
Lots of hugs to all,
Lisi
Dear Annie,
once again your posts open my eyes.Amazing how effective they are: I think Somebody post them through you. All the time.
My favorite forgiveness-formula these days is ” I forgive myself for believing i can be anything else that God’s beloved Son – innocent, whole and healed.” It works even for tooth-ache.
Passing Lisi a look of happiness and gratitude for appearing by my side…
Annie ..Inner Tears welled when I read your Help is available to Everyone except me
Did I inward well-up to see my truth expressed that I’m not willing to express and seeing it expressed by someone I love would allow me to take a guick look and then question what the emotion meant. Waffle on the fence, no it’s true and it’s all part of my subconcious repressed not enough thoughts
Nina..Thanks for passing the formula it’s the pacifier this suckling needs.
Nina…my wisdom tooth (upper right) has been hurting me the last few days. (popping Aleve like candy)! You must have psychic abilities! Or we are just tapping into each others energy?
You are right it came through me…I felt moved to explore that familiar pain. And now I shall repeat the sentence:
“I forgive myself for believing I can be anything else than God’s beloved Son – innocent, whole and healed.”
Not embarassed to admit I need a pacifier too.
once again I don’t know what to say. There are no words but a feeling of profound gratitude for all of you. The ice is melting a little more.
Such great posts, 280 and 284 – thanks so much, you two. Such lessons. Beautiful thoughts, Annie, and thanks for the reminder of Kubler-Ross’ work. I haven’t seen that in years. Such a true, powerful thought, “Help is available to everyone except me.
Mrumph Mrupf Gulp Sorry full mouth. Want some gummy worms? (: I decided to move the Monk vs Jamie worm hole over here from the tavern fireside II re.#423-425. Yup It is almost the first anniversary of the “Mist Hitting The Fan”! (thanks Michele that sums it up much more nicely than what I came up with) And it is nice to know that I am not alone in my ambivalence in regards to the former monk and his former monastery.
This also means it is close to the first anniversary of Paulo’s ACIM Village! Yea! Sometime about mid April I think.
I still go to Jamie’s site to read the Q&As that he posts from the Foundation. I like Michele, I am grateful for the gifts Jamie and Bonnie gave us. Yet I still mourn the loss of the Monastery and I still feel angry about the abrupt shutdown with no warning;from time to time.
And yet out of the ashes of the monastery arose the Village which I love dearly and all of the former monklings that made the move to the village and the new villagers that arrived later. I miss those that never made the move or came looked around and moved on to somewhere else.
I feel so , I don’t know…bi-polar about the whole thing.
I watch a lot of Ken’s workshops on Youtube and every once in awhile they pan the group and I see Jamie and it is interesting to note how many times I am neutral vs. a hard emotion happens. To notice when I go to the remembered song if I’m OK with something he has posted or if I sneer and have a snide comment.
Sometimes I wonder why I bother going to his site at all. I could go read the Q&As on the Foundations site and save myself the emotional zings. Or could I? The emotional zings would just show up somewhere else. Or would they? It is a classroom for sure. A forgiveness lesson fer me.
Feed-back anyone?
Hey Pam, I must have been composing my email cuz yours wasn’t there when I started my response to Michele.
I guess it was getting a bit toasty there at the fireside and the forgiveness page is more appropriate. I personally feel I never had proper closure. I would love to have a more open discussion like your post above. I will have to save it for another time cuz I’m off to bed soon. But most definately it was our biggest classroom assignment and I sense the lesson continues. Talk about Home schooling (:
Annie, It all happens the way it is supposed to. Your response to Michele is better there than here. When Michele first spoke up I thought she was making a general reference because others have referred to monk instead of Jamie also. It’s that perception thing again and the meaning we give it. I figured some still used Monk as a term of endearment similar to one having a childhood nickname that in adulthood no one except very close childhood friends or family would still use and only with kindness.
Even though it seemed to be a thing between you and Michele it poked a few of my ego buttons because the monastery thing has been on my mind alot again lately and your discussion just seemed the perfect spring board to bring the topic over here and open it up a little farther and see what healing lessons may be had.
I know (intellectually)there are no hierarchy of illusions but the two seeming biggies in my seeming life this last year are Jamie/Monk (this I’m guessing might include a few others also) and the surgeon that did my mastectomy.
will write more later.
I’m just going with the flow as best as possiable with this. In reference to what I posted in #291 I don’t want this to be an egoic rehash of he said/ she said. I desire a healing for myself and if it can help others; Bonus! This isn’t about Jamie and his site per say, that is just the symbol for what is going on with me just as the surgeon is another different form/symbol but the same ol’ junky ego content. I’m tired of waking up in the middle of the night still feeling rage (at both symbols). I’ve done a lot of private internal work these last few months and didn’t have much to say. but yesterday it felt like it was the right time to ask for help with this issue here in the village
Help please.
I copied the FACIM Q&A of the day from Jamie’s site because it states what I’m trying to do so much better than I am able and it points out how to go about “doing” it.
The parts in the answer about not diffuseing the negitive effects of the choice and recognizing the “chain of events” in the mind stood out the most for me.
need to go for a bit will be back later
Q #676: The process of forgiveness of in A Course in Miracles is to remember, each time an unpleasant thought comes to awareness, that the anger, worry, fear or other troubling thought originated in the mind and was projected out to the seemingly external situation. However, often I find myself going a step further. I picture myself as the “decision maker” actually choosing the situation. So, for example, if I think I’m angry because I believe someone cheated me, I picture myself actually inventing the entire situation out of whole cloth. This immediately defuses the situation in my mind and removes any anger or feeling of being put upon by someone else. While this is certainly in keeping with the Course’s metaphysics, it implies that each of us, as seeming individuals, is responsible for the bad acts of others. However, I find the process more useful in reestablishing peace in my mind than the other process of just thinking that the feeling originated in my mind and not the entire situation.
A: One of the most important teachings of the Course is that we are minds with the power to choose. It also tells us clearly that our choice is always between the ego’s thought that the separation is real and the Holy Spirit’s thought that it is not real. It is very important to remember that the “decision maker” only chooses between the ego and the Holy Spirit, not among specific circumstances in the world of form. “The power of decision is all that is yours. What you can decide between is fixed, because there are no alternatives except truth and illusion”(T.14.III.4:3,4). The process you describe (seeing the specific circumstances as made up) may not be helpful because it obscures the real choice that was made in the mind and, most importantly, its purpose. Everything (good and bad, positive and negative) in the world was made to keep us focused on our identity as bodies in direct attack on the Identity God gave us as minds. Our goal is to get in touch with the mind that is actively choosing the ego instead of the Holy Spirit, and to take responsibility for that choice. If we are going to learn to make another choice, we cannot skip this step. Diffusing the negative effects of the choice by using mental imagery will not get us to the heart of the matter. It may bring temporary relief, but it will not lead us back home.
The goal of the Course is to awaken from the dream of separation, not to have a more pleasant dream. The process of forgiveness, which leads us to awakening, requires that we become more and more sensitive to our negative reactions (and positive ones, for that matter). They are the important clues to the activity of our minds. We are asked to shift our focus from the circumstances of the situation entirely, and to focus on the thoughts in our minds. In this practice it does not matter that the situation was made up and ultimately means nothing. The important thing is to recognize that it means something now in the experience of it. If you find this exercise helps you begin the process, it is a very good way to get started. Jesus does tell us the world is all made up. It is also important to recognize the actual “chain of events” in the mind as the Course explains them, so as not to short circuit the process. The Holy Spirit needs us to give Him all our twisted misperceptions in the specific form that we have made them up. “All things you made have use to Him [the Holy Spirit], for His most holy purpose. He knows you are not separate from God, but He perceives much in your mind that lets you think you are” (T.14.VI.5:3,4).
He needs our mistakes and we need His help. Our feelings, reactions, and perceptions are useful to the Holy Spirit because they make up the classroom where He teaches us the forgiveness that leads to true healing. Only then will the effects of the belief in separation be dispelled along with the thought of separation which gave rise to them: “When the thought of separation has been changed to one of true forgiveness, will the world be seen in quite another light; and one which leads to truth, where all the world must disappear and all its errors vanish. Now its source has gone, and its effects are gone as well” (W.pII.3.1:4,5).
When we have learned through forgiveness that we are, in fact, as God created us, and no longer fear this truth, we will know that the world and our experience of it is made up. Then we will not react at all to its insanity. That is the true peace we seek.
Pam and Annie…thanks for these ponderings and the cut and paste from Jamie’s Q & A. We don’t want to miss steps and it’s most likely as KW would say “a typical course student mistake”.
I remember I was traveling when the Mist hit the fan and I did cry about the village and social tribe being a thing of the past, but, for whatever reason I, at the same time only wanted to support Jamie simplifying his life.
I didn’t feel angry at all about it toward Jamie, but I think I did indulge in specialness ego thoughts about anyone who resented the change. Other’s were expressing empathy about people’s mixed emotions and sadness and I viewed those folks comments as kind and saw that I didn’t offer that empathy and gentleness to understand.
I had this…”get with the program and move on already”. That’s the harsh unfeeling side of me. I watched myself exalt in my ability to move on. There was judgement and feeling superior in my willingess to “move on”.
Now that is all clearly holding the hand of the ego in just another form. Being honest about our sadness, vulnerability and anger is a good thing, and it’s exactly, as we all know, what J wants us to bring to his light and hold his hand with the lamp together. It’s wierd that on the one hand, I did extend love and support to Jamie to move on and didn’t feel conflicted about doing that. But up until the other day with my…His name is Jamie ponder, I kept my specialness attitude hidden. So, I’m in the healing home school program with you and it feels good to me and you are my mighty companions.
Michele, Thanks for the feedback of another perspective. I intellectually understood why Jamie wanted to stop. I had a long series of letters with him and a few others. But emotionally the thin veneer hiding my ego thought system was blown away and was the first really good look at it I’d had as a Course student and I really didn’t know what to do about it. I also had had no idea up until that moment how thin the veneer was or how ugly it was underneath. It scared the bejeebers out of me that I could feel that vicious that quickly about someone that I had so totally admired and (here’s that word again)respected just seconds before. Why was the “Monk” the trigger point for me? Heck if I know. And trying to answer that question I strongly suspect would play into the ego’s hand.
I’m just trying to do as the FACIM answer above suggests not skip steps, not diffuse it but to as honestly as possible recognize the ‘chain of events” as I made them up so I can hand them over to HS.
I feel as though I’m fumbling my way through this but I am headed in the right direction. I’m tired of the anger, the pain,the blame and the guilt. And not just with the “Jamie” issue but with all of “it” this so called life.
I appreciate the support. Thanks!
Thanks Annie, Michele and Pam for your sincere, honest and healing posts. And Pam, you are not alone, I am also tired of the anger, the pain, the blame and the guilt of this so called life. I am thinking seriously in giving Jesus a chance to help me.
Lots of love to you all,
Lisi
{{{Pam}}}
I think the brackets say it all.
Lisi, From some of the insights you have posted I think you have let J help you. We all have. It’s just I still get easily confused on how to help him help me. I will suppose most of you have had the experience of having some one try to help you (especially little kids) and they genuinely think they are helping but they aren’t. It’s like me being a little kid with the small necked candy jar. It’s to big for me to pick up so I stick my hand in and grab a candy. Now my fist is to big to pull back out of the jar. I scream for help. J says let go of the candy…. I don’t let him finish I just scream louder insisting that I have to have the candy,assuming that he is saying that I can’t have the candy. If I’d just let him finish I’d find out that I could help him by letting go and getting my hand out of the way so he could pick up the jar and pour some candies out for me.
P.S. For me J helps me through all of you.
By the way the symbols switched for me this morning. I was just sitting drinking my tea trying to mentally be still when I caught myself ranting about how the surgeon did this rotten mean thing to me and that other rotten mean thing and how they were subtle things that he couldn’t get in trouble for , read sued, but could cause me extra pain and hardship just because he is mad at me and trying to punish me for not seeking treatment sooner…..yada,yada,yada. So I started to follow my mental chain of events. Boy is the resistance high distraction after distraction and interruption after interruption Even in just trying to write this 4 interruptions. Sheesh!