Garden
The Quiet Garden of Forgiveness
Love, too, would set a feast before you, on a table covered with a spotless cloth, set in a quiet garden where no sound but singing and a softly joyous whispering is ever heard. T-19.IV.A.16:1
“There is a garden at the foot of this lovely statue with masses and masses of soft white lilies and little paths between to slowly walk and talk with Jesus. There is a fountain nearby and the forever trickling sound of water reminds us to leave the desert of wrong-minded thinking.” (Winnie)
Forgiveness is truly at the heart of the practice of A Course In Miracles. All of us have had moments of shifting our perception of a difficult situation, and finding peace. On this page I offer you the space to tell us about the stories that have stayed in your mind, times when you felt a real change occur in the way you were looking at a problem or upset. Maybe you were encountering aggressiveness in somone, or were being judged and belittled. Perhaps it was a loved one who had left you, or even a pet that had died. Or maybe there was fear, a threat in your life to you or to a loved one. In all these situations, at one time or another you have found peace beyond the pain, release from shame and sadness, and comfort and freedom in their place. There was always a presence there with you, the company of one who loves you and guides you to see differently. If you have had moments of finding that clear presence, please share it with us here.
A little more technically speaking, these would be moments when you reversed the projection and saw that the problem was not outside you, but with you, your perceptions and thoughts. A sudden moment of clarity perhaps when you saw that the upset was having pushed Love away, and not really what was happening outside you. Or perhaps it was just a moment when despite the upset or problem, you felt safely accompanied and that helped you remain unaffected by the problem, to get a little distance from it.
Please try to write concisely if your story requires a lot of explaining (and teach me something about brevity!). Also, please try to share from the heart and not from the head. It is always nice to hear the simple sincerity behind these inspiring stories.
Hi, everyone. Just back home and looking at this chain of messages. Really interesting.
I remember hearing Ken respond to a woman on the way home in the van on a similar topic. She said that she found it impossible to think of giving up her harsh judgments of some political leaders, that she’d feel ‘like a jellyfish’ if she just said she didn’t care and would get stepped on. Ken replied that she didn’t actually really care about the political figures at all. She could be judging anything really. What she really cared about was her ability to judge, the ‘high’ that it gave her, and he compared it to an addiction to Scotch, shopping or anything else. She is making up a reason for keeping the judgment which is that she would be ‘nothing’ without it, which is the real fear motivating all this judging and pain. So her judgment lands on the political leaders, but really it could be on anyone. What I understood about this is that we’re super-attached to the powerful sense of ‘me’ that judgment gives us. If we’re honest, there’s something that just feels so good about hitting someone over the head. It feels good because (as Ken said in the same cassette series No Man Is An Island) we have very nicely disguised the ego-kickback, ie the pain that judgment causes us. It’s only when we finally see that we’re the ones feeling pain when we judge another, and put two and two together, that we start thinking, hey, maybe I can stop hurting myself. He says we won’t do that till we recognize that the payoff of judging (the ‘high’) just isn’t offsetting the hangover.
I’m also trying to use more and more the analogy of the ‘hand’ of God, you know, the article I wrote recently. If I knew that Jamie is my index finger, Ken the pinkie finger, the Villagers the other fingers, and the rest of the world my toes etc, then it makes no sense judging anyone at all. All these different parts of ‘me’ are just trying to get along the road the best they can. Any help I can give them, no matter their mistakes, could only benefit my body as a whole. That doesn’t mean I don’t correct a finger or two if that’s in everyone’s best interest. But it would make no sense to hold something against my big toe because it goes and stubs itself. Maybe that’s all they are, the mistakes that other people are making around us, just our big toe stubbing itself. I might want to scream at my big toe, but ultimately I’ll try to take care of it and give it a good hug, even if it just goes out and stubs itself again. Ah, them toes. Connected to the foot bone, connected to the …
Lovin’ you all, B
A few weeks ago Lisi sent me this little story that I thought was so wonderful I asked her if I could share it with everyone, and being the thoughtful soul she is, of course she agreed. Sorry I’m only getting around to it now. There are a number of other things I have to post as well. Enjoy…
A LITTLE LOVE STORY
Once upon a time there was a little girl who loved her father dearly. Her father worked out of the house all day, but in the evening, on his return, after greeting all the family he used to put on some comfy clothes and sat down on his favorite couch to listen to the music he loved the most, namely, Beethoven´s Symphonies, Quartets, Sonatas. He had not finished making him comfortable, when the little girl jumped on his lap, and cuddled there, experiencing the most joyful safety and comfort. She stayed there very quiet, because she did not want to disturb her father. In these spans, there were no words, only a feeling of togetherness, and a sensation of a complete absence of time. All the while she felt just part of her father, just part of the beautiful music that enveloped them both.
