Mayor’s Journal
June 14th, 2010
This is just a short note to remind everyone that there are no such things as forbidden words or concepts. All words are equal under the sun and before God and the Holy Spirit’s laser vision. There is no hierarchy of ‘word-ly’ illusions: all are equally unreal, and symbolic only to the extent that we attribute them with power over us, and an effect on our minds. Let us not be weak before a word! No, our strength lies in our ability to see past all judgments and associations, to remember that only the Word of Love is true, and none other, and is the sound every word makes in its purest telling. No confusion we might make in this world could ever remove the true interpretation that stands behind all concepts and thoughts.
So let’s relax a little, and remember that nothing we might say here in the Village might ever justify or warrant judgment or condemnation. A laugh or a chuckle, maybe. A smile, definitely. But never a harsh word. Only patience and kind consideration, even when we might be just a tad, a smidgeon, ever-so-little over the edge on the side of less-than-right-mindedness… Our reward will only ever be – a smile. Okay, maybe a little guidance, too, but no guilt-laden reprimand.
So what’s the list of especially un-forbidden words? I’ll let the Villagers take the lead and suggest them in the ponderings. The goal of this little post is just to clear the air, to ensure that we are not carrying with us any (erroneous) preconceived notions about what is right and wrong in our posting language. However, as you can imagine,* this is not to direct conversation toward special topics; it is just to make sure everyone feels reassured that there is nothing wrong with them either. Over time, I trust we will manage to develop a Villager-way of dealing with these issues of language and fantasy as they arise.
Much love to you all,
Bernard
PS Just love the flow of ponderings lately – thank you all so much.
* See previous journal entry on June 8th.
Mayor’s Journal
June 15th, 2010
For the second time a Villager has kindly shared her experience with us about a man whose socially difficult behavior on a public bus challenges her perceptions of kindness and forgiveness (and those of the other passengers, too). In putting in my ‘two cents worth’ in the ponderings, the following ideas arose, and I then thought to post them as an entry in the Journal because of their universal nature. This is not about the Villager concerned – it is about all of us and our perceptions of others based on our desire to confirm our sense of individuality, using thoughts of upset and fear…
Dear Villager, thanks for keeping us up-to-date on this continuing lesson. First, I think you did very well in at least being aware of the thoughts that were running through your mind, and were honest about the hate there. That’s a really good start. After all, the typical reaction would be to hate or be repulsed, and be unaware of it, or to blame it all on the other person. Not entirely your case. While there was a part of you which indeed was judging this person, there was another part observing yourself doing this, and another part aware that there was probably (somehow) another way of looking at the situation. It seems that your actual choice to get up and move seats may have been the most appropriate one. There may have been others, but that was pretty good, I think.
Now, the question might be, could you simply have got up from your seat and sat somewhere else without an entire scenario of hate and attack being played out? You could get up and sit somewhere with a scowl on your face, making sure everyone sees how uncomfortable you are and how this man has so obviously attacked (even) you (as patient and forgiving as you obviously are). Or you could just know that there is nothing truly harmful or worthy of condemnation in the confused things this man does, and know that sitting somewhere else is the right thing to do. Perhaps if everyone does this, moves somewhere else peacefully, the man will eventually see that his behavior leaves people uncomfortable, but that he is not judged, and maybe he will stop (maybe not).
Alternatively, some nanny-type figure might actually be able to give him a maternal, playful tap on the hand or even on the head with the book, and say, “Now you stop being so silly. You know you scare everyone. What did you say your name was? Where do you come from?” The little old Japanese man in the subway might do this, as we mentioned elsewhere. So it really isn’t about what you do (a whack on the head or moving somewhere else), it’s about what you hold in your heart and mind. And the result you produce for yourself within is what you will communicate to the other person. If you are afraid, you will likely feel hate, and not communicate anything peaceful. So it would perhaps be useful to first look at your fear. What could this person really do? How is he ‘hurting’ people? How can you defuse the fear in you?
Unconsciously this man is attracted to the power he has over people to make them feel uncomfortable. And it works well for him. And maybe he really doesn’t want to stop. It might be interesting to note how we all like to ‘have some power’ over others, being able to make them feel like this or that. More than often, we prefer to think we have some power to make people feel good, though often we’re (secretly) quite proud of our ability to make them feel bad. Jesus talks very explicitly about this: the foundation of all our special relationships is our ability to make other people feel guilty. (Several passages in The Needless Sacrifice, Chapter 15) Either way, making people feel guilty (to assume our guilt) or happy (affecting them so as to get their unspoken approval with a smile or nod), it’s the same thing. It’s not bad – it’s just our way of trying to maintain the illusory power of our small, imaginary self.
While we think that someone else’s power to affect others is real (affecting them positively or negatively), we will think our self-same ability is real and powerful, and we will unconsciously feel guilty about this. It makes us feel uncomfortable because it is the ability we believe we slew God to procure – to be able to ‘have an affect’ and thereby exist. Instead of feeling discomfort about being shown our own failing’s (our own need to do exactly the same and manipulate others in order to feel powerful), and then projecting this discomfort onto other people (“he made me feel like this”), we could smile at the entire charade. We could watch ourselves trying, for the umpteenth time, to have an effect on others, to want to have some power over them, just like this man.
So when this man approaches, perhaps we could say, “Here I am, wanting to scare and affect others. This is me. How funny, now that I see it. But I’m really not that powerful. I can have no real effect over others. Nor does this man have any real effect over other people. Only if they want to be affected and upset by him. It’s all just a game of make-believe. What can he really do, make a fool out of me, speak to me loudly, embarrass me before others?” The other people in the bus, likewise, will be upset only to the extent they want to be upset (now he is the guilty one in their existence). Yes, it’s a bus full of secretly guilt-ridden passengers who are upset by this man. But you don’t have to identify with them, seeing yourself like them and equally (oh so justifiably!) upset by this imaginary situation. As the first lessons in the workbook show us, it is not a fearful world we see, but a meaningless world, which the ego then rushes in to give (guilty, hateful) meaning to. Again, it is not a fearful or hateful world we see, or even feel. It is a meaningless world, both the outside world, and our inside world of thoughts and feelings. Not bad or sinful, just empty of sense and meaning.
In the beautiful quote that you mentioned, I took out this line: “All the angels will come to your aid and you will know what to say or do.” Seeing through their eyes would mean seeing a brother identical to yourself who is first and foremost confused about his reality/identity. He does not see himself as embraced within the wholeness of His Father’s Love, that’s quite clear. Thus he is in a state of total panic, unsure as to his reality, or even as to his existence. He feels a need to prove and demonstrate his ‘existence’ in a way that challenges the perceptions of the people around him. We have all done this at some time or another, being the adolescent rebel, or the upsetting work colleague or the irascible boss or sullen spouse. How often do we do this during our day, challenge the perceptions of others in order to feel ‘alive’, to count and be noticed?
The perception of the angels is always available, and the only possible source of peace in the matter. You will then know what to say or do simply because whatever you say or do (moving seats or slapping his hand playfully or poking him in the chest or calling the bus driver or making a comment about his nose or asking where he bought his tie or where he is going…), you will be communicating acceptance and understanding (of him AND of yourself), and it will be loving. AND it is really quite okay if it takes another year or five years of traveling on the same bus with the same man until our perception shifts.
A man on the bus, or a complaining partner or a corrupt elected official… it’s all the same. Slowly, slowly, slowly, we turn all our perceptions around and find how this is only ever about me, but the ‘me’ who is one, who is EveryOne. There is only One of us, and whatever we see in someone else is what we can learn to see in ourselves. Then we learn to let go all connotation of sinfulness or condemnation. We have just made a series of perceptual mistakes without any consequence whatsoever. What scares us in actual fact is the pure lack of consequence. Nothing ever happened. This means there is no real upset in this man’s behavior, ultimately because there is no real man there. But this means there is no real me here either. And so we learn why we need to be patient with ourselves. It’s ultimately about taking our perception very, very far down another track, and this scares us for the time being. Ultimately we will see it is the greatest freedom to learn that none of this – none of it – is what we thought. We are all always entirely and thoroughly wrong all the time. Absolutely all the time. If only we knew how far off-track our perceptions really were…
Wishing you lots of kindness toward yourself and courage. Thanks for this challenge; it is really one we all share.
(Okay, I’ll try to be a little more brief next time!)
Village Hall Bulletin:
Spice cake with lavishes of chocolate frosting and chocolate-coated strawberries being served at the Village Hall where a party is being held to celebrate Lawrence’s imminent departure. Serve yourselves from the jugs of spicy apple juice and chilled mint tea on the buffet to wash it all down.
Village Hall Bulletin:
June 16th, 2010
Today’s the day…
Farewell, dear friend, you shall be sorely missed…
“Peace to my brother, who is one with me,
Let all the world be blessed with peace through us.”
You have graced us with your wisdom and kindness and we shall spend this year thinking of you and your deepening relationship with your inner Teacher. May God’s Peace be your daily reward, may the oil lamp which sheds light on your pages illuminate your search for Home, may your path grow in serenity and inner (and outer) health. And may you return quickly so that we might hear once again your dear words to us, “God bless us every one”.
Thank you for being our brother,
Much love from all of us,
Villagers and Monklings, alike.
P.S. Lawrence has mentioned that he would welcome any emails from his friends, and has authorized me to send out his email to those who wish to remain in contact with him during his year-long retreat. Send me an email at bernard@pauloandthemagician.com. to receive his address.
Village Bulletin Board:
Freshly posted at the Monastery, copious notes from Ken’s current workshop, “I Need Do Nothing”. Also, a youtube video of Bonnie playing an extraordinary violin duet, a masterfully executed work of modern composition. Wonderful! Many thanks, Jamie.
Mayor’s Note:
18th June, 2010
Hmm. Not much inspiration these days. Just going through the motions of what appears as ‘life’ before my eyes every day. Lots of wet weather over here in France. Reminds me of Mr. Salvatori in Paulo, every day saying the same thing, “It’s a bet damp, isn’t it?” It still looks like every day I get up and determine how I feel by a host of different things in my body’s environment: the weather, my sleep, the news, the quality of the coffee, the first smiles (or grimaces) of the day… And as soon as I switch gears and search for a statement that comes from deep within, another, holier place, I feel instantly better. Peaceful. As if it really is not going to matter what happens that day. It’s just okay.
Some personal news:
Pumpkin is scared of a big black cat who’s become the feline mafia honcho in our woods. We think he even stole into the house and pee-ed everywhere – there was a terrible cat smell in the house when we arrived back last night. That’s not our little Pumpkin! Strange. Also, and most importantly, I received perhaps the most beautiful letter of my life yesterday. My ex-wife and I were divorced 10 years ago and have seen each other very little since, even though we live in the same village.
The separation had been very difficult for both of us. I wasn’t aware, but during the past decade she has undergone a whole inner program of looking and healing, and yesterday she presented me with a letter in closure for the pain we had both endured. It was beautifully written, right from the heart, and helped pull together lots of loose ends, giving us some real common ground now for communicating. All the tension was gone, there were no more victims, and no trying to ‘understand’ things, either. And she also presented me – a huge surprise – with a book she had written. I had no idea! An even greater surprise, it was on her personal healing using ACIM in conjunction with psychosynthesis (I can’t tell you anything about what this is). I had introduced her to ACIM years and years ago, but had no idea she had continued with it. If you’re interested, you can look it up on Amazon, her pen name is Olivia de Gage, and the book is called L’Amour Déraisonné (it’s written in English).
I really enjoyed receiving the letter, but what I felt even more peaceful about was that I knew she didn’t need to write it. In some ways it’s the kind of perfect letter we would all like to receive from a loved one, from a parent, a son or daughter, or a spouse, about forgiveness, respect, recognition. Now that it was there in my hands, I felt that my love and appreciation for this person were not different. They had always been there, even during the hard times. I think I had gone through an important transition recently that really helped this feeling be born within me.
I had pretty much always kept my ‘difficult divorce’ in my baggage of horror stories to pull out at the right moment. You know, like when you’re with friends and the conversation turns to victim stories. Over time I had stopped bringing up this dramatic event in public, but it always remained in my inner library, my ‘record of grievances’ (Ken’s two books). It seemed that something inside defended ‘my right’ to catalog this experience as a truly painful episode. As if keeping this story was a way of validating something (disastrous) about my life. Then only a month or so ago (which interestingly enough corresponded roughly with the date on her letter), I decided to wipe the slate clean.
There was no ‘real’ pain. There was pain, but only because I continued to insist on it; in reality, it was all over long, long ago. There was no need to relive it, neither publicly but more importantly in my inner records, as a time of anger and upset. I just didn’t want to keep these records anymore, or perhaps I just felt I didn’t need them anymore. At that moment, it seemed to me that I grew up just a little more. At least, that’s what it felt like. I wanted to attach myself to something more important than my life experiences. There was something more important, and much more beautiful than any personal, human experience I could have. Something mystical, divine and simply – peaceful.
Every day now I try to wake up and remember that decision. So when it’s damp and wet, when the first coffee of the day isn’t so good, when the first looks of the day are grimaces instead of smiles, when my work situation looks even more chaotic than normal, when I’m late for an appointment and ‘it’s not my fault’, I bring myself back to this daily dedication: I’m not looking for personal, human experiences anymore of ‘things going right, things looking good’, I’m not looking for an end to my abuse and victim story – that’s not interesting. The world will do what it will do, continuing on its crazy course. But I can feel something different inside now. There is a light, a warm inner flame that chases away even the dampest weather, and a cool inner breeze that calms the heat of any disagreement. It’s not about the outside, but the inside. And there, it can be calm all the time. The Love is there. If I reach out my hand, I can bring it a little closer, every day.
Blessings to everyone today,
Bernard.
Pool Boy is a cutie! And showing us how to go with the flow. Nice.
I personally have no fear of reprimands here at the Village.
But thanks for asking Mr. Major.
Nice day to fly a kite wouldn’t you say (:
Oh yeah, this picture is the only kind of pool boy I’ve ever really known in MY little life. Isn’t he a cute little sweetie.
Thank you Mayor for today´s Journal post. Thanks Nina for your sharing. It is not a long post, it is a very helpful post. It´s interesting to see that what appears to be something in Nina´s life is in reality the same event that is occurring in the lives of all of us, who think that walk on this earth, we are having it each second of our lives. Just different forms, the SAME content. But as you said Mayor, we need to be patient and gentle, this is a slow path. Jamie said something really good in his last class. Jesus never runs, he wears sandals, he walks. So if we want to be in his class we have to walk with him, not run ahead from him. As I was reading your answer, I saw it perfectly fit in all my recently hard times. The problem is that we still want to see something outside, when there is NOTHING outside. But, we are students, not teachers, and we are learning each one at its own pace. And that is good, and that is kind, and that is loving. Happy that all of us could share all this.
Lots of hugs and much love to all, Lisi
Mayor: I sent the comment from the end of today´s post but it appeared below the Pool-boy post. This comment is about Nina´s sharing. I don´t know if you want to relocate it.
Thanks, much love, Lisi
Phew! I had a hard day after writing that piece this morning. Nothing serious, but just a feeling of guilt, fear and upset. It happens as a rebound effect after I get these ‘deep’ thoughts sometimes. So I went to the supermarket and relived Nina’s experience all over the place. Nothing too dramatic, but enough to know ‘this is the feeling of separation’, lots of individuals who seem like they could be mean, disapproving or dangerous. We’re all there together, as Lisi says in her great post. (Thanks, Lisi, once more). You said we still want to see something outside when there is nothing there. So totally true, it’s just still so disturbing to a fearful part of me that is resistant to give up its ‘hard earned individuality’! Fortunately I could manage to smile a little on the way home and take it all a little easier. I can give myself a hard time about the things I write, but then I get to see that this is just more of the ego’s ‘business as usual’, trying to find a problem somewhere, anywhere. Strange life, this. Hugs to all, B.
You know, Bernard, that was a wise and loving post, but as I see it, not related to this man. he is not “there” – ithink he is so mentally retarded that he does not understand it when people talk – he is driven my a need to be close and connect, and because of his disgusting way of doing it, people are repulsed – and we fear this un-known elemebnt in him . we have no idea if there might be something dangerous undernesth, because his behaviour is crazy.
I know why ego is so upset: there are tons of memories of repulsion and fear of these kinds of men attacking me when small, and the feeling that they are not “here” is indescribably horrible. So his nearness sets all that off, and I don’t belive one second that he subconsciously wants to be scary. He does not get it at all when people tell him to back off – he just does not hear it.
What it brings up in me now, that I will take to Jesus, is the feeling of fear of insane and unpredictable men, and their horrible expressions and energy which draw you in. I just need to own it and sit with it – and if I am lucky I may experience how it can lead me backwards in time to the insight that this fear was “better” than the original fear of a vengeful god – and that it carries within itself the belief that he is the nasty one, and I am sweet and innocent.
But for now, just writing this, the abominable sensation of being srawn into something so SICK and being trapped there is coming up, and I will just be with it.
This is the gift for me: and now the angels can be here – because I know I am not in danger, as I falsely believed in the bus.
Lisi, you have taught us all so much with your posts. It is very true we are learning at our own pace. We are all teachers and students. It may appear we are on different levels or stages and because we believe it is so, it is so to us. But, by asking the right question we have taught another, by questioning a concept we have taught another. When someone disagrees with us on a subject we have taught each other.
You cannot walk this path unless you are both teacher and student. The blue book holds the answers for a course student, some seem to explain or expound on it better than others, but it is the self that teaches the self that it is dreaming, and thus awakens. The book, and the teachers are all just aids in awakening self.
I am not saying I know the answers, but I have a lot of questions, and when they are finally answered I will be home. And You, all of You answer those questions for me, from Ken on down. It is the whole package that holds the prize, and it is worth waiting for. Like children we tear at the shiny paper and ribbon, but not to worry the prize/gift isn’t going anywhere.
God bless us every one
I really like what Lawrence is saying here (Lisi brought this point up). It’s been a big deal for me, the teacher-student thing. Then finally I think I got to a better point of view about it. What if (hypothetically) we were not individuals but just One being/spirit awakening to its Reality? Then it wouldn’t really make sense to have any issue with who’s-who questions. It would always, always, just be Us teaching Us, and then Us learning from Us. As if my little finger helped my ring finger along for a bit, and then the ring finger helped the thumb, which in turn helped the ring finger. Who was the teacher? I figure I participate in a hologram in which I decided to have an experience of learning from certain people, though I could have done it another way, too. This is obviously the way I chose, because this is what’s here.
I have several teachers, two of whom are Ken and Jamie, and many of whom are the Villagers, and even more are the people I meet every day. But we’re all teaching each other, really. We’re all mirrors for each other. Some people communicate more specifically/technically to my mind about the nature of the illusion and the path to Truth, and some just present me with images and sounds for me to interpret. But in either case that’s what I chose, so it must be okay. If we’re all One, it really doesn’t matter how we get back Home, (who speaks with whom etc) just that we get There. And we’re promised that it’s already done. Magic!
Nina, so sorry if I didn’t get the angle right. That’ll teach me for thinking I know what I’m talking about! Yes, I can see what you mean about the revulsion. Quite upsetting. Sounds like a good process you’re going through to deal with it, just sitting with it and seeing what the true origin is. What about the idea that this just reminds us of the true revulsion the ego contains toward ourselves (ie my revulsion toward myself)? And then this revulsion, of course, is just a false belief and defense itself, since nothing ever happened that we might be revolted by. This would mean that it’s a revulsion that a part of us would want to keep acute in our senses to make sure it stays real instead of laughable. Just another thought, perhaps wrong.
Dearest Bernard, no wrong thoughts at all: I learned a lot from your first long and insightsful post. Just a wrong angle. Yes, nothing happened to be revolted by. I am thinking about the imgae of being in the projection-room and looking at the filmscreen, seeing myself there too, being identified with it – and chained to the chair, not bein a ble to turn around and seeing myself behind the projector of the whole revulsing movie ( hi, mr Polanski)
Today I awakened crushed and nauseous and feeling the usual seklf-hatred for that AND choosing to draw one of my many acim-cards i have written for these occasions – and i drew:
“Have tolerance for your weakness – but do not give it power by believing in it or indulging in it.”
And SNAP I felt FREE. The same feeling, but seen from above, smiling at it – now just strong bodily sensations of big fatigue.
And the difference is ENORMOUS.
So I see how quickly the self-hatred arises when these energies are believed in, and identified with.
I am going out in the sun now
Great, Nina, fabulous card message!
You have sun???
Gorgeous calm and sweet sun and calm sweet winds.
Lest’s get out in the sun, everyone, don’t min the time-differences, time does not exist, come out into the sunflower-field outside my hut by the Big tree – I’ll teach you a wonderful Sacred Dance, called the Fool and the Wise Man. The steps are showing how the Fool stumbles and walks backwards and keep a quite erratic rhythm – and the Wise Man’s movements are harmonious and orderly – but they both reach heaven anyway. And you may bring gifts to my new Village cat Rufus(he told me to let you know, he thinks he is a kind of cat-mayor here) – striped orange (and very conceited.) ( I told him it was Lawrences birthday, and he just said “SO?”
orange cats always think they are sumthin
Sleep when your hungry and eat when your tired and two plus two equals five. These are the things Rufus and I talk about, He is jealous of me as I am jealous of him, ever has it been so. We have known each other for a very long time. I am glad he will be looking after you Nina, he has amazing abilities as I am sure you know. But tell him not to be showing off as he tends to do at times.
I go to look for my Birthday Horoscope, I told Laura I would post it. Then a little later Sharon and I are going out to dinner, nothing fancy. I remember spending hours just gazing into one another’s eyes, I will recapture some of that magic I am sure tonight. It has been 31 years together, our interests are different, we are different, but we are One. We knew that from the first time we met. It has been a hard road at times but one worth traveling. As usual I have said too much, but you know, I think it is OK to share in this way, the good and the sad share the same ground and go to the same place as your dancers do dear Nina. There is no clumsy and no elegant, there is only is.
You know I sometimes think of the Black Hole in Space that scientists talk about. To me that is where this dream ends. You find yourself there, and for a moment only, you are frightened of the nothingness of it. But then the Isness that is your true self is free, and there is Light, and in that Light is Mother/Father God and words cannot convey, tongues cannot speak, ears cannot hear, eyes cannot see and minds cannot grasp the Beauty, Love and Peace that is. But Mind has known it always! We must not be afraid of the dark, it really is only the absence of Light.
God bless us every one
You’re making it very difficult to say goodbye, Lawrence! This was beautifully said. Thank you for all your gifts. We’ll remember them for exactly one year, and then we’ll expect you back here! Hugs, B.
Thanks Bernard for the beautiful party and the beautiful words, I am sure that all the Villagers-Monklings join you in this celebration for our dear brother Lawrence. Your words, I am sure, are exactly what all of us feel toward Lawrence. Once again my dear brother the best in your study with Jesus and we will be waiting for you next year.
Hmmm! the cake and the beverages, delicious!!!
Ahh, Lawrence, thanks for leaving these words that we can read again over the quiet period from you.
Mmmm, spice cake with chocolate frosting. My grandma always made that for my birthday cause it was my very favorite. She’d make it a milk chocolate with just a teaspoon of instant coffee to give it a Mocha kick. (They did some unnatural food things back in the 50’s, you know.) Spice & chocolate, a perfect 2+2=5.
At last, the Deutsch have a perfect word for today — Auf Wiedersehen
Bernard, soo good to know you are not being hit by that flood in France. I was worried.
Please feel free to disregard anything i suggest if it does not feel helpful: I have some remarks for your story of Pumkin: it seems that you perceive that she/this symbol of a child/ is threatened: first by the strange ladyneighbor, “taking her,” not being sane, and now, a dark male wants to lay her and marks her/your house as his territory.
Since there is no Pumpkin really and no black male-intruders in the form of cats either, these ideas of female vulnerability would just be stuff in your mind – right? I just wondered if these happenings could point to something long forgotten there, something hidden, and now coming to the light via Punpkin – and this be an opportunity for forgiveness and healing.
Thanks Bernard for today´s post. I have to re-read it to digest it. I had the same painful divorce event years ago, but I feel I am still using it as one of my favorite terror stories, I have a lot to heal here. As I said I am going to re-read it but something sparkled for me from this first reading: “The world will do what is will do, continuing on its crazy course. But I can feel something different inside now.” Thanks Mayor, this will accompany me all day long and hope all my life.
Great weekend. Lots of hugs and much love, Lisi
Bernard, I just finished my first cup of coffee of the day and read your open letter of love.
Such gentleness, openess, and selflessness that cleanses all it touches. I could feel the cool
inner breeze you spoke of as it dissippated an ancient pain. The ancient pain we all can identify with and no longer wish to carry.
Enjoy this weekends travels and Blessings to you aswell.
Bernard it’s been a “bit damp” for me as well and yesterday I had a reaction to the weather and then shifted gears to the right mind and just laughed; it feels so much better not to take it seriously. I love this quote “So Bless your Brothers for being the screens for your own projections for when you react to them with upset and fear you are uncovering what your ego has wanted to keep hidden from you.”
For some reason I get it that the course is addressed to the mind when I read this and then I can fogive my body/personality along with whatever I’m judging in the world including exhusbands, children, pets, coworkers, weather, BP, etc. Peace to all.
Dear Bernard: Thanks, again, for your Mayor´s note on June 18th. I just finish my re-reading of it and my eyes and cheeks are wet as the weather in France. But this wet is about thankfulness and a deep feeling of peace. Every word was really important, in the sense that it opened for me a new perception of past wounds that, up until now, I refused to let them go. I loved this part: “I wanted to attach myself to something more important, and much more beautiful than any personal human experience I could have. Something mystical, divine and simply – peaceful….I am not looking for personal, human experiences anymore of ´things going right, things looking good`. I am not looking for an end to my abuse and victim story- that´s not interesting. The world will do what it will do, continuing on its crazy course. But I can feel something different inside now….The love is there, if I reach out my hand, I can bring it a little closer, every day.”
You really could not know how your sharing of this past wound of your life is helping me now. You opened a window that I closed very tight in order to maintain this room in the darkness as I said to myself, “I will never look at it again, it is impossible to heal.” Shut it and apparently “forget it” using all kind of devices to maintain my attention far away from it. And suddenly, you came here, and open the window for light and fresh air to enter in this dark room. And now I want to see. And now I want to heal this wound. Don´t know how yet, but the window is opened now and the light is there. In this moment I feel what I heard from Jamie´s class yesterday, that you are my special agent in this moment and I feel very grateful for it. And it is good that I remembered about Jamie now, because I think he would say that I do not have to do anything, just look and wait. I am going to try to do only that.
Lots of hugs and much love, Lisi
wow Bernard what a wonderful and inspiring story about your ex……
………………..
Hope the big black cat pisses off back into the woods and gets eaten by hungry wolves ! {strokes Pumpkin tenderly}
Lisi, sorry I didn’t respond to your lovely and moving post earlier. I’m right there with you in wanting to heal all these past hurts. They are such an important part of our path, aren’t they? And I think there will be so much relief, so much lightness, when we can make that special shift. Thanks for your words.
Winnie, I’m wondering about Nina’s interpretation that there is something about the black cat and the white woman (cauldron lady) who are perhaps symbolizing something here… In the meantime I’m chasing off the black cat with handfuls of gravel when I see him. I’ll have to go out and order a hungry wolf via Google.