But one day, the father never came back again. She waited, and waited and waited. She prepared his couch, and played his father´s loved music, again, and again, and again, hoping, that somewhere he would listen the music and would come back home. But this, never happened, and as she began to grow, listening to the music became really painful. So one day she just stopped listening to it. The years passed by and although she never forgot those joyful moments, whenever she crossed with her father´s music a deep pain and loneliness arose.
One day, without consciously looking for it, the music returned. There were just five melodies, but when she began to listen something happened. The pain was there but she wanted to listen to the music again and again. And each day, many times a day, she just listened and listened, and something that she could not explain began to emerge. She did not understand what was happening; the only thing she knew was that she wanted to listen to the music more and more.
So, one night while she was listening to the music, suddenly something occurred. That ancient feeling of safety and joy returned, but this time it was even more beautiful, it was as if all the light in the universe bathed her, and slowly she began to fall asleep. She was not aware of how much time had passed, but at some point she felt a soft hand fondling her head, she moved a little bit, and opened her eyes, and in that moment her eyes found his father´s, and everything disappeared, her only experience was that she was there, on his father´s lap, listening to the most beautiful music of the world. All was a dream. His father never left, she never left either. They were just there. She was cuddling on his lap, he was fondling her head, and both were listening to the Song of Love that never ceased to play.
A big hug, and much love,
Lisi
Lisi…just read your story. And cried. Wondering if your carnal father disappeared and never was in touch any more in this life – and i know that that was not what you really told about either, if so – but you really put me in touch with the shock that HE WAS GONE and something is terribly wrong, and guilt came rushing in.
I am so glad it only was dream. Today I have reminded myself that i am not guilty each time I sense a thought of guilt, and first it feels so true and empowering – but now, after many hours with reminding, i feel like i don’t know where i am any longer. I’ll just allow it to be like that, and ask Jesus to help me further.
and sending you a BIG hug and a grateful smile for the story
Nina
I Love love stories. Thank you Lisi.
Thanks for the story on the bulletin board Lisi. I’m on my second re-read and there will be more because I get “it” a little more each time.
hmmm…that sentence, “I am not guilt” is insistently repeating itself each time something in me goes into guilt and believes it. I can’t stop it now. And something sweet happened: I was looking at some norwegian Oscar-commentators, and my first reaction was to judge them as superficial, with a smirk ( this “I” was so much deeper, see) when that little sentence came again and i suddenly noticed the beauty of those commentators.
A wonderful contribution from Lisi on the Home Page. A little word from me, too. Copy included below.
Holding my own hand
I’ve been spending a little ‘quality time’ with myself lately and one of the things that happens to me occasionally is writing a note to myself. I don’t usually do that (I wonder if any of you do). I really like it because it’s such an intimate way of supporting myself on the path, really like reaching inside to take my own hand. Sometimes doing this can come up with a genuinely inspiring experience. I wanted to share with you one of those little writing sessions when I reached inside to another ‘me’ to find the support I needed, so tired, as Annie says in her post today, of my normal reactions and feelings. This episode occurred about three weeks ago when I was questioning (again!) the folly (or wisdom) of the choices I’ve been making over this past year…
“Whenever you’re faced with some difficult feelings or conclusions about yourself then immediately take stock. Know that there is a way out of this. The way is immediately to look and see that you are thinking again. You think you’re just acting normal given the situation, and that anybody else would think likewise. All your power now lies in seeing that your problem is not that you’re facing a difficult situation, but purely that you’re facing the contents of your mind. That’s what you’re looking at and that’s what is causing your current feelings.
You think you’d be better off now at some other moment in the future when this situation is resolved. Stop this craziness now! You will still be the same ‘you’ filled with the same sensitivities and ways of reacting to your world. The future is not the answer. Now is the answer. Here, in this instant. There is something very positive and constructive you can do right now, and that is recognizing that all your feelings are coming from what you are thinking and concluding about the situation, not from the way your life appears to you. That is very positive and powerful.
The future is not the answer now. Choosing to see that your place of experience is only within your mind and not out there is the answer. This gives you total control over your reactions and experiences now. No matter who you are faced with or what situation lies before you, your inner state and your response are completely independent of what is going on. This is true no matter how things might be pushing or cajoling you to respond in a particular way.
You are free. You are entirely free of the situation, to feel and react within your mind as you wish. If you wish to feel comfortable, peaceful, innocent and free now, then that lies perfectly within your grasp. You enter back into freedom and power with your decision to remember that you are faced only with the contents of your mind projected out onto the neutral images and scenes of the world. What you feel about these people and scenes is only something within you that you haven’t been willing to look at projected outside of you. And that’s all!
Look calmly and deeply at this now and it shall disappear; Poof! And then when the feelings return, do it again. And again. Poof, and re-poof! Even when outside conditions continue to deteriorate, which they might, if you remain aware that your feelings of fear and condemnation are only conclusions you are maintaining and harbouring in your mind, and are not just an automatic and inevitable result of this situation, then you will be protected.
Look and look again. Withdraw from the situation. This does not mean become inactive or indecisive about doing what needs to be done. It means returning your perception of what’s causing your feelings back to the place where it’s all really going on – in your thoughts and mind. Give the power of causation back to true cause. Nothing outside of you in those external images and scenes has the power to destabilize you. Nothing there is responsible for how you are feeling, reacting or behaving. It’s all going on in your mind.”
::smile::
wow…….. 🙂 with ya Pam….gratefully…
It was supposed to be a smiling face before the with ya…..
Bernard, thanks for sharing with us your notes to yourself. I really enjoy reading your posts because I can see myself in a lot of them. It´s wonderful that you spent this quality time with yourself. I think it is the only way we could begin to grow. The ego is always distracting us in so many ways, that we leave the practice aside, and do all kind of things to hide this. But it is only the practice of Jesus´ teachings what is going to give us our ticket out of this world. Something I really liked and think it is enormously important is: “The future is not the answer now. Choosing to see that your place of experience is only within your mind and not out, there is the answer.” And yes, I think you are right. What is helping me a lot right now is to think, this moment is the only one there is. Only this present moment could help me or could sink me.
Lots of love to you all,
Lisi
I found this quote from the blue book in a recent article at Susan Dugan’s site, and just so loved it.
“What do you ask for in your heart? Forget the words you use in making your requests. Consider but what you believe will comfort you, and bring you happiness. But be you not dismayed by lingering illusions, for their form is not what matters now. Let not some dreams be more acceptable, reserving shame and secrecy for others. They are one. And being one, one question should be asked of all of them, “Is this what I would have, in place of Heaven and the peace of God?”
I love it because it helps remind me to remain very kind and forgiving and completely free of judgment when looking at the ‘lingering illusions’ that still preoccupy me. There is no difference between all these dreams, though a part of me is tempted to say these ones are terribly shameful, but those ones are not so bad. From J’s perspective, they are all just harmless dreams – lingering illusions, like mist that the sun is shining through and hasn’t yet dispersed. But it will disperse.
I’m at home for two weeks now, hence my coming ‘home’ to the Village more often. No more simmerin’ fries while I write!
Throwing a few coins in the jukebox …#555 “I wanna Hold your Hand” by The Beatles.
smiling with the girls.
Lisi’s Little Story
Hi all friends.
I just wanted to thank Lisi and Bernard for this beautiful story. It’s an absolutly brilliant simple reminder story.
Eric.
Hi Eric, Nice big pot of ginger tea at the fireside,would you like to join us?
Hi Melody, Do the smilely “backward” to get it to stay where you want it(:
Doing them “forward” 🙂 makes a emoticon in the righthand margin and the colon/bracket disappear(I put it behind forward(-;) out of the sentence when posted.
Thank you Pam!!!! (:
Well geez….. (-;)
Duh….. lol……*I don’t know what anything is for…..and *I won’t take this way too seriously……lol!!
Oops first forward 🙂 not second one. I should of left the backward smiley off the second one uhhh maybe I should just quit now that I made this about as clear as mud. (-:
i just wrote this note to myself, trying to understanding more clearly something I heard Ken say yesterday in a lecture:
Our identity here is made of pain and of the defenses against this pain and dealing with this pain. (Sorry!) Pain is the only way I can experience myself as a separated individual, since it stands in contrast and in opposition to complete Love. But then I must defend my mind against the experience of this pain, or at least disguise its source. Hence it is repressed and forgotten, or concealed in others, making them the seeming cause and source of this pain.
The pain is always experienced (so it seems) in the psychological body, although in reality it is located in the abstract mind outside of both the psychological and the physical body.
The Course process requires becoming aware of the true source of our pain (slowly and progressively), and seeing our mechanism for concealing the responsibility in other people. Then we suggest to ourselves that the real cause is within a series of choices in our minds, we reassure ourselves that there is nothing really to feel bad about, and that peace is not a bad but a good state to achieve.
Then when we start to feel particularly bad as we see how we do not do what we ‘should’ do, we must be careful to remind ourselves that Love embraces even this. We return always to that point: Love embraces even this feeling; I am free of blame. Love holds this feeling, too. Then when we feel bad again, we return to that, again. And again. Love holds this, too. I do not need to fear that Love is not here.
But I’m getting off track. The real point of this message was this: (-;) ! Hehe.
PS Love holds even this feeling, however mucky and unpleasant and heavy.
PSS Oh, I forgot: “Love holds even this feeling, however seemingly heavy.” Or did I say that already?
“Love holds even this feeling, however mucky and unpleasant and heavy” THANKS Bernard, this makes my day!
Lots of hugs to you all. (-;)
Lisi
Holding my Own Hand
Your writings are as potent, truthful and from your own experience, and at the same time seem like a vien of gold ore that is a gift from HS (odd comment as I type it, and makes me wonder about the way I think with regard to a seal of “approval” that prompted me to write a “gift of HS” as a signifier of the purity of what flowed from you in your writing) as anything that is out there from any Course teacher that we love reading, because it has such a ring of truth, as in “yes that is a practical viewpoint of what is the truth about the external that is always our choice”.
Holding our own hand and self soothing with the big S inside.
and your latest post Bernard…
“Love holds even this feeling, however mucky and unpleasant and heavy”
Loved your Love Story Lisi!
“Love embraces even this…”
That has been my mantra for the past few days, and it’s funny, it’s hard to get angry at Love when I tell myself that. I mean, when I get upset with someone and then see it is really just an upset with myself, when I see that I can’t accept Love for myself and ‘take a step back’ (à la Ken) and tell myself “Love embraces even this”, when I tell Love where to go and then imagine Love saying, “Love embraces even this feeling of hate of Love…” And then I tell it to go away again, and again I hear myself saying, “And Love embraces this feeling, too.” And then at some point I just give up. I get it. Love, Jesus, is here to stay and is not going to give up on me just because of some silly thoughts and feelings I might have. It’s quite funny after a while, and the heaviness really does begin to recede. Every time I feel myself having another heavy thought, I try it again, “Love embraces this, too!” And I just can’t stay serious too much longer. It’s seems almost too simple to be true, yet it really works. That’s my recipe for happiness for the day.
Greetings, this is my first pondering at the ACIM Village.
Recently, I forgave my perception of an event that occurred when I was between one and two years old. I was being given a haircut by my paternal grandmother when she accidentally cut off about a 1/3 of my left ear lobe with a pair of scissors. She claimed that I was wiggling around; I would swear, to this day, that I was sitting perfectly still. Although, since then I have witnessed 1 ½ year olds and it has given credence to her perception of my behavior. Note: this wasn’t the first haircut that she gave me nor is it my first full memory.
After the lowering of my ears (pun intended), my grandmother never apologized for the incident and I didn’t expect her to because I knew it was an accidental mistake. In her retelling of the story, her perception was that “I brought what she did to me upon myself” because I was wiggling around.
When I recalled the memory, I noticed that I did not feel at peace. There was no resentment, anger, or blame but none the less no peace. For me, when there is an absence of peace regarding a thought it means that forgiveness is needed. I eventually recognized that I was perceiving shame and that this incident was the first time that I experienced shame.
I view myself as having ears like Dumbo the elephant’s ears (o.k. – that’s a bit of an exaggeration). As a result, I wear my hair at shoulder length and in a style that completely covers my ears. During the process of writing this, I discovered that “the roots of the word shame are thought to derive from an older word meaning to cover; as such, covering oneself, literally or figuratively, is a natural expression of shame.” (Wikipedia)
This story is not about one of my ear lobes being slightly shorter than the other or my grandmother’s/mine perceptions of the event or having big ears or my hair length; these are just the form. It is about me recognizing and then choosing between the two possible contents in my mind: (1) separation (i.e. shame) or (2) oneness with God (the result of forgiveness). After sincerely doing the forgiveness prayer (T-5.VII.6:7-11), the sting of embarrassment was replaced with the tranquility of acceptance. On top of now having peace; as soon as the weather warms up, I’m seriously considering having my hair cut very short for a change.
aHolyFool: Dang that got my attention. Where to begin. Wonderful that you shared and what a perfect story of forgiveness. I wish I had time to engage in questions and answers right now but that will have to wait for another day. So let me just say thank you and welcome to the Village I sense your gentleness and look forward to feeling it often here.
Howdy aHolyFool, Glad to met you. Your ponder brought up a bunch of “shameful” recognition for me. It has stirred a wordless something up. Think I’ll go sit and look at it with the J guy for a while.
Shall we be seeing you around or are you just passing through? (-:
Thank you, HolyFool – i havwe loved this fool all my grown life, and read a bout him a lot – or her – there are some swedish magazines called GNOSTIC who wrote a lot about you! I am so glad you are here, and hope you are stopping by often.
The first impulse i got when i read your post was “oh i think it is Grandma’s shame s/he is feeling – taking it ion her/him self” which I may be wrong about of course – and it does not matter whose shame it is, right, as long as we attach to that shame and calle it ours –
I am so glad you forgave it –
and maybe you would give away if you are male of female?
much love to you, and a hearty welcome in the Tavern today –
Nina
aHolyFool ~ Welcome to the Village, hope you’ll be visiting and sharing more of your stories with us. I’m amazed with your ability to recall such early times. Out with the shame, in the the peace.
Nina your post about determination has stayed with me since yesterday and is very helpful. It gives a whole new “easier” focus for willingness. have to dash now or would write more. thank you xoxo
Wonderful reminder, aHolyFool. Thank you for sharing with us. Coming during the lessons on grievances, I looked at each of my special grievances, and could see that each contained a deep hidden element of shame. I went to the referenced prayer and noticed how I emotionally focus on the undoing of all the consequences of my wrong decision if I will let Him. I guess the consequences of my wrong decision that I want undone are the shames I’ve built. And all of those are manufactured outcroppings of why God knows it was me that killed Him and my guilt is like neon in his field of vision.
Per lesson, planting these shames in the dark heavy clouds, and brushing them aside, and walking into light with inevitable help.
We love to see the voices grow in this village choir. One by one, beautiful forgiveness strengthen everyone — inevitable help!
Blessings, katrina
What a wonderful story, aHolyFool, and well thought out. I particularly enjoyed this little surprise when you said: “When I recalled the memory, I noticed that I did not feel at peace. There was no resentment, anger, or blame but none the less no peace.” This work can be so subtle at times, as you suggest. Often when we think everything is actually going okay, if we lean a little into our thoughts, we can’t say necessarily that we feel really peaceful. And ‘really peaceful’ is where it’s at. We’re usually pretty good at knowing when we we’re feeling strong emotions like hate and anger. But it’s another thing to realize the absence of peace. A lot of time we’re just ‘going along with life’, fulfilling our daily mission of satisfying our needs as determined by our agendas. And it’s great then to step back in the midst of all this business and say, “hey, I could actually be a little more peaceful,” then look for some of those deeper background thoughts like you did that might be keeping us at a distance from something deeper.
I wonder if that was really your first experience of shame. Maybe we all come here with a deep shame writ into our DNA, and then we have grandmothers and such show up to give us a good reason to feel that way. Hmm. I’ll give you something to laugh about here. This is STRICTLY off the record, so don’t tell anyone. My mother used to delight in telling a story about me when I was maybe one or two. She had put me naked in the high chair (it’s hot in Australia) to eat and had served me scrambled eggs. I dropped a piece of egg between my legs and went to retrieve the morsel of food but confused my little baby willy with the egg. Well, my mom would be in stitches explaining how I pulled at this bit of egg that just didn’t want to come. Now you can imagine the embarrassment I would feel when she told this, and my question is, did I feel the embarrassment when it happened (when I was a young child) or when she told the story? Where does shame come from, at what age? And would another person necessarily feel embarrassment around the same story? What in me was choosing to feel shame around this story, and perhaps not about some others?
So, thanks for your great subject, and for visiting us. Please feel free to stop by the Tavern any time for a glass of something fresh. There’s usually someone hanging around waiting for some company.
A quick hi to everyone, just to let you know *I’m always *here, whether heard from or not! Regarding post #327 – excellent example for me of forgiveness, sometimes happening in “layers” – trusting the process – and the feeling of hope and faith *I receive from reading it as I do from all of the villagers posts as well as this whole village!
Gratitude and Love to all,
melody
Just read yours, Bernard after posting this great story – as well as great questions! I realized yesterday how many questions *I have, and felt guidance to just “stay with the question” and the answer will be revealed. I trust that the answer will be the Answer(s) when they do come!
Love, m
In my rush, the above should read “just read your post, Bernard after posting myself!” Thanks for this great story as well as great questions! 🙂
Thank you all for your warm welcome and I am grateful that you shared your points of view with me. The following are my answers, to questions that my posting #327 generated, through response #337:
Pam (#329): You will be seeing me around (-: I’m working on my next pondering about forgiveness and hope to post it soon.
Nina (#330): Your question is one of the most profound asked of me so far and I spent time reflecting on it. I asked myself seriously if “I” am male or if “I” am female. Regarding my gender, I don’t have one – I am neither male nor female. I am not a body; the real “I” (which is the only I that truly exists) does not have a body therefore I have no gender. Much love back to you.
Bernard (#334): Thank you very much for your comments and your story. You can count of me to keep your story off the record and not to tell anyone – especially the people in the village. In my effort to be concise and brief with my story, I did not expound on some points that would have made the story clearer but longer. You pointed out one of the sentences that I had doubts about the wording when I wrote it.
You wondered: if this was really my first experience with shame. I agree with you that we enter into this illusion that we call life with shame imprinted in us and that I had experienced shame before I was born. I believe that shame is part of the ego’s grand plan to keep us separated from ourselves. When I said that this was “the first time that I experienced shame”, perhaps a better wording of my intent would be: “this is my first conscious / active memory of experiencing shame this lifetime.” The memory that I shared is based on my own recollection.
I heard the story many times from my grandmother’s point of view and never agreed with her perception because my memory was different than hers. Like you I was told many stories that I don’t recall that were meant to produce embarrassment/shame by my grandmother. I’m with you – I indeed know the feeling of embarrassment when a parent figure tells stories about you/me from a time that you don’t remember but this story is not one of those times. I remember not wearing a shirt (she didn’t want hair getting on my clothes), the position of the chair in the kitchen (with me setting on a phonebook and a catalog to make me taller in the chair), the time of day (mid-afternoon), what was cooking on the stove (water for a bath for me after the haircut), the roasting pan in the sink where I would get my bath, the towels on the table, the smell of my grandmother as she bent down to me, the muted sun coming in the kitchen window (the window was on the east side of the building and the sun was over the house to the west at that time), what she was saying before and after cutting off my ear, the look on her face after the blood started flowing, and how angry she was at me for “making her hurt me.” And many, many more details. None of the above was in my grandmother’s version of the story. I have vivid full memories that are at least a year earlier than this one that have been verified by family members regarding the details.
I did feel shame when it happened. I can not recall a memory before this one that I chose shame as a response to an event. It was the choosing of shame for the first time that made this incident so powerful in my life. I doubt that few other people would feel shame about having part of their ear cut off – anger, yes; resentment because the story was retold in an unfavorable light, yes; and blame, absolutely.
I resonated with and deeply appreciated your sentence “What in me was choosing to feel shame around this story, and perhaps not about some others?” I don’t know. I do know that after this event I began choosing shame more and more often as a response. It was the choice of shame that I needed the release of forgiveness around and didn’t know it until after the fact.
Thank you again for your thoughtful questions and taking the time to comment and for allowing me to post. It was through the process of writing the story for this site that I achieved much growth and I am grateful.
Bernard: An additional thought that I overlooked in my response, in your response to my post you said “did I feel the embarrassment when it happened (when I was a young child) or when she told the story?” For me it was when it happend; I didn’t ever feel shame when she told the story because I didn’t buy into her version. Her version had nothing to do with me because it did not match my memory. The shame that I felt was deeper than her story itself. The shame seems to stem from the event itself i.e. my experience of the story. Maybe the shame was produce by the recognition of my original shame ego based shame. I really can’t say at this time.
Regarding your story, can you answer your own question? Either way if there is a lack of peace when you think about it then there is a solution. Forgiveness.
aHolyFool, thanks for your thoughtful answers. Actually, from the sound of your initial story, I was pretty sure you were aware that the shame comes from some time before the issue that demonstrates it for us in our lives, but it’s always worth bringing up for everyone. And it’s true, too, that we do have experiences here which make it feel very much like THAT even caused such and such feeling. It’s quite tricky to get a sense that the experience was perhaps inherent in our genes before we came here.
I get what you mean that you really had that experience of shame at that time. I can’t remember anything from my early infancy. It’s quite a feat, though I know some people who do have that level of memory.
For my own story, I know that I did used to feel embarrassment about this story, funnily enough not because of the story itself, but more because I saw that my mother was actually trying to embarrass me, and THAT embarrassed me. But I haven’t actually had an occasion to relive this experience for a long time now. I think I would probably laugh and add fuel to the fire at my own expense to continue the joke, but only because it was actually a genuinely funny scene (as I can imagine).
I often ask myself that question, why did I make a fuss about this and not about that? For me there’s no better way to see the level of my insanity than the constantly variable picking and choosing that goes on in my ego between one thing and another. There is absolutely no logic to it. Whatever suites the purposes of my ego for demonstrating suffering is game for my unholy vision. A nuclear explosion in Japan or a chapped lip that stings – it’s all the same to my individuality which just uses it for proving I’m still a body and it’s not my fault. Talk about existential temper tantrums.
I’m taking a liberty here with a message I got from Lisi and copying a portion of it here at the Village. I so love the clarity she shares here:
“I agree with you that we have learned to see our egos in action, but we cannot accept yet that Jesus never condemns our egos, that he looks at them as they really are: nothing, but that means that ME, as Lisi, I am nothing, and I think that is what we still don´t digest, BUT, that is the key to open Heaven´s gate. So it is really important that we learn to accept Jesus´ kindness and love…”
A word on Japan:
May we we all remember that there are illusions in this world that are difficult for us all to work through. We are all in this dilemma together. Let us pray for the Japanese as we pray in our own lives that we remember the truth that nothing ever happened to separate us from the Love we most need. Comfort and the memory of safety are there for us all, even as we work through the debris of our lives. Holiness takes us in Its hands and carries us through the storm, guaranteeing that we shall arrive intact at the other shore. May we remember the blessedness that every instant holds out to us, and the Brother whose presence accompanies us through the illusion of time back into Eternity. Amen.
Ditto Bernard,I think it is a good opportunity to all of us to unite with them (and in reality with oneself) in true empathy, knowing that their Love, strength and peace is untouched and it is the same as ours.
I need help for a repeated problem in my life. I am dreaming up people who repeatedly do not respect borders – even though we have agreed on them in the first place – like being on time, sharing time between us ac.to certain rules. These are partners in certain-sharing-modalities i do on Skype.
When the partner goes past our agreed-on-time, I feel anxious – angry – and a lot of stories come up connected with borders-violation. I find myself unable to speak up – something in me feels “you have no right to do that, since you cannot speak without being toxic about it.”
And then I start thinking about the Course: this is MY dream – so I have dreamt up people who who do not keep the rules we have agreed on. Si I am at fault for punishing myself in this way – so I do not have the right to speak up.
I do not understand – in the middle of the frustration and old memories – how to forgive this. What are the words I can use to forgive myself, and therefor the others? please help
Nina, superfrustrated
Nina, I think these are just the things that happen on this crazy planet, and this does not necessarily mean you are responsible for them in the way that you are making out. As the one Son of God, we are responsible for these things happening, but your individual expression of that did not make these people cross those boundaries. It’s always important to remember that you’re not to blame. But at the same time we have to remember that these people are not to blame, either. There is no blame. Because there is nothing truly wrong. All is still intact in Heaven, and this has its reflection even here on earth.
People will certainly disappoint us here – that is just the nature of this planet. And it is also the nature of our egos to set up ‘lines in the sand’ which, unconsciously, we hope people will cross. When they do, this gives us the chance to say, now I know why I feel so crummy, this person didn’t do what he said he would do. So the game we’re playing with ourselves is setting up rules that serve as a way of justifying our judgment and irritation.
The best thing we can do is to remind ourselves that nothing here in form can be perfect, and it’s not perfection in form that we really want. It’s the perfect intention of forgiveness we want, of releasing ourselves from our own judgment which has removed pure Love from our minds. The judgment on others is not the problem, so I think you can relax. What’s eating you is the judgment of yourself which seems to have taken away Love from you at those moments when these people do not conform.
These moments have become a symbol for you of betrayal causing stress in advance, wondering if people will keep their promises. Now they can become symbols of release from betrayal. You can approach these meetings knowing there is a chance, and perhaps a good chance, that the rules will not be respected. And you can start to tell yourself even before the meetings that this does not have to mean you are not firmly planted in the presence of Love. Perhaps you thought you needed the session to be present back in Love, and yet now you find that it is perhaps the opposite; that it is when the session does not happen, or does not happen correctly normally indicating to you that Love has gone, that demonstrates to you that It is perfectly present.
You can watch your tendency to believe that Love is gone because these people did not respect time limits, and you can perhaps see that the only reason this thought is present in your mind is precisely in order to have the experience that Love is not present. If you looked for Love, you would find it. It cannot be absent.
Then we see that we might tend to judge ourselves because we obviously are holding these barriers to Love, and then we forgive that, too. Love embraces even that thought! We cannot get rid of Love’s embrace, try as we might! It comes back to us, time and time again, each time we think we have done something that cast it from our minds. These irritating people can no more remove Love from our midst than empty the oceans or stop the sun from shining. That’s laughable. The sun still shines, the oceans are still placid and filled with water, Love is still there. And that was the reason for having the session in the first place. Whatever form the session takes, or doesn’t, the message is still intact, and so the session has worked. Love is there. Nothing can remove you from Its Presence.
This is interesting to think about for all of us who have that ‘one little annoying thing’ that seems to recur that seems to demonstrate to us over and over again that people aren’t to be trusted, that betrayal and anger will just always occur because of … (fill in the blank with your favorite enemy or event). What’s yours?? Come on – be honest! As if Nina is the only one! Mine is supermarket lines and self-serving politicians. Okay, out with it…
Bernard, A much kinder answer than what I was thinking of offering Nina.
She asked for the magic words that would release her from her pain and all I came up with was silence.
You heard the really question behind her question and went there. Well, done.
One thing that always sets me off is graffiti. I never can wrap my head around why someone is compelled distroy anothers property.
forgiveness for my spelling errors
Bernard, thanks for that loving answer. I am suddenly remembering something else you posted here, not so long ago – and i will use it: it is that we can say no to people breaking agreements as long as there is no blame and hate in it – just sharing.
I was not loving to myself when i did not share with what felt right and honest to share. I felt thrown off center – and I was that thrower, for not following my heart. After we ended the session, my PC mirrored what had happened ( I know I know, you laugh at this – but I experience my PC being a wonderful mirror for brainfog and lacking communication. When i get what it is “saying, it becomes healthy again. Yesterday, after the session, i could not use the “navigation-line” – it did not work. And i became aware that i felt thrown off center – and that I have judged myself guilty for attracting people with no respect for borders, denying myself the chance to speak what was in my mind. I decided to do that – from a not-blaming place – and the navigation-bar was well again.
Thanks Nina for your question, and thanks Bernard for this so loving answer that helps us all so much.
a big hug
Lisi
Nina, I completely forgot that part of the solution – you are so right! Of course it’s important to realize we can say no to people, as you say, as long as we do not feel it is hiding a value judgment about them. If it is just an honest, “This doesn’t work for me,” then that is the answer. And even if there is still a little (or big) charge to it, then we just observe ourselves still carrying the charge. We’re still communicating that we think this person has done something to us, but now we try to keep it to ourselves – our little secret which we deal with privately. And so important to know that we can’t hurt others by our upset.
Yes, I remember now, the post on ‘To all you guilty caretakers, you’re not a good substitute for Jesus’. We hold back what’s going on for us because we’re concerned about upsetting the other person. There we go again, thinking we have the power to attack and hurt the other just because we say something they mightn’t like or might misinterpret. And thinking we have the power to save them some upset because we’re the biblical Jesus saving them by suffering in their place. Don’t I just do that all the time. That’s a biggie for me, but I’m learning slowly.
Who else out there is still working with this? Who else still holds back, being ‘nice’ and really not dealing with a situation that’s not working, in order to avoid conflict with the other? So here’s to all of us nice conflict-avoiders, yay